Decided to remove my personal website dating from 2008 and added it here.
Things so I won't forget. And to honor God (testimonies).

Even the father of health and medicine, Hippocrates did not eat meat yet we try to develop medicines while not even looking at the cause. Friends, not food. Not our lives to take and exploit. Smash Ego.

Be one less person harming animals: 👉 vegankit.com👈  
🌱Leef rechtvaardig. Kies plantaardig🌱
#supportALF 

Jesus said I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

A very strange day with many incidents, people have lost their minds due to covid. I achieved what I have hoped to achieve with martial arts for many years today, 12-12-2020. 

Getting pics taken in 2021. Satan wanted to take me down in 2019 by almost destroying my body with mirena, which made me depressed and gained almost 20 kg weight in a few months I could not shake off no matter how hard I worked out, it took me a year to recover. For the final blow a knife of betrayal was shoved deep into my heart it came out on the other side of the body. The pictures would be cool as I came out victorious and did not listen to the voices of defeat. Fuck you satan.

I absolutely hate male whores with lusty eyes and perverted mouths. Unless you have served 5 year legion or have an impressive war resume, your bitch ass better say nothin. 

(when you visit a 2000 year old well only to find a hippie fest built around it. Chalice is for new age escapists what Medugorje is for roman catholics and Disneyland for children. - at Chalice Well Glastonbury in 2019)

I watch the sky, day and night...

day and night

Selfie 2019. I was not wearing a hat and no dress but a tanktop with short trousers. Nobody stood behind me. Weird shadow huh, looks medieval. 

Welcome to my world

2019 Short video during prayer, was checking if my effort was appreciated since I was so tired - 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Nothing is as it seems. The most hideous looking bum (homeless, not showered for ages) I ever seen (in 2001) was also the most humble man I had ever seen with a big faith. A priest ((svecenik) in 2019*) seemingly friendly was a lusty whore in disguise full of lies. The bum was ignored by all people and the priest is popular, you see this constantly. That is why the most favorite costume of angels is that of a bum.
*(a filthy blob named Tom(o) from Austria who kept harassing me. When we virtually met I spoke about faith, while he kept saying I needed a man and about his sexual dream, I later on learned he had even lied to his own family about the ordeal, once again focusing on my  relationship status rather in my faith. This whore I blocked on FB
 would make another account and started liking my stuff on FB again)

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked pt at a medieval themed restaurant in 2014 to share her sandwich. 

If people can't even acknowledge that creatures like animals they can see are living beings - you can even communicate with ants, size does not matter - then why would they communicate with living beings their eyes cannot see. 

26 Day Fasting  (3-2021) No solid food fasting. Craving for vegan cake, fries and all that but need to sit it out till after Easter. When I decided to fast I did not think about Easter. But it is fitting, because so many will now feast on concentration camp eggs which mocks Jesus who compared himself to a hen. And eat lamb flesh, which pleases Satan, because it was the blood of Christ itself, the lamb of God, who took away our sins. 

I can't believe that the fasting actually ends on 6 april, so exactly after Easter. Honor to Christ. Will have a vegan festive meal afterwards.

"But the one who slaughters an ox is like one who kills a person; The one who sacrifices a lamb is like one who breaks a dog's neck; One who offers a grain offering is like one who offers pig's blood; One who burns incense is like one who blesses an idol. As they have chosen their own ways, And their souls delight in their abominations" Isaiah 66:3

above 21-03 during day, beneath 22-03 in evening

17th day of fasting. Thinking about the people I fast for, one being stupidly proud because 'that's the way his ancestors did it', the second I'm pretty sure he hates my guts like nobody on this planet. But I continue to pray for them all because being Christian actually has nothing to do with yourself. This type of prayer is called intercession (1 Tim 2:1). Abraham's cousin was saved only because of Abraham's intercession. The Father loved Abraham so much and valued his friendship with him, He actually looked at Abraham while He was sleeping, asking if He should wake Abraham up for what He was about to do...  (pic underneath 03-04-2021). Today 04-04. I'm genuinely hungry now. Fasting ends 06-04 at 00:00.

6 april 23:00

Just for fun, playin around.  10.04.2021

4 days later 14.04 at 01.19, visible with naked eye

You are looking at the (calm center) eye of the storm. I have deliberately not shared certain information so I will never have to waste time with frauds. 

19-02-2021 It's just the two of us now

Everything is Connected

One of the stories in the childrens book I wrote in 2012 is about a friendship between a child and it's vehicle.. (everything is energy/connected)

Angel after Prayer 

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. Years after a picture was made of the room. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown. 

As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear".

Can't find the original pic anymore. My son made the picture. I disliked my shorts and only had 'paint skills' back then.

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge; 

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

Butterflies of Hope 

September 2013 (4th floor in Delft)- butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

2021 Feb - 1th floor in Krimpen aan den IJssel 

The more you sacrifice your own sins and wishes, the closer you get to God.
Your wallet cannot be full when others have nothing to eat.
The body is a temple and the Holy Spirit needs a clean house to live in, so the stomach cannot be
tainted with meat that depends on the slaughter of innocent blood (when not survival but glutton!)
No dairy built up by pus, screams and tears. No soda. No alcohol. No cigs. No slutties.
And with no slutties I mean I have faced sweet temptation, but did not act upon (contemplated for 7 years and pursued none). So not like pervert Gandhi.  
Temptation: like stopped smoking as promise to God (aah I loved smoking, it was delicious), and all of a sudden I got me a new neighbour who speaks Croatian and every single day offered me a cig, pleading I should take one. Lord knows I wanted to, but I cannot. I am bound.

