2020-24 in een Notendop


Tot medio 2024 ben ik een complete newbie en toegewijd op de gebieden waar mijn interesses nu naar uit gaan (sport en scholing). 

~ around 80% of human talk in groups is complaining. Don't be this majority. Think in solutions, not problems.

No drama. No gossip.

Personality test 2023. Bookwurm. Titles mean little to Architects. And if any personality type has high standards for themselves, it's almost certainly Architects. Stay rock solid when it comes to principles. The result of my personality test, fits like a glove. Well for 95%, certainly not outdoing the 'colleagues' to maintain control of a situation, I am more of cooperation (see Dr. Patton style) and also the relational/romantic part is wrong. I truly do hate incompetence, drama, gossip, lack of professionalism. It wastes my time (which is an absolute lack of respect because unlike money, you can't get back time, so keep your pocket money because time is priceless. Do as you say or fuck off) and I find it intellectually offensive.

Passieprofiel 2009

Klopt nog steeds als een bus "voor jou is het belangrijk dat je jezelf continu kunt blijven ontwikkelen. Als mens én als professional".
En inderdaad, "je kwaliteit en talenten maximaal kunnen inzetten is jou belangrijker dan je salaris...Je bent op je best als jouw waarden en idealen in je werk en activiteiten weerspiegeld worden. Als jij de indruk krijgt dat jouw bijdrage geen verschil maakt dan gaat dat ten koste van je motivatie en inzet"..

Als ik zie dat ik geen meerwaarde ben dan ben ik zo weg. En dat geldt ook voor het leven, ik moet van nut kunnen zijn.
Salaris, dat is een som waarmee je jezelf in je levensonderhoud kan voorzien. En hoe meer je hebt hoe meer je anderen kunt helpen; indien niet met tijd, dan met centjes.

Leesvoer tips: managementsupport.nl, Thomas Sanders (handhaving), Jan Stevens (skip de Jip & Janneke Roos van Leary) kwaliteitsspul voor de tactische denker en Raad voor de Rechtspraak (blijf op de hoogte)

Gossip is a weapon of the weak. "Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, while small people talk about other people".

Mijn motto: KISS: ja is ja, nee is nee, een woord is een woord, afspraken zijn afspraken, tijd is tijd, moord blijft moord (mens of dier) en regen is geen lava. 


Door drama's loop ik achter met mijn to-do list.
Door mensen zonder to-do lists loop ik achter.
Want mensen die druk zijn, veroorzaken geen drama.

Vorig jaar ook nog les gehad van een megatopper die de krakersrellen nog had meegemaakt en de Molukse treinkaping bij de Punt, lange staat van dienst bij de KMAR gehad. Deze mensen vindt je echter niet online. Geen social media. Geen website, doodzonde. Had graag willen teruglezen. Ipv dat we zulke personen in ons opnemen loopt de wereld weg met minkukels, 'influencers', praatjesmakers zonder enige staat van dienst. Hans, ben echt trots les van je te hebben gehad.

Elke dag leer je wat nieuws. Zo wist ik niet dat Leonardo da Vinci ook een componist was totdat ik hem op de radio hoorde. En wist ik zeker dat Beethoven mijn ding niet is toen ik door mijn wekker met zijn 9e symfonie werd geconfronteerd.
De leermeester van Alexander de Grote was Aristoteles, dus logischerwijs meteen een boek besteld (welke eerst..?!) over Aristoteles want Alexander de Grote was een van de grootste militaire strategen en leiders in de wereldgeschiedenis.
Je zult begrijpen dat het lastig is een raakvlak te vinden met  die van de kijkers van de meest banale programma's die men maar bedenken kan, waarbij de hersenen de vrije inloop krijgen tot de diepste drek en de laagste verlangens die de mens door gebrek aan wilskracht niet beheersen kan.
Cursussen zijn ook niet meer wat het ooit waren. Er wordt voor referenties gegraaid in een poel van fantasten. Het ongefundeerde 'reptielenbrein'. Of de braaksels van de coke gebruikende perverseling en kwakzalver Freud. 


