A video I made in the airplane (2019). You can see the airplane blades, right? Well, with my naked eye I could no see them move at all.

The camera registers this because of the shutter speed. 'Try to swat a fly and it will soon become clear that they're faster than you. Flies, compared with you and me, essentially see the world in slow motion. 

Some flies see six times faster than us, catching prey in mid-air in less than a second. This happens because animals see the world around them like a continuous video. But in reality, they piece together images sent from the eyes to the brain in distinct flashes a set number of times per second. Humans average 60 flashes per second, turtles 15, and flies 250. The difference between our perception of time and a fly's (or any other animal's) comes down to the speed at which the eye, and ultimately the brain, can record repeated rapid flashes of light. This is called the flicker fusion rate'.

I don't always see the spirit with my naked eye, but I do feel (or hear) it's presence always. Like the soft sound of wings. I am very known with that sound since I befriended a hella lot of birds in the last 2 decades. Many of them loyal crows, and one raven of which bystanders (even a car driver once stopped his car and got out to ask) think they are always the same ones and belong with me. Hell no, they belong outside, Father gave them trees. 

7 Day fasting

2019 - On the 7th day I created this video just to show my physical condition. When fasting, don't be like pagans who only postpone glutton for a small period. I ate nothing and only drank coffee tea and water. On the 7th day there was written the advice to take, and this I took with me. The advice was not taken but sela, man has the free will and that is the gift God will never take away. Fasting makes a prayer stronger.

Most memorable dreams

as child always dreams about wars between angels, in young adult life many small foretell dreams and as adult mostly symbolic dreams as answers to prayers/questions

Dream in 2005 ~ of Jesus on the Cross

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw a man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering - not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight. It was so beautiful I never forgot about it.

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

Foretell dream in 2006

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on - thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed - he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it's not only feathers that make fine birds.

Sharks

I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up. One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.

1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings - friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it - even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this - white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it's good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.


2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you.

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand - but then I woke up.


Aztlan

In 2005 I had a dream where i was standing on a mountain. The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around - and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing. Like children, sweet playful and just kind. I wrote a poem about it calling them the children of the rainbow and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year thinking about him I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind.

It was him who pointed out the spirits on my pictures. I had never noticed them before.

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.
Another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don't look up or think about the fact that it's weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

2021 - rage control

A dream after praying for help to control my growing rage against utter injustice. The lack of compassion is disturbing, the manner people continue their ways after being warned thru the pandemic. The sorrow, the sadness, the pain, the horrible horrific injustice and deceit that is taking place... So I went to bed praying for help because I do not want to chase away the last few people around me. In the dream suddenly a cat showed up, a little kitten that comforted me and that in the dream turned out to be Michaela's sister. Eventhough I felt calmer, my rage was still brewing. Then some force restrained me. I resisted, then I let go. Some presence held me in its arms and I felt the rage flowing away. I could feel it being beside me when I woke up. Slept like a baby.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

There are some strange notions regarding the Angels. One such notion is that when we die we become an angel and do good for others. It contradicts the Biblical understanding of the Angelic which informs us that we will "Judge the Angels."

The angelic has become very popular in recent years with the advent of the New Age (resurrection Sumeria) Movement. IIts adherents often use Christian terminology such as "Guardian Angels" to describe consultation with the dead or evil spirits (<'ghosts'; demons). The angels whom the Bible calls "Ministering Spirits" (Heb.1:14) have many varying different roles and functions to assist the Christians here on the earth. Not only do they minister to God before the Throne day and night but they also convey God's messages to His people. Some have specific roles and are created to perform specific tasks such as the Guardian Angels of countries, territories and individuals. We all have a guardian angel. From Jacob's ladder we know they descend up and down earth. That they listen to God. That you do not pray to angels and they surely won't listen either. If you pray to an angel and you get a reply, congratulations, you just summoned a demon. Angels are in service of God. Your phone line is the Holy Spirit. If you make that phone call to God, he dispatches an angel. Now take note; one angel alone, had the strength to remove the stone covering the tomb of Christ. One angel alone, slew in one evening 185000 Assyrians. Now that's a perfect companion if you ask me. A perfect witness as well. 


26 Day Fasting

(3-2021) No solid food fasting. Craving for vegan cake, fries and all that but need to sit it out till after Easter. When I decided to fast I did not think about Easter. But it is fitting, because so many will now feast on concentration camp eggs which mocks Jesus who compared himself to a hen. And eat lamb flesh, which pleases Satan, because it was the blood of Christ itself, the lamb of God, who took away our sins. 