Meekness is not weakness 

On one occasion, during the reign of King David, when the Angel of the Lord is about to destroy Jerusalem, God has to tell it to put his sword away. And when Jesus was arrested on the night before the crucifixion, one of the disciples grabbed a sword and sliced off the ear of one of the perpetrators. Jesus told him to put away the sword.

Angels were involved in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen 19:1, 12-13) and God used angels in bringing the plagues on Egypt (Psalm 78:43, 49). I like the angels, just as I like saint warriors. God blessed a skilled army, Judges 20:15-17 'all these were men of war', and Christ is a bad ass warrior. 

Prayer on top of mountain

Picture taken in 2016. My favorite spot 6 o'clock in the morning to pray on the top of the moutain behind the home I grew up in. Mountain top is reachable after 2 hours climbing. In 2018 I went with my son there to pray, and like in a fairy tale, the fields were covered with hundreds of butterflies around us.

Since 2016 I have asked up there to harvest because this world sick as shit. I prayed for war.
Since 2020 the prayer has been consistent asking for God to come and see what they do to his children, while burning two scented candles that go up with the prayer; one for the children who suffer, and one for the warriors that battle for the little ones. 

WWJD? Let me tell you what Jesus would do. Each time I went to HR I sat down at the table where it mattered the most. Where would Jesus want to sit down if he was there briefly, in a house where there is always joy and company and food, or there where there is nobody and barely any food.

My father 12.03.2021

My father never shove goatfuckers into my face like a pimp, saying it would be a great idea to defile my blood with those who killed and raped my people, just like I will never forget Tomislav Salopek. Those who do not accept Jesus Christ as savior and Son of God. Angels around Gods throne do not say 'love love love love'. They repeat "HOLY HOLY HOLY"! He did not use washing powder for the last decades as he said it polluted the sea. And when I told him William Shakespeare (one of his fav writer, as well as mine) wrote McBeth when he experienced a pandemic (locked in his apartment in London for months), he wanted to read it. His eyes however were no good anymore, so he asked me to send audio which I did. And dad knew who Ivan Roso was.

comfort after the funeral

A video I made in the airplane. You can see the airplane blades, right? Well, with my naked eye I could no see them move at all. The camera registers this because of the shutter speed. 'Try to swat a fly and it will soon become clear that they're faster than you. Flies, compared with you and me, essentially see the world in slow motion. Some flies see six times faster than us, catching prey in mid-air in less than a second.

This happens because animals see the world around them like a continuous video. But in reality, they piece together images sent from the eyes to the brain in distinct flashes a set number of times per second. Humans average 60 flashes per second, turtles 15, and flies 250. The difference between our perception of time and a fly's (or any other animal's) comes down to the speed at which the eye, and ultimately the brain, can record repeated rapid flashes of light. This is called the flicker fusion rate'. 

I don't always see the spirit with my naked eye, but I do feel (or hear) it's presence always. Like the soft sound of wings. I am very known with that sound since I befriended a hella lot of birds in the last 2 decades. Many of them loyal crows, and one raven of which bystanders (even a car driver once stopped his car and got out to ask) think they are always the same ones and belong with me. Hell no, they belong outside, Father gave them trees. 

22.4.21 elke stap in huis is een stap naar diepe bedroevenis. elke stap is loodzwaar doch het licht wijkt geen seconde van mijn zijde. ik mis mijn meisje. het huis is vervuld met kaarsjes en gebeden

my angel loved Mary Poppins songs

With my curtain closed I forgot it normaly was always open, and Mika would be on the right, and the dove outside on the left, only seperated by glass. Always looking at me when waking up. They make such a sweet sound.

02-05-2021

If you pay attention you see our guardian with us  

3-05-21 new friend

The Wounded Butterfly 

2018 - This was a wounded butterfly at work which I took home to recover in my tiny garden surrounded by fruit, water, shelter.

The butterfly stayed for the night and flew away the next day.  

Wounded Butterfly 2021

29-03-2021 I saw a butterfly in the middle of the road, to prevent her from being hit, I wanted to take her off the road. But she just sat there and climbed onto my hand. No matter what flower or bush we encountered, she wanted to stay put, so I took her home walking with her on an open hand. I put her on a plant at home and quickly went to the store to get some fruit.

Then I picked up the bee hotel from the basement that had been put away recently because the balcony is being repaired. To my great surprise, bees kept flying out. So they had hibernated in the hotel (I feel like a proud mother). After I had put the bees and hotels out I went looking for Clarabella, the balcony snail that has been here since April last year, with the plaster on her torn house. I found her eating my books again.   

The little child died the next day. The window was open, the day warm, but she did not fly away. She was deteriorating in front of my eyes. The last hour, oh that dreadful last hour I have seen it way too often, the fight for life. Holding on. Every being no matter how small wants to live.  