Mental and physical development were central this year.

So that was 2023. Funniest thing this year was a fellow student saying, "X has read Sun Tzu". I never told him I'm a chess player and I raise you Machiavelli, Clausewitz and Goebbels along Sun Tzu. The outcome was inevitable in advance.
The most productive thing this year was the first aid course, which allowed me to check another weakness off my list; fear of deep wounds/blood. 


Animal actions and vegan cake baking were central this year. The perimenopause complaints were also central, and sports were made impossible for me. Everything physically this year went with great difficulty, after decades of hard training every week, suddenly... disabled. Crafting not so much, only to donate.

Fun fact: this year I was hired by the police and the municipality (I chose one of the two) and by the Kindertelefoon as a volunteer

Been scammed 3 times in 2022

For example, by what looked like a popular vegan athlete, but in the end it turned out that people only liked his postings to pretend that they also lived a healthy lifestyle. You know them, people who want to associate themselves with something but are not athletes themselves, etc. I couldn't get my money back and the man lives in the US. I was also too quick to order with a third scammer. Professional website, and the item had a normal price as with other websites, only this one could deliver quickly. Here I had more luck. After 2 weeks of friendly emailing, I already noticed oddities, such as different names managing the email. That is a strange story for one website. I looked up the Chamber of Commerce records and saw that this man had several websites. I looked at the website reviews and saw pages full of people who reported him to the police, who were furious about the matter and accused the shop of fraud. However, nowhere did I see that anyone had received a refund. So of course someone like that just carries on. 

I emailed one of the complainants and could sense in my gut that this was an email address managed by him. So I looked up his name in FB and found someone who I immediately saw was him, gut feeling. I visited both addresses that were listed on the Chamber of Commerce. He had moved I heard on the first address from his old neighbours, the second was a bunker. An apartment known for criminal activities such as money laundering. I was only able to enter because I was able to walk with 2 girls who were all too excited that I was coming to get my money back. He was somewhere on a 22nd floor. I was surprised that he looked through the peephole so quickly when I rang the doorbell, and even more so that he opened the door. I immediately put my foot in the door and said that, as I had announced in the email, I was coming to get my money back. He didn't have cash. He transferred the money in front of me. And a day later he also refunded the amount by bank transfer, so I had my money twice. I thought, if I still get the item, I'll leave a good review, with a 'he just needs a little encouragement'.


The year was above all marked by loss. I find comfort in nature, in helping others and praying alone. Glimlachend gelaat zwaar hart.  Made a lot of crafts as donations to animal rights organizations.


2019, the year that dad got really sick and I stopped smoking and added JKD next to the silat training. 2020, corona, kitchen closed. I went completely vegan. 
Some used the corona time to make babies, because that is what you do when your future is uncertain. Others used it to get a butt lift. I used the time to educate myself on all topics I never had time before to do so. 
Not baptism, but veganism turned me into a born again Christian. You truly understand the meaning of compassion, those 2 belong together, one not without the other.

and just like that, others want to erase your memory, your childhood. Your birthright. Your dads lovely wish we would always enjoy a meal together, as a family, all with our own little families.  

My hometown

Growing up as child

A few favorite memories of mine:

* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience
* Hair als golden as the sun, eyes as blue as the sea, feet as fast as mine, always ending up at the same time on the finish line. The first boy I ever fell in love with. Milan from a place named Kamen. I think I was about 6.

A wonderful sign in the mountains asking people to leave only their footprints behind   

My fav prayer spot, on the mountain

There's nothing like waking up with a view of the sea, that's real wealth. 2019.

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

peaches, grapes, figs, all kinds of trees that you could eat from in the garden 

And so my childhood became a part of jr's childhood too. 