I can't believe that the fasting actually ends on 6 april, so exactly after Easter. Honor to Christ. Will have a vegan festive meal afterwards.

"But the one who slaughters an ox is like one who kills a person; The one who sacrifices a lamb is like one who breaks a dog's neck; One who offers a grain offering is like one who offers pig's blood; One who burns incense is like one who blesses an idol. As they have chosen their own ways, And their souls delight in their abominations" Isaiah 66:3

Picture above taken 22-03 in evening. 17th day of fasting. Thinking about the people I fast for, one being stupidly proud because 'that's the way his ancestors did it', the second I'm pretty sure he hates my guts like nobody on this planet. But I continue to pray for them all because being Christian actually has nothing to do with yourself. This type of prayer is called intercession (1 Tim 2:1). Abraham's cousin was saved only because of Abraham's intercession. The Father loved Abraham so much and valued his friendship with him, He actually looked at Abraham while He was sleeping, asking if He should wake Abraham up for what He was about to do...  (pic underneath 03-04-2021). Today 04-04. I'm genuinely hungry now. Fasting ends 06-04 at 00:00.


You are looking at the (calm center) eye of the storm. I have deliberately not shared certain information so I will never have to waste time with frauds.  

Just for fun, playin around. 10.04.2021

24 July 2021

You are looking at the (calm center) eye of the storm. I have deliberately not shared certain information so I will never have to waste time with frauds.  


Angel Encounter

I think it was 2005. Me and a non-Christian friend were collecting signatures for a cause. We stood in front of the library. At some point an old man came out of the the library and I asked if he could sign the paper. He wanted to, but soon saw the signature would be useless without an address; he turned out to be homeless. He came from Greece and his mandolin was stolen in the homeless shelter. All he had left was the jacket in his hands. He did not want to eat. He declined to take money (I offered half I had, which was 5€, could not offer all as I had a kid at home, same reason why I could not offer to stay in my house), he only accepted a bit of water. He started to talk about the evolution of people, the rise of the cities, the demonic nature of human experimentation on animals and so on. My friend joined in the conversation and got swept away as I was, as if a vision was shown before our eyes. The Greek's face seemed to change, his grey hairs seem to turn silver.
There was something extraordinary about him. A moment of distraction, someone wanted to place their signature. He walked away so I called after him, is there anything I can do for you? He smiled, held his hands in the air and said "God is Great". When I came home, I prayed for him and opened the bible, and there was written "God is Great". Does anybody know how often this exact words are written like that in the bible? Like maybe once?? Even my non-Christian friend is convinced to this very day that this was no random man but an angel in disguise.

Heb 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Materialisation

Materialisation (1997 and 2005 of money): I've had money to the last cent deposited (the exact ammount needed, like a 326,74!) on my bank account which I asked for (not for me) twice. Two witnesses by the by (both times one), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

1996: A woman from the maternity care came by each day after I gave birth. She was a lovely caring woman and I had noticed she was wearing a golden necklace, but without pendant. I found out she loved to have a child some day too, as well as what kinda flowers she loved, so we chatted quite a bit. One day while taking a walk thru the city with the little one my ex and I stood in front of a jewelry store and saw a beautiful small golden pendant of a pram. It was 70 guilders (not euro's back then). I knew this was meant to be for her. But I was fired because I was pregnant, and my ex's paycheck would not arrive for surely a week. We had little to spend. But I was sure God would want me to give this to the caring woman. So then the last week arrived that she would come by. We went to the city to check our bankaccounts every day, but no penny was deposited. Then the last day arrived, Friday, and I woke up my ex and said, we must go now, it is there, I am sure of it. Full of confidence I went to check my bankaccount, and there it was, 75 guilders. So we bought the golden pendant of 70, and spent the other 5 for flowers she loved (sunflowers). So we did not spent one cent for ourselves. Because this was Gods gift for her. When she opened the gift she cried, she was grateful. I am confident, that after having met us, her child wish was granted.
28-07-2020> we bumped into each other (20 years later)... I told her I sometimes regret in life not telling people the story behind the gift, and told her about the prayer and money. She was deeply touched and told me that she had given birth to a boy, and has 3 kids now. I told two people about this encounter. They call it coincidence. My heart sank. 'Coincidence'. 'Just a dream'. 'Just a dust particle' . I decided not to share these stories anymore, only here. Because the responses are now on the verge of them committing the sin that will not be forgiven. Give Honor Where Honor Is Due (Proverbs 3:27). My heart sank not because they do not believe me. It is because it hurts me that they do not acknowledge Gods hand in it. His work. His grace. Not me. Him.
I asked God, prayed for the money for the gift, He came thru with the exact ammount. The gift came with a meaning, that God would give her a child. I am glad I had the opportunity to tell her about it.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

On this same day and hour (28.07.2020) this email above reached me. Which warms my heart. A child to choose a creation of yours to honor God is beyond special.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

2005 was similar as to the 1997 situation; exact ammount of money needed was deposited. And again I was in a position of being broke, fired, unjust. And again I asked money not for me but for someone else.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

What is similar to the two situations is that the money came from big companies. Companies that make a lot of money, and can do good but do not. Both denied having deposited the money, both said the money is not found in their administration.