This little bee I found on the road 03-2020, also did not make it in the end. And last week I had taken a coot off the road that was hit by a car(guessing). I could still see his wing move. Afterwards, the animal welfare department informed me that the fracture could not be healed and the animal was put to sleep. I had seen a partner waiting for him / her outside by the lake. heartbreaking. 

Nobody Listening Anyway

'Coincidence'. Yes the doorbell rang. No, nobody was there if you paid attention.
Yes you can hear the wind chime, but if you pay attention you'd see there is no wind.
Yes I am aware of the lights in the home. No there is nothing wrong with your eyesight.
And those who initially did recognize the Lords work, would later on forget it. Like the turds in the desert did (no wonder Moses got fucking angry). You turn your back and they forget. But when they need you (God) suddenly they remember again and pray!! I show someone the power of prayer and they go off inspired and buy ghost hunting shit and start looking up demons. WTF. When you very carefuly show something, they get freaked out. 'It's creepy, it's scary'. The angels in their true form are not fluffy angels. They did not present themselves as 'don't be afraid' for no reason. I understand why some cannot have faith or have trouble believing. I also know why some things are as they are. But I cannot explain to people. Because they do not really care to know. If you really want to understand God, read 2 Esdras 4. What if I had asked you how many dwelling places there are at the bottom of the sea? How many rivers flow into the waters beneath the earth? How many rivers are there above the dome of the sky? Where are the exits from the world of the dead? Where are the entrances to Paradise?

The Son of God was hanged because nobody liked to hear his message.
The meat eater does not want to know his snack begged for their lives.
The whore who is after your body only, does not want to hear its superficial.
Jesus was like a mirror, and that's why people hated him. He did not want you to feel good, he wanted you to DO GOOD.
He was no 'social media motivator', 'influencer', 'a guru who asks you to seek your inner light'. Jesus was outspoken, Jesus was truth. Jesus at this very day and age, would be ignored or ridiculed. The only reason why he would not be hanged is because the people have such a big ego, that they would not even bother to listen even if He did spoke.

28 January 2021 - sometimes i can't believe what I am hearing. Theoretical bullpoop crap about what is a trinity blah blah. Was Jesus God, blah blah. Read the bloody bible and you will know. Ask God, and you will know. My spiritual trinity is God his Son and the Spirit, but my mental trinity is based on BIBLE, SCIENCE AND HISTORY. These three are so well grounded together that I have zero interest in theoretical mumbo jumbo discussions from sects that can easily be recognized by their fruits. 

Bumblebee

2019 this little fella was exhausted. I was on my way to work when I saw him. I had an injury so I didn't walk fast. To notice this little one fighting even harder to move the choice was obvious, I stumbled back home with the little one and placed him on my littl balcony/sanctuary.  

Exhausted bumblebee

I would never let you lay there gasping for air after all the hard work you did for all of us, sweet child. 

16-04-2021 Not my first and will probably not be the last. Every year my eyes spot an exhausted bumblebee on the road. Bit of water sugar and rest and off they go. They are absolutely grateful little critters. 

Company while in Prayer 

2009 ~ requested company after prayer (I was 'depressed') in Wallonia. 

I went for this walk (see also pic underneath this text) and asked God or his angels to accompany me. Depression fell upon me hard as I was confronted with earthly things (not because I wanted it, but because I saw it was admired by those I loved); someone who had everything, many friends, money and property, overall success. And I, getting older, still had 'nothing' of these worldly pursuits. He asked me 1 question only. He said, would you trade everything the person has for what you have?

I immediately said no and understood. Because these things were all worldly, and none had faith. So quickly the depression was gone and I started to enjoy the walk. As I was walking and talking I found this little church and felt the need to go inside. Inside, I felt the need to sit down but I was afraid I would break the chair so didn't. When I came home, only then I noticed that where my feelings were the strongest in that conversation, the lights are shown on the pics. 

Governments, Industries and Media; Satans Tools

Dobri Dobrev did not watch tv: "I do not accept those things from the devil" Dobri is a saint I wanted to meet when he was alive, or even watch him from a distance. I was declined by his superficial family member because unlike Dobri, she believed media lies. Dobri is someone I look up to and might end up like. 

I hardly watch television (only National G. or so when I need background noise so I don't hear the pagan demon summoning neighbour) and when I turn the telly on, you're immediatelly being lied to while looking up even a channel. Such as an advertisement on television about dairy in the Netherlands in 2020. The government and industry that earn from it misleads people from birth. The dairy industry is worldwide the same. It is not like the past, where a small village was able to drink from cows and the calves were kept alive and with their mothers. Humans are with so many, that the animals do not even have living space outside anymore. 

I grew up eating eggs from chickens that had lots of living space and a completely free life. I did not know about this satanic form of farming that has taken over the world. 

I am an eternal student, so I keep developing myself. The corona outbreak thought me a lot about zoononses where others decide to stay the same shallow pricks as they were before. 

Do not trust industries that earn from animals and certainly do not trust the governments or media without research.  

Another example of deception: "Poland wants out of the European treaty that combats violence against women" in the Dutch media:

The Istanbul Convention is a misleading treaty that pretends to protect women: with the treaty migrants will not be allowed to send back, paedophilia would be legalized and God denied by pushing the gender ideology. The state will decide how YOU raise your children instead. An Orwellian nightmare. Istanbul Convention Article 3 - Definitions f .: "Women" includes girls under the age of 18...

