My Pictures


Mijn motto: KISS: ja is ja, nee is nee, een woord is een woord, afspraken zijn afspraken, tijd is tijd, moord blijft moord (mens of dier) en regen is geen lava

Ever tried the whip cracking trick - cutting a cig from the mouth? I did. And when I wanted to sell the whip, I was bombarded by pervs

Amazing experience with my son at Skydive Rotterdam "The Flying Dutchmen" - June 2021 

first time in a photo studio 

29 May 2022 - Had my pictures taken by a real (friend) photographer in his studio for the first time. 

Unfortunately for me, the makeup artist I hired did a horrible job on my makeup. I was also suddenly bloated due to my period (which was a kickstart to the worst perimenopause time I experienced making me very moody and depressed) and when I was told that I looked sultry in a photo (from a male perspective) my mood was also a bit ruined. It is not and never my intention to look sultry in any way for I have no intention of chasing flies. Overall it was another interesting experience but I won't do it again. I feel way too old for this. Correction: I am, way too old for this.

Your own choice

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice.

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I have said for years (when I was young and pursued) that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, not trying to emasculate a man; I did so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

(when you visit a 2000 year old well only to find a hippie fest built around it. Chalice is for new age escapists what Medugorje is for roman catholics and Disneyland for children. - at Chalice Well Glastonbury in 2019)

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind

My top 5 fav books

Sun Tzu Art of War (see also page 103 of book Strategic Weapons of our Warfare by Elsie Clark), BoF Rings Miyamoto Musashi, Wen Tzu Lao Tzu, Bible and Hagakure. Tsunetomo says don't be a bitch, you live you live, you die you die. Bible says don't be a coward, have no fear. So says Musashi. Every day is good. Be vigilant always. And be aware. Apathy is just as much a sin (in your ear whispering demon) as cowardice sloth greed defeatism etc.

The greatest among you shall be your servant, said Jesus.

And just like Jesus or a Musashi, you accept death.
Two are stronger than one, but do not forget that the devil attacks when you are alone.
And you know what, you will not be betrayed by an outsider but by someone standing next to you.  

Meekness is not weakness

Fact: if you actively stand up for good you will be attacked regularly physically, spiritually and mentally. If you serve the Lord, you become a target of Satan's envy (you will recognize them by their fruits). Satan will put you into endless and severe testing. Satan's attacks will never cease because you are shaking the foundations of hell.

2 Cor 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Mockery - Luke 23:11
Poverty and tribulation -Revelation 2:9
Slander, Lies - Matthew 12:36
Imprisonment - Mark 6:17, Daniel 6:1-28
Torture - Isaiah 50:6, Acts 14:19
Death - Genesis 4:8
Threats - Acts 4:21, 4:29
Exile - Revelations 1:9
Persecution - 2 Timothy 3:12

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman....

My hometown

Growing up as child

A few favorite memories of mine:

* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience
* Hair als golden as the sun, eyes as blue as the sea, feet as fast as mine, always ending up at the same time on the finish line. The first boy I ever fell in love with. Milan from a place named Kamen. I think I was about 6.

and just like that, others want to erase your memory, your childhood. Your birthright. Your dads lovely wish we would always enjoy a meal together, as a family, all with our own little families. 


"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

A wonderful sign in the mountains asking people to leave only their footprints behind  

Happiness is an illusion

... in a world of apathy cruelty and senseless violence

Only if you close your eyes to everything around you can you be happy in this world. Otherwise it is an ongoing task of taking responsibility. Rarely that you can have a deep conversation with a human being. Or that a man is willing to give up his weaknesses. Ego, easy money, bowing to false gods adding water to wine, getting rich off other people's backs, STDs, lies, excuses. Spinelessness.

And I absolutely deserve (as in karma punishment - albeit I must note.. I never even came across a Christian lad!!)) to be alone. I would bring along a potential to a survival weekend only to see how it would respond on being deprived of food and sleep. I would encourage them to join the legion also to see if they would be able to be faithful for 5 years (none did). I would invite them into the dojo to see their stamina (which was none, and you never hear them again). What can I say, I think I was an asshole. And I confess, my mindset has not changed.
~ Besides the fact that I feel a man should behave like a man and not like a princess, the consequence of a relationship is eventually living together, and that means that you bring someone into your home who had to be an example for your child. Imagine me encouraging my son to be deployed and then you have a spineless chicken sitting at home on the couch playing with his balls. What a disgrace

Idealist. Conservative. ..
albeit I knew I would give birth to a son, we didn't planned it so young. I always had problems with my stomach, so the pregnancy came unexpectedly. My ex said many years later that he knew I would kill myself if I had an abortion.

I always said that if a second child were to be added into the family, the second would have been adopted so that another life could also get a second chance. I encourage adoptions, including animals; give a discarded child a home.

Opposites Attract?
I am rational and believe that housekeeping is part of a woman's duties and that prenuptial agreements are self-evident. Because of this, I always attracted the complete opposite. Which I found beyond insulting.
Threw away my best years being mentally occupied chasing away flies, like a filthy priest who started stalking me (Toma from Austria) and a married sparring buddy from sports. Or a wannabe soldier who told me stories that he had fought in the Homeland War (CRO), not knowing that I could verify that information within an hour because if we know anything it is who fought there and who did not.

And I don't want my life to be artificially extended. I want everything to remain in the hands of God. If it is time to go, I want to go (home). When I'm dead I want to be burned so that the shell doesn't rot in a place where it doesn't belong. When the soul has left the body, the only place to remember is the heart. A grave means nothing to me.