In 2018 materialisation of a plate. My favorite beautiful tiny plate.. had it for years, already had cracks. All of a sudden I noticed TWO of them. One was brand new. I did not buy it, where did it come from. When getting used to having two of these plates... the old one had dissapeared!!! Materialism like with the money in 1997 and 2005. But on a whole other level. It reminds me of Don Poek and Michaela, the exchange.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

Meditation

A leaf of a green plant, sharp edges. My finger was cut because of the sharpness, the blood dripped from the leaf - small nice beautiful red drops of blood fell on the ground and then flew in the air. I focused on these drops that clinked together and then formed a red lotus - which opened. And then fell apart - and again the red blood balls - drops clinked together and a red lotus was formed and opened his leafs. Have been lookin at it for a while - and then it was gone. Lotus of blood

Oddities

3 Doors in the Clouds
2014 I've seen 3 doors in the clouds. Feeding the birds you are used to them flying above your head. I looked up and then my eye caught these 3 huge doors in the sky and I'm not talking about door shaped clouds.

Angels Play With The Cats
2014 I've seen my cat Poek being fed. By someone I could not see, as he started to eat something that was not there. In 2015 they play a lot with cat Michaela. In 2018 Michaela was speaking at least 2 nights with someone. In May 2020, I was in bed, just cuddled with M and being grateful for this kind little creature I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.

Time Is Illusion
I've seen someone fall in 2013, and in that time I could do things/walk around and actually think what I should be doing to help this man. In other words; I had TIME, as if time for me was slow and for the man was just 'normal'. We know there are many dimensions, but this to me is irrefutable proof that you can 'travel' thru time. Somehow. (bible: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years)

Storm
02-05-2021 a storm of lightflashes before me when I opened the balcony door in the night. Right, left, like a storm of falling stars, so many, so quick, so long, I tried to touch it but then it was gone
2021 June - in one week I saw 3 apparitions. One was present in the dojo, at the dentist and in human form outside. They really take the forms you would least expect. The human version; unbelievable, the one you would not notice. or not give it a second thought.

Jesus Christ Born on 19 June

19 June 2016. Day of full energy, lightflashes and all, everything which contains a bit of energy went off. Climax between 23-24.00. Made pictures, house was full of lights. Had no idea why. Now in 2020 I do.
Addition: is it not 'coincidence'?? that Satan choose this month to celebrate 'pride' (the sin that made Satan fall), abusing God's rainbow...

Relationship With God

I sinned once deliberately. He warned me beforehand.

I was angry at God once. As reaction He showered me with love.

God uses animals as signs

On two occasions God showed me what was going on via insects. Both signs occured after sinning.

On another occasion I prayed for God to send me an angel to a rally I would probably be outnumbered in. I trained all week with and without but I also prayed. And the night before, I asked the Father to send me a guard. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by doves. Then, silence. Then crows. Silence again. Then sparrows. Silence again, and that went on with all possible birds you can imagine in the city. And then... they all sang together! This of course was not normal, it was the call of the animals in which they announced the arrival. Early in the morning I was awoken by a noise in the kitchen. My first reaction was fear, I mean someone was in my home (my son was with his dad). I gathered courage in the next minute after truly identifying the noise as a chair was moved too, and ran down the stairs with a knife in my hands. I kicked in every door as to come down with big noise but .. there was nobody there. Nobody. I remember my prayer and the birds in the night so I welcomed the guest. Before going to the rally, I kissed my cat goodbye and said, I hope to see you in good health later on, but opening the bible for one last prayer and it was written I would. On the rally itself a copper asked me something, about being on my own or such. I smiled. He of course could not know I never travel alone.

Your Gut Instinct; The Holy Spirit

1996 ~ Justifiable rage (forgot which year exactly, think it was '96).

I was asked by X to join her at least once at her church service. I did. But when I came inside the building I felt I was getting angry. When the service began, I felt as if I was on fire and when the women started singing it felt as if demons were attacking my ears. I cursed and ran out of the church as I excused myself to X while crying as X came after me. I was so ashamed that I could not control my behaviour at times. Later we found out the church was rated number 1 on the list of dangerous cults.