Friends Not Food.

I never was a big meat eater so the fact that I stopped eating meat didn't change much, when I found out animal cruelty is not happening in some cases, but ALL THE TIME.
I stopped drinking milk in 2020 before corona outbreak when I learned/realized about the dairy industry. Imagine, my breakfast was ice cream for many years each day, summer and winter to cool my body down when waking up. Stopped eating candy (gelatine). For Frederiq to show up out of the blue at the exact same moment I was sad about chicken farms I considered a sign once again.

Felt so sad when I saw this picture. I would have taken the child home for sure. At the same moment dad called me  "you've got a visitor". This rooster showed up and made a big impact.

We can all do something.....

Got this printed and placed it at my window for all to see

When you brought up your child without knowledge of factory farming and he adores meat, and decides to 'give it a shot', making me proud once again

Got stickers printed which I add with orders

first vegan junkfood (Jan 2020) best burgers I ever ate, damn..

Your own choice

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice. 

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

I have said for years now that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, even to suitors  I do so not trying to emasculate a man; I do so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren. 

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

2017 was the year in which I decided to join the Foreign Legion myself so (5 yrs) I would be able to help my soldier son when needed. Alas women could not apply at all. (pic taken in Dalmatia in 2017). Bless Mika, I thought she would live for many more years.

God is a righteous judge.

March 2020 - My son baffled me this weekend. He gave me some facts about a subject and as it turned out, he thought I had done something questionable. Well not questionable but simply dead wrong. I said no son, I did not and if you had done such, we would have a problem. If you doubt, always ask me. If I was wrong, correct me. If I would do something which is not righteous, I would lose the hotline with dad. Then I started to think.. I too.. have a doubt. And did not ask dad straight up. So I did.. see dad.. I was looking into cattle and what bothers me is that Lot offered his two virgin daughters.
>Yes, LOT DID. I didn't, Lot did. What did I say to Abraham when he asked me about sparing the life of the righteous people in Sodom?
You said if there are 40, I will not destroy it.
> If there are 30, I will not destroy it. If there are 10, I will not destroy it.

God's patience with sinning people explained

22 March 2020 - I wondered why God is so patient with bad people. Then I dreamed this. A shepherd walked through the fields with his sheep. This allowed them to graze where they wanted and he watched them. Then he saw a field of hungry wolves further on. The sheep in his vicinity were safe, so he did not have to worry about them. The sheperd called the sheep that stood at a distance and had separated themselves from the rest. Some were hit because they didn't want to turn around until they were on the safe side. The wolves would tear apart the sheep alive. He loved his sheep and he did not want that fate for them, even though they were stupid and stubborn. Then there were sheep so stubborn and selfish that the shepherd had to run after them. After tripping a few times, under the scratches, tired of shouting and running, and now far from his safe flock, the shepherd let's them go, shaking his head. They were torn apart by the wolves.

Human traditions still worth more than Gods word to bellies

30 March 2020 One short word for the traditionalists. Who care more for human traditions than Gods word. Boasting sitting in church on Sundays with fat bellies. I was not the first who noticed the same behaviour. St. Paul did so too. Who is it, that calls someone else 'Father'. Who baptize babies with water when Jesus or John touched not even one like that. Who is it who pray to the one not even a single sentence was devoted to by God or Jesus with request to pray to her? It is these who find it strange I care not much for birthdays (I tend to forget the year and age with people), because I am grateful for every day. Even in that, the bible stands on my side; 
There are only three birthday parties described in the entire Bible. Absolute disaster occurred on each occasion! If God felt birthday celebrations were something positive and good, why wouldn't He have recorded one other account where something either good or positive happened? Yet, there is no such account. 

Wasp friendship 

2015 A wasp came by every single day for at least 2 weeks a work. I found out quickly due to his behaviour that they recognize you by your scent as they come close and sniff you, and that they tell their mates/brothers? about you who will greet you too. My colleague said it was not the same wasp that returned each day. I said he was. Then the wasp stopped coming. After a few days I looked outside the window, only to notice someone had squashed my friend when they had closed it. 

Tommy the Cat & the Rat

One day I got home and saw a cat attacking a rat. I ended the fight, saved the rat and gave the cat treats.
The poor thing's ear was damaged, but after getting bread he quickly restored in spirit. I ended up going home on one boot because the other made him a fine home. Now Tommy turned out to be a neighbourhood cat. He would since that day, wait for me every day for treats.

Golden Gift

animal friendly fishing hahaha

Nothing more satisfying than a son applying for commandos whose namesake lead a skillfull army of God and (one of his other names) was named after Leon the Professional which also means.. lion.

Gift from God

1997 Birth of my son. When I was young I knew I would give birth to a boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Hence in his birthcard I had added the text 'predestined, so he came'. Long before it was official the baby would be a boy, I had enlisted him at a daycare center (you had to reserve a place beforehand) with his full name. I cried when I heard I was pregnant, from the hospital to the way home, and fell on my knees at home thanking God for this wonderful gift.