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind

My top 5 fav books

Sun Tzu Art of War (see also page 103 of book Strategic Weapons of our Warfare by Elsie Clark), BoF Rings Miyamoto Musashi, Wen Tzu Lao Tzu, Bible and Hagakure. Tsunetomo says don't be a bitch, you live you live, you die you die. Bible says don't be a coward, have no fear. So says Musashi. Every day is good. Be vigilant always. And be aware. Apathy is just as much a sin (in your ear whispering demon) as cowardice sloth greed defeatism etc.

The greatest among you shall be your servant, said Jesus.

And just like Jesus or a Musashi, you accept death.
Two are stronger than one, but do not forget that the devil attacks when you are alone.
And you know what, you will not be betrayed by an outsider but by someone standing next to you.  

Meekness is not weakness

Fact: if you actively stand up for good you will be attacked regularly physically, spiritually and mentally. If you serve the Lord, you become a target of Satan's envy (you will recognize them by their fruits). Satan will put you into endless and severe testing. Satan's attacks will never cease because you are shaking the foundations of hell.

2 Cor 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Mockery - Luke 23:11
Poverty and tribulation -Revelation 2:9
Slander, Lies - Matthew 12:36
Imprisonment - Mark 6:17, Daniel 6:1-28
Torture - Isaiah 50:6, Acts 14:19
Death - Genesis 4:8
Threats - Acts 4:21, 4:29
Exile - Revelations 1:9
Persecution - 2 Timothy 3:12

Your own choice

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice.

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

Ever tried the whip cracking trick - cutting a cig from the mouth? I did. And when I wanted to sell the whip, I was bombarded by pervs

I have said for years (when I was young and pursued) that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, not trying to emasculate a man; I did so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman.... 

Happiness is an illusion

... in a world of apathy cruelty and senseless violence

Only if you close your eyes to everything around you can you be happy in this world. Otherwise it is an ongoing task of taking responsibility. Rarely that you can have a deep conversation with a human being. Or that a man is willing to give up his weaknesses. Ego, easy money, bowing to false gods adding water to wine, getting rich off other people's backs, STDs, lies, excuses. Spinelessness.

And I absolutely deserve (as in karma punishment - (albeit I must note.. I never even came across a Christian lad!!)) to be alone. I would bring along a potential to a survival weekend only to see how it would respond on being deprived of food and sleep. I would encourage them to join the legion also to see if they would be able to be faithful for 5 years (none did). I would invite them into the dojo to see their stamina (which was none, and you never hear them again). What can I say, I think I was an asshole. And I confess, my mindset has not changed.
~ Besides the fact that I feel a man should behave like a man and not like a princess, the consequence of a relationship is eventually living together, and that means that you bring someone into your home who had to be an example for your child. Imagine me encouraging my son to be deployed and then you have a spineless chicken sitting at home on the couch playing with his balls. What a disgrace

Idealist. Conservative. ..
albeit I knew I would give birth to a son, we didn't planned it so young. I always had problems with my stomach, so the pregnancy came unexpectedly. My ex said many years later that he knew I would kill myself if I had an abortion.

I always said that if a second child were to be added into the family, the second would have been adopted so that another life could also get a second chance. I encourage adoptions, including animals; give a discarded child a home.

Opposites Attract?
I am rational and believe that housekeeping is part of a woman's duties and that prenuptial agreements are self-evident. Because of this, I always attracted the complete opposite. Which I found beyond insulting.
Threw away my best years being mentally occupied chasing away flies, like a filthy priest who started stalking me (Toma from Austria) and a married sparring buddy from sports. Or a wannabe soldier who told me stories that he had fought in the Homeland War (CRO), not knowing that I could verify that information within an hour because if we know anything it is who fought there and who did not.

And I don't want my life to be artificially extended. I want everything to remain in the hands of God. If it is time to go, I want to go (home). When I'm dead I want to be burned so that the shell doesn't rot in a place where it doesn't belong. When the soul has left the body, the only place to remember is the heart. A grave means nothing to me.

By the way, impatience and lack of faith are characteristic of humanity. That is why you see political failure, short-term plans. And those who do think further, only think of their own gain. Moses saw his people betray God worshipping a golden calf within 40 days and here I am thinking in terms of decades.