Memorable Strangers

Tibetan monk in 2005. Called me in the crowded city with an astonished look on his face, pointing 'you are very lucky'. I know I replied and went my way. He just caught me in a conversation with..

2016 second time, again a Tibetan monk. Of course not the same one. So weird. How can people have a conversation with each other without speaking. The understanding, calmness and serenity. How can we from different faith systems connect so perfectly.

2006. I was in grief and walked into the library. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

2003 or so, a homeless man. I just had taken away my son to daycare and headed off to work. Single mum, little money, so once again broke. I had 1 slice of bread in my briefcase. No topping. As I was walking towards the metro station I heard a homeless man whispering asking for food as he stood next to a wall completely trying to bother no one. He did not want to disturb anyone at all, and his voice so soft. I said I am so sorry, I do not have money. But all he wanted was food, he was hungry. He literaly asked for a piece of bread. Lord and behold, what are the chances?? I only had 1 slice, but I was counting on money to be deposited that day and if not, well, I could live on coffee at work. I appologized for the bread having no topping, but he said it was ok because the mcdonald nearby would be open soon and he would put sugar on it. Till this very day I am glad I passed by. I had exactly what he wanted. And I was the one who noticed his humbleness.

1999 (I think it was) homeless man. I met a lot of homeless people in my life, trust me, not all are angels or just humble people. There are humans who just strayed on their way of life, like a musician that played Metallica on his guitar on my request after giving him bucks. Or one that I met a few times in my life, and very strangely each time when I was heading to a job interview, just a real bum but an entertaining one who made a real job out of begging. The very first time we met he was obsessed with the tattoo in my neck. What does it mean he said? I said I was part of a clan that all have this tattoo and that we burn homeless people in the night. LOL. Anyway, I was asked out by a man who that week stopped on the middle of the road in his sporty car and gave me his card, asking me if I wanted to be in his magazine and join car shows like those girls that walk around serving as eye candy. I was a young mum and our family was still one so I (yes it was legit, I visited his business, he was a car designer) declined, but since he was a busy man with never time off I asked him to join me and a friend on a night out, which we would meet later. He started to tell me how much money he had gambled away with his mother prior meeting me that evening. A homeless man then approached us. His hands open, he wanted to ask something. The car designer ignored him. But I wanted to hear what the homeless man had to ask. He said he only wanted to change the little many coins he had in his hand, lets say 100 cents, into 1 gulden as he needed to make a call or so but nobody wanted to accept the little coins. Keep the coins I said, and I gave him 5 gulden. The car designer then stepped up and said, then I will give you 10. The homeless man, as if he was dressed like a swamp thing, a black old man, fell to the ground after he looked at the money in his hands. On this cold, cold night, in the snow, the ground frozen, hard cold bricks, he let himself fall on his knees in the old trousers, started to cry and lifted his arms thanking God. I was so glad God let me pass thru his path at that time. In my heart, these are my treasures. This is my gold. Memories, of moments that touched my heart to the very core.

A Few Examples of Answered Prayers

God has humor

Example one. I prayed all week every evening for something else (for others). And all prayers were answered. When Sunday arrived I thought of how all prayers were answered like a wishing well and started to think, oh what do I want now? I opened the book, a habit in which I randomly open the book and point my finger to a sentence, and then look. There was written.. it's now time to say THANKS.

Example two. All prayers get answered - well, not all but these get resolved differently. Anyway, I asked God, look, I don't ask for much. I only want a Ducati. I could see myself driving a black devil in the night, dressed in black leather for the cold, black snake boots (wasn't vegan back then) because it seemed fitting, a whip, a karambit and a kali stick with me to visit pedophiles and bring a can of whoopass. His answer was; you won't get the money because you will spend it on things you don't need. WELL YEAH I don't need it but Jesus.. anyway, so no Ducati for me.

Stories I Cannot Share

1994 - foretell dream that saved my life, you'd not understand
1998 - the car accident, you'd not understand

From beauty to beast from beast to beauty

I remember always thinking up games so I could help my mother and play. I would play garbage man, so with a toy truck I would clean the house and play at the same time. I walked my friend home eventhough it was dark and I knew I would get into trouble for it, because I knew God would have my back. I defended little children in the daycare if they were treated unjustly, eventhough I knew it would make me end up at the principals room. I read to them, as I also did to my siblings and son every single night.