He has 3 first names, one of them means bear, another one means lion (French pronouncing) (+ of course one traditional Christian name). I read the bible to him every evening, took him to the librairy every wednesday for 2 hours where we read books before taking him to martial arts class.

chatting with son while him being deployed. I have no worries. 

Growing up as child

A few favorite memories of mine:
* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for 8 months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.

The picture above was taken right after the prayer on 5 April 2015 at 10:48 am. The angel watched over him day and night and left with him on 13 nov 2015.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel arrived was visible day and night and did not leave his side  

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, year after year.

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love.

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me.

Michaela - Gift from God

Michaela joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer.

This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers.

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha.

She is the first cat ever that always responds when I ask something. It has nothing to do with the tone of voice or eye contact. I can't explain. Maybe we are morphed into one, we see and hear and respond on same things at the same time.

Mika has a lot of Friends who like to play with her

Exodus 14:24 During the last watch of the night the Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud ... Exodus 19:16 On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain.. Exodus 19:9 The Lord said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud

The magical view from my bedroom window 

7 december 2020 - we are all awake till late

Listening to the rain

Mika and Noa Piccolo the snail
Noa died in July 2020. 

Don Poek had his own Facebook account. Now Mika's account

Michaela's death 5.2.2021

My sweet child, my mini mummy, my lifeline, my Gift from God left this realm on 05.02.2021. Every single day in all those years together she woke me up by licking my face and hair. Sleeping next to me every single night, running towards the bed the cutey. She was so loveable and caring and intelligent. Her death struggle was so hard and sudden and rough. 

here we spent so many happy hours together, looking out of the window, at the rain, the birds.

May God strike me with blindness if I did not see what I should have been able to see. I wish to see not if I don't see at all.

She was always by my side, we crafted, we chilled, if I worked out my legs she would sit on my stomach. She was my girl. She was the one who wanted me to stop smoking, who wanted me to act like a lady, who disliked the knife throwing and was a pure pacifist. She kept an eye on me by looking at me via the mirror. Who was unbelievably intelligent as she understood all I said (her own name directly, to which direction to walk etc), was grateful for each gift I brought her and if there was one word I could describe her, it was TRUST. It showed on a lot of ways, like me taking her to the vet without a cage, because she trusted me. I would say, you can let yourselves fall, I have you. And she would let herself fall in my arms. She was as beautiful as a snowflake and I told her this many times.

I caressed her in those bloody last moments and prayed My Father as this always calmed her down. It did so even in that terrible moment, she was so helpless. I prayed for none other than to ease her pain. I sought no angel (via God) to prolong her life as I did with Poek, I did not want more suffering. Nor do I want another companion, there is a cruel world out there with children suffering each day that never had a single moment of love because ego has given man the illusion that one animal deserves love and comfort and the other torture and death. They as we do share the same breath, and what will be done to them, will be done to us. Her name was trust, my name is loyalty. I was beyond happy with her and all the moments spent together were done in full awareness of being happy and grateful. I love you forever Mika.

Mika's suffering

17.02 Prayer. Mika's death was truly horrible, so helpless as she was and this has been nagging me. She was a gift, why did you allow her struggle. Why does my faith not make a difference, where were you to take away her pain. 

I prayed thinking of Mika remembering how calm it always made her, even in those moments of struggle and opened the book, after which I made the picture where you can see the white light shown. There is written (exactly these few sentences) that Jesus himself suffered tremendously and he was Gods son. That even Judas did not know that all was in Gods plan. That satan too did not know. What do you know is asked. I said Mika was and is TRUST. Trust in the Lords ways. And yes, I continued, my name will always remain to be LOYALTY. I will never bow down for monstrosities. There is only ONE. Acts 4:12

The darker it gets the more light I see. In the end days more and more people even the elected ones will say look there is no God, how can God be so cruel, and they will curse the humans God created. This pleases satan. 

The very first moment we met

Athair Ar Neamh

22.02.2021 As I could not stop thinking about the loss of what can only be described as perfect love, the tremendous gratitude for having experienced it, my head filled with flashbacks of my child. One song kept playing in my head and I was surprised when I translated the words...... Athair Ar Neamh. Father in Heaven, God help us.Father in Heaven, God help me. My soul, my heart, my voicepraise to you, oh God. I praise you from day to day. I praise you night after night.The moon, the sun, the wind, praise be to you, oh God.

A month later my father died. He died in his sleep, whereas my angel had a horrific long death battle. Her body laid on the floor as if she was crucified. I wanted to pick her up but I was so afraid it would hurt even more so I laid down next to her. I fully believe this angel of God took the pain upon her. 

It is hard to explain and you might think what kind of God lets his children suffer. But then think what his own Son went thru. I think Mika truly was God sent, due to all she did and has happened. And I think, God borrowed me this angel and took her back. Because I remember cuddling with Mika in 2020 and being grateful for this kind little creature and all of a sudden I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.  

A woman that has a very strong relationship with God too said exactly this too, while I did not even mention my thoughts about the matter. Because 5 years is too young for a child to get that sick all of a sudden. Her whole being was symbolical, her arrival, her death. 

