Lost loved ones


Until we meet again.. 

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015
But worse than seeing a loved one die is seeing you die. Love from an animal is pure and unconditional, eyes that want to see you so much, that is an indescribable love. I was deeply happy.

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for 8 months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him. 

The picture above was taken right after the prayer on 5 April 2015 at 10:48 am. The angel watched over him day and night and left with him on 13 nov 2015.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel arrived was visible day and night and did not leave his side   

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, year after year. 

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love. 

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me. 

My Baby Michaela

Michaela was loved, not just by me. I think God lent her to me. There was daily close and loving contact, not only between us, but also between her and the angel/spirit/God? 

God sent me this angel. She was dumped under my balcony. I had captured our first meeting on photo and film...  

Michaela - Gift from God

Michaela joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer. 

This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers.

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha.

She is the first cat ever that always responds when I ask something. It has nothing to do with the tone of voice or eye contact. I can't explain. Maybe we are morphed into one, we see and hear and respond on same things at the same time. 

the song that always played in my head when Mika entered the room  

Michaela's death 5.2.2021

My sweet child, my mini mummy, my lifeline, my Gift from God left this realm on 05.02.2021. Every single day in all those years together she woke me up by licking my face and hair. Sleeping next to me every single night, running towards the bed the cutey. She was so loveable and caring and intelligent. Her death struggle was so hard and sudden and rough. 

here we spent so many happy hours together, looking out of the window, at the rain, the birds.

May God strike me with blindness if I did not see what I should have been able to see. I wish to see not if I don't see at all.

She was always by my side, we crafted, we chilled, if I worked out my legs she would sit on my stomach. She was my girl. She was the one who wanted me to stop smoking, who wanted me to act like a lady, who disliked the knife throwing and was a pure pacifist. She kept an eye on me by looking at me via the mirror. Who was unbelievably intelligent as she understood all I said (her own name directly, to which direction to walk etc), was grateful for each gift I brought her and if there was one word I could describe her, it was TRUST. It showed on a lot of ways, like me taking her to the vet without a cage, because she trusted me. I would say, you can let yourselves fall, I have you. And she would let herself fall in my arms. She was as beautiful as a snowflake and I told her this many times.

I caressed her in those bloody last moments and prayed My Father as this always calmed her down. It did so even in that terrible moment, she was so helpless. I prayed for none other than to ease her pain. I sought no angel (via God) to prolong her life as I did with Poek, I did not want more suffering. Nor do I want another companion, there is a cruel world out there with children suffering each day that never had a single moment of love because ego has given man the illusion that one animal deserves love and comfort and the other torture and death. They as we do share the same breath, and what will be done to them, will be done to us. Her name was trust, my name is loyalty. I was beyond happy with her and all the moments spent together were done in full awareness of being happy and grateful. I love you forever Mika.

Mika's suffering

17.02 Prayer. Mika's death was truly horrible, so helpless as she was and this has been nagging me. She was a gift, why did you allow her struggle. Why does my faith not make a difference, where were you to take away her pain.

I prayed thinking of Mika remembering how calm it always made her, even in those moments of struggle and opened the book, after which I made the picture where you can see the white light shown. There is written (exactly these few sentences) that Jesus himself suffered tremendously and he was Gods son. That even Judas did not know that all was in Gods plan. That satan too did not know. What do you know is asked. I said Mika was and is TRUST. Trust in the Lords ways. And yes, I continued, my name will always remain to be LOYALTY. I will never bow down for monstrosities. There is only ONE. Acts 4:12

The darker it gets the more light I see. In the end days more and more people even the elected ones will say look there is no God, how can God be so cruel, and they will curse the humans God created. This pleases satan. 

After I buried her, I asked my mother's cat to watch over her grave. And this sweet cat, who avoids crowds, did something she never did before and never did again. She did something Michaela always did with me, she stretched out her paw to touch my face. 

My Angels

If you pay attention you see our guardian with us (left video) 

02-05-2021 With my curtain closed I forgot it normally was always open, and Mika would be on the right, and the dove outside on the left, only separated by glass. Always looking at me when waking up. They make such a sweet sound.

WWJD? Let me tell you what Jesus would do. Each time I went to HR I sat down at the table where it mattered the most. Where would Jesus want to sit down if he was there briefly, in a house where there is always joy and company and food, or there where there is nobody and barely any food. 

My father 12.03.2021

ik hou van je pap. 09-03 opgenomen naar de hemelen

My father did not use washing powder for the last decades as he said it polluted the sea. And when I told him Shakespeare (one of his fav writer, as well as mine) wrote McBeth when he experienced a pandemic (locked in his apartment in London for months), he wanted to read it. His eyes however were no good anymore, so he asked me to send audio which I did. And dad knew who Ivan Roso was. I miss my dad. I had often sent ipods with music, and in the nursing home he suddenly started talking to me in spanish (or french); but he was listening to Guevara's speech (to the UN) that I also put on it (before I knew Guevara was pro-bullfighting). He took us for walks in the woods every weekend, cooked delicious food, always took us to the latest movies and burgers afterward. The kitchen drawer was always full of sweets. He was sick, but not crazy. My first ten years were so impressive that I always remembered him as strong. I did not see that the rock itself needed a rock.

I still struggle with the fact that I was not there for my father when he needed me the most. I thought during corona he was in excellent hands and made a lot of plans for the year after to visit him, things for us to do together. At least his brother was by his side and he is with his father now.
What I did not understand is the extreme cold I experienced the evening, a hour after hearing the news my father departed. So cold that I chattered my teeth so hard this resulted in a root canal treatment (done when I came back). The computer (websites, all payment systems) suddenly malfunctioned for hours, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half submerged. But when I came back after the funeral and I sent them off for repair everything worked fine, as if nothing happened.
However: on 28 Dec 2021> after hours of crying and deep sadness all the devices started acting weird again. So I now think that it had to do with your own negative energy that influenced the space around you  

Everything in the nursing home disappeared. I have sent iPods filled with music 6 times! all gone

This cup intended to encourage has never been seen again. 

wasn't vegan in 2016.. flew over for a weekend only to make food, for fun so surprise dinner. I would have served him so many vegan dishes and would have introduced him to so many new smells and flavors if he were still alive. A shame. 

My Grandmother

She had a remarkable relationship with animals. A loving, soft and kind soul. And funny too!

Noa Piccolo the Snail

- New Years Eve 2016 on the picture above, for me, Mika en Noa had her own fruit filled pineapple -
After Mika's arrival I wanted to give her a friend to play with. So Noa Piccolo the snail came in the picture. Snails are extremely social animals like little dogs, who love to bathe. In Loving Memory 06/2016 - 07/2020. Here is Noa taking a bath