When we moved to the Netherlands I was about 8-9 years old. It was Christmas and as I was driving on my bicycle to school, where the tree and a class full of candles and joy was awaiting, I noticed this elderly home. Not a single window had any lights. I saw old people, alone, sad. So with a classmate we drew cards with christmas greetings and rang on each doorbell of that home. Imagine this: two kids, with a handmade card, wishing you a Merry Christmas. Many who opened the door did not even had a christmas card, as I quickly glanced inside. There were maybe 1 or 2 suspicious of us doing that, but the majority was over the moon so happy. And one even chased us as she insisted to give us money for it. We declined and she started to run after us. We stopped running as I was afraid she might fall so we took the 2.50 gulden and bought candy later on. Harassed by pedophiles one time too many around my 13-14th birthday the innocence faded. If there was something unjust, I was willing to help, and only asked travel expenses. When one pedophile in particular made me stop as I was on my bike and he in his car, I thought he wanted to ask the directions and I was so appalled by his vulgarity that from that moment on, I carried a knife and was determined to step into the car next time and cut his pedo-balls into the smallest pieces imaginable. But that moment, never came again. The pedophile had escaped his fate, and so did a journalist (no real one, just a piece of trash working for a trash site) years later. By sheer coincidence this wicked man stumbled up in a crowd nearby. I waited for him to open door number 1. But he decided to walk thru door number 2, never knowing what he had avoided that day.

Do you want me to talk about the day me and a comrade confidently headed up to a lion's den, only the two of us vs expected 50 opponents? Well, we both had a substance with us which is not illegal if you carry it alone. Mixing the two together would create, ..... their problem. In the beginning it sounded like music to my ears when I heard an opponent say 'ACAB'. But the word of a coward is worth nothing, you think you have free game but the first thing they do is run to the ones they supposedly detest so much.
Then I think about the diamond/art thief who I joined twice, not as thief but as observant due to my curious nature. Or the time me and another comrade started arguing about who would strip down the victim of a what I now see as a prank/warning gone too far because neither one of us wanted to see his naked butt. The intention was to kick him out naked at the border and let him walk home. But the person sensed something was up and jumped out of the driving car.

What is the point of sharing the above?
Maybe just for amusement, I don't know.
Maybe because assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
Maybe because it's sickening that evil people have their mind set bullying harrassing and abusing those they consider weak and easy to control. Children. Animals. Women.

Power of emotions

What I did not understand is the extreme cold I experienced the evening, a hour after hearing the news my father departed. So cold that I chattered my teeth so hard this resulted in a root canal treatment (done when I came back). The computer (websites, all payment systems) suddenly malfunctioned for hours, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half submerged. But when I came back after the funeral and I sent them off for repair everything worked fine, as if nothing happened.
However: on 28 Dec 2021> after hours of crying and deep sadness all the devices started acting weird again. So I now think that it had to do with your own negative energy that influenced the space around you

UFO

Least interesting to me but adding them here in name of documenting all rarities.

First of all; UFO means nothing else than an object not identified. If your brain sees one and you decide it's not an airplane, a drone, a bird or whatever, than it's simply an object that has not been identified.

I have seen unidentified objects a few times in my life.

1) Once when I was a young teenager looking at the stars on the garden swing alone. Two passed flew over my head without any noise and disappeared in sight, vanished.

2) Saw one (at age 30) in the middle of the (Rotterdam) city hovering above a very busy traffic intersection in the morning. I was surprised nobody else noticed. I did not want to take my camera because I was afraid it would be gone quickly so instead I kept watching it. Fascinating.

3) In 2019. I was in bed, it's 2-3 in the night. I just went to bed and it is next to the window so I can watch the moon and stars. I saw a UFO flying and then dissapeared into a cloud.

It gave me a very uncomfortable feeling so I immediately turned off the light. Then I noticed my room was the only one that had a light on, all those houses, flats, not a single light anywhere. So I was the only one awake. To my horror. I wondered if I was noticed. Then suddenly my bedroom window made a big sound as if a huge pressure was applied to the 4 corners of the window, it was the sound of a blast. Pretty scary actually.

4) Also in 2019. I was sitting first row in the airplane on my way home from Split to Rotterdam after visiting my father, who was ill. The weather was bad, rain, thunder, the lightening was kissing the airplane. Seat belts had to be on the entire flight and the flight attendents seemed to be worried. When I saw the lightening playing with the clouds I asked myself if I was ready to die. I decided quickly I was, my son is grown up and has a girl, all I care about have a partner by their side and my father in good hands. Only my cat would need care but my mum or son would surely take care of my child as if it was theirs. So yes, I was ready. Then I looked out of the window and saw big lights, like gigantic headlights in formation, standing still. I have no idea why I dismissed it, but my brain actually decided 'oh, those must be from the airport' and took a nap.