The night I heard that my father had passed away I got very cold. So cold that I set the heating to 23-25 degrees. I was so cold and my teeth chattering so hard that I took a hot shower for half an hour to get warm. Then everything I touched broke, the internet connection went down, the mouse stopped working, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half flooded, I couldn't book a trip for hours because every page gave errors. Didn't sleep because of the headache. A week later at the dentist because of persistent headaches it turned out that a root canal treatment was necessary because of the chattering teeth that evening.

Bed & Breakfast Bird 

2018 A bird, of which an ornithologist whome I spoke to later that year declared an adult bird, came to my balcony on a hot summer day. I was watering plants in my miniature garden and then myself. The bird sat on a branch and I could tell he wanted too. So I invited him and he came. Had a bath, dinner, slept in a box on the balcony and left after breakfast in the morning. The bird didn't come back, but the next new guest was waiting under the balcony....

sometimesanimals just show up. at your door to give love and get food, and sometimes to just fall asleep and get their wings in heaven

this female duck stopped by for 2,3 years with a male, always on the same time

New Surprise Guest

I like it how they show up out of nowhere and call.
Same with a female duck, this is the 2nd year she stopped by

Noa Piccolo the Snail

- New Years Eve 2016 on the picture above, for me, Mika en Noa had her own fruit filled pineapple - 
After Mika's arrival I wanted to give her a friend to play with. So Noa Piccolo the snail came in the picture. Snails are extremely social animals like little dogs, who love to bathe. In Loving Memory 06/2016 - 07/2020. Here is Noa taking a bath

My buddy Max

Never met a rooster as social as Max. We were pals from the first second we saw each other. 
Like love at first sight. The wild cranky rooster was cuddly and sweet with me and I was crazy about him. 

Max the Rooster

The municipality had killed my friend Max and his family "we sent them to a better place" they claimed (gassed). 

His Family 

Max his daughter, it was cool seeing her growing up. She and her baby were killed as well, since I never saw them again. 

I don't forget any of my friends, no matter how small. They all walk around in my heart.

Little children of God

These two chickens came from a place where I worked, they were kept in the dark as entertainment for guests. But they would be locked up in the dark in a small cage during most of the days and nights. One of the two got sick and died (at the vet), and the black one came home with me. The chickens were not replaced. 

Staying with me at home for the night.

Her first steps outside with other chickens.

Noa

Noa loved to bathe.

Clarabella

Joined Noa after I patched her up on the balcony where I found her april 2020. In 2021 she is still here.

Miniature Garden ~ the Ocassional Balcony Snail Friends

While snailies always get water and food, after Noa's arrival Noa would get a balcony snail as guest as long as the guest wanted to stay.

The last guest was Clarabella, her house was broken so I patched it up.

My grandkids

The toad was surrounded by ten crows when I saw them. Gave the crows nuts and placed him where he could hide. Added him a crown for the picture because I like all things cute and he just ain't 

Found a pigeon on my way home and took the bird home.  Injury unknown, died shortly after I came home. 

Found a child half paralyzed on my way home. Took her to the vet but while waiting for the animal ambulance she died. She was poisoned. The jackdaw bird can live up to 15 years. They are monogamous and stick together for a lifetime 

Ant Mourning. Watched the ant for hours as he stood by his dead friend/mate(?). Other ants passed by but (s?)he did not want to leave the dead ant behind.

Two Tiny Crickets

We all need help. 

A strange screech amidst all other noises. 

After an extensive search, there were two tiny, tiny crickets found in the corner of a room behind a door. 

The screetching cricket was calling for his friend who could not move and had his tinys leg stuck in a cobweb. 

After carefully removing the cobweb from the tiny legs, the two went their way.  

Most memorable dreams 

as child always dreams about wars between angels, in young adult life many small foretell dreams and as adult mostly symbolic dreams as answers to prayers/questions

Dream in 2005 ~ of Jesus on the Cross

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw a man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering - not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight. It was so beautiful I never forgot about it.

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

Foretell dream in 2006

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on - thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed - he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it's not only feathers that make fine birds.

Sharks

I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up. One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.

1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings - friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it - even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this - white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it's good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand - but then I woke up.


Aztlan

In 2005 I had a dream where i was standing on a mountain. The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around - and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing. Like children, sweet playful and just kind. I wrote a poem about it calling them the children of the rainbow and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year thinking about him I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind. 

It was him who pointed out the spirits on my pictures. I had never noticed them before. 

A decade later a picture was taken of me while sleeping, and 3 (green, blue and white) spirits are hovering near my head, isn't that fascinating? 

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.
Another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don't look up or think about the fact that it's weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

2021 - rage control

A dream after praying for help to control my growing rage against utter injustice. The lack of compassion is disturbing, the manner people continue their ways after being warned thru the pandemic. The sorrow, the sadness, the pain, the horrible horrific injustice and deceit that is taking place... So I went to bed praying for help because I do not want to chase away the last few people around me. In the dream suddenly a cat showed up, a little kitten that comforted me and that in the dream turned out to be Michaela's sister. Eventhough I felt calmer, my rage was still brewing. Then some force restrained me. I resisted, then I let go. Some presence held me in its arms and I felt the rage flowing away. I could feel it being beside me when I woke up. Slept like a baby.

My hometown

2019. 

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

A wonderful sign in the mountains asking people to leave only their footprints behind

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman....

15  - 20  - 25 degrees color nude shoes
I effin hate 40 degrees. Flipflops are not my thing.

You realize you have a shoe thing when you are looking thru pictures and notice you have a lot of shoe pics...

could not resist making this picture. I noticed the sign while I was waiting for someone in front of that closed shop

Fun times

"Now the title bitch isn't applied to just women (sings DeCalifornia) cause too many motherfuckers gotta lot of bitch in them." As I already mentioned, I hate male whores. But they share a spot with cowards, the (often liberal "oh let everybody just be" who will not stand up with passion to defend children or animals) couch potato men who have neither ideology or faith. Boneless and balless. 

My Poetry

The Ancient Call

Prone to extremes am I
Satisfied with only the best
The best healer, the best combatant, the best poet
The best of the best with no place for the rest.
I am a lover, but it's not love that bonds me
I am a fighter, I strive for devotion and loyalty
For the sword must be molded in fire and thunder
in trials and tribulations, a pure and ultimate force
I call upon the four elements and stand before the four winds
a natural intoxication of knowledge and energy unified
I like Gods legion to be amused as well when the kingdoms fall
When we wash our feet in the blood of the wicked
I want them to attack in fury, merciless and full of wit
before the ancient winds will whisper in their ears
"Come back holding your shield or being carried upon it!"

Lullaby

Aimlessly wondering - bathing in disgrace
Sold their souls to pleasure, no dignity remained.
The flock, the sheep, awaiting to get devoured
the helpless ignorant mass - living their final hours,
Their weights crushed by responsibility ignored
For in last days of judgment - they all shall taste the sword.

Nameless poem, written in 2019:

like a lioness in a cage
self-imposed,
the wall so tall
a little bite
a little blood
a little lick
a little bit to satisfy the thirst
alas one drop will release the beast
it's a pigeon anyway

Nameless poem, written in 2020

the days bring no peace
the nights bring no sleep
deprived of sleep and peace
months on a row
I continue to train my fingers for battle
time and patience have became my grooms

Finis erit, prima Fuit

The devoted love of Penelope awaiting Oddyseus
Samsons love for Delilah
Real love knows no limits, no boundries,
Its unconditional. Its Divine.
It waits and gives. Hopes.
Remains in faith against all odds.
When one loves with a pure love that succeeds petty emotions, the love looses its impatience,
selfishness and expectations.

Changing Seasons

Years are passing by
wrinkles are forming around the eyes
black cat's whiskers turning white
sending prayers by candlelight
There is no cure for the occassional loneliness
and as long as I remember,
no remedy for December.

When you are close but still too far,
It does not matter where, but who you are.

Groundhog Day

Elke keer een stukje verder zwemmen
op dat stukje hout, zo oud
en wanneer dan de kust in zicht is,
pakken donkere wolken zich samen,
gaat het onweren en hagelen
en sleept de woeste zee je weer terug

De dag breekt aan de zon schijnt
en je gaat weer zwemmen vol goede moed
Soms kom je een drenkeling tegen
je biedt een stuk van je hout aan
en samen zwem je verder
je denkt, als ik nu rust kan jij zwemmen
en andersom, zo komen we er wel
maar het was geen mens, het was een meerman
die zich vermaakte om je leed
en toen hij uitgelachen was,
weer terug in de diepte gleed

En wanneer dan de vermoeidheid zijn tol eiste
en het lied van de sirenes zo lieflijk klonk
De zon tot hallucinaties zorgdroeg
en je van de zoute zee dronk
het water langzaam je longen vult
is daar een stuk hout,
die plotsklaps uit de hemelen valt

Repeat.
Koor: Maar bekijk het van de zonnige kant!
Je zwemt in de zee, maakt dingen mee. Wat een genot!

Niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen

The Case of Discipline

Oh but we have needs they say
We all have basic human desires.
Don't be a spineless chunk
and wisely use the powerful svadhisthana chakra.
Don't be like sleezy douchebags
jumping in each others bed,
work out instead!

Black Consumption

Satan was thrown out of Heaven because of his pride
Many are jailed because they were blinded by pride
Justifiable pride comes not out of love for thyself but for others
Like a mothers pride when her child learns well
So there are two different sources where pride comes out off
Be aware of which one you have
- the wrong one consumes you,
And will throw you out of Heaven too

Red Rose (sent to a soldier once)

Oh ye brave men, scattered around the globe
How I crave for this delight
The moment in which we all walk together
To enter the final fight.
I can hear all their hearts beating,
as loud as thunder.
Thus, courageous soldier
Let not alone my letters follow you,
wherever thoust might be,
For see the warmth of the sun as my extended arms,
when the sunbeam shines upon thee.
For as God shaped man in His likeness,
The blood debt shall be repaid
Tyranny, corruption, deceit and confusion
Cutting with a sharp blade the veil of disillusion
The ancient war - the time is now
The endless line drawn in the sand
Blood for Blood
- by the righteous hand.

Oorworm

Een slechte tegenstander is een aanval op je intellect.
Het toont van geen enkel respect
Hoe wil je een mens analyseren die zijn mentale condities beheersen kan
Die je beter kent dan jij jezelf.
Die weet dat hij altijd op het toneel staat,
omdat de wereld toekijkt of hij door het ijs zal zakken
Hoe wil je plannen smeden in het geniep
Als de ander ze in zijn dromen ziet.
Hoe wil je de ziel uit de mens halen.
Dat lukt je niet.

Damocles and Pandora meet Deus ex Machina

I have a curse that needs to be lifted
A therapist will blame it on childhood
A psychic will talk about bad karma and what I did wrong in a past life
A priest will tell me to pray and repent my sins
A drunk will tell me to raise a glass until I forget about it
Therefore chose your friends carefuly.
narrow minds, will give narrow opinions
Hateful minds, will give hateful speeches
None will lift you up, but drag you down in their sorrow
Now I say, this was just a moment of weakness,
for yes there is a curse
but just like with every great gift comes a lot of responsibility so I stick by Aristophanes's side..
just wait for the plot twist

Just a thought

Do not trust in man.
The heart of man is full of deceit,
He spends most of his money on himself
His words endless, his praise worthless,
his deeds few and shallow.
The apostles were mocked tortured and killed.
Yet man sits comfortably out of his chair and judges.
Like a Pharisee safe from his cave he points his sausage finger,
while animals suffer and children fall prey to pedophiles.
Soldiers taking their own lives dissapointed by man,
because they forget their service belongs to God.
On his empty shelf of deeds sits the cross he never picked up, collecting dust.
You will recognize them by their deeds. Words are cheap.

Arrow

They don't talk to you but about you
good or right, does not matter
Lonesome my Father must be
when they speak of him in sheer vanity
Only in their darkest moments
they remember his name

Jacket of Deep Grief (2021)

When I create, when I work out, when I dance, when I talk or when I walk, my new jacket is off.
When I stop, as if a butler is standing next to me, to not waste a good moment, the jacket slips on.
An eery but warm comfortable jacket.
Quite heavy on the shouldersIn it the physical body stands firmly groundedwhile the soul is on it's knees.
The jacket gives clarity,
and I will not depart from it. 

Materialisation

Materialisation (1997 and 2005 of money): I've had money to the last cent deposited (the exact ammount needed, like a 326,74!) on my bank account which I asked for (not for me) twice. Two witnesses by the by (both times one), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept.

1996: A woman from the maternity care came by each day after I gave birth. She was a lovely caring woman and I had noticed she was wearing a golden necklace, but without pendant. I found out she loved to have a child some day too, as well as what kinda flowers she loved, so we chatted quite a bit. One day while taking a walk thru the city with the little one my ex and I stood in front of a jewelry store and saw a beautiful small golden pendant of a pram. It was 70 guilders (not euro's back then). I knew this was meant to be for her. But I was fired because I was pregnant, and my ex's paycheck would not arrive for surely a week. We had little to spend. But I was sure God would want me to give this to the caring woman. So then the last week arrived that she would come by. We went to the city to check our bankaccounts every day, but no penny was deposited. Then the last day arrived, Friday, and I woke up my ex and said, we must go now, it is there, I am sure of it. Full of confidence I went to check my bankaccount, and there it was, 75 guilders. So we bought the golden pendant of 70, and spent the other 5 for flowers she loved (sunflowers). So we did not spent one cent for ourselves. Because this was Gods gift for her. When she opened the gift she cried, she was grateful. I am confident, that after having met us, her child wish was granted.
28-07-2020> we bumped into each other (20 years later)... I told her I sometimes regret in life not telling people the story behind the gift, and told her about the prayer and money. She was deeply touched and told me that she had given birth to a boy, and has 3 kids now. I told two people about this encounter. They call it coincidence. My heart sank. 'Coincidence'. 'Just a dream'. 'Just a dust particle' . I decided not to share these stories anymore, only here. Because the responses are now on the verge of them committing the sin that will not be forgiven. Give Honor Where Honor Is Due (Proverbs 3:27). My heart sank not because they do not believe me. It is because it hurts me that they do not acknowledge Gods hand in it. His work. His grace. Not me. Him.
I asked God, prayed for the money for the gift, He came thru with the exact ammount. The gift came with a meaning, that God would give her a child. I am glad I had the opportunity to tell her about it.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

On this same day and hour (28.07.2020) this email above reached me. Which warms my heart. A child to choose a creation of yours to honor God is beyond special.

2005 was similar as to the 1997 situation; exact ammount of money needed was deposited. And again I was in a position of being broke, fired, unjust. And again I asked money not for me but for someone else.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

What is similar to the two situations is that the money came from big companies. Companies that make a lot of money, and can do good but do not. Both denied having deposited the money, both said the money is not found in their administration.

In 2018 materialisation of a plate. My favorite beautiful tiny plate.. had it for years, already had cracks. All of a sudden I noticed TWO of them. One was brand new. I did not buy it, where did it come from. When getting used to having two of these plates... the old one had dissapeared!!! Materialism like with the money in 1997 and 2005. But on a whole other level. It reminds me of Don Poek and Michaela, the exchange.

Meditation

A leaf of a green plant, sharp edges. My finger was cut because of the sharpness, the blood dripped from the leaf - small nice beautiful red drops of blood fell on the ground and then flew in the air. I focused on these drops that clinked together and then formed a red lotus - which opened. And then fell apart - and again the red blood balls - drops clinked together and a red lotus was formed and opened his leafs. Have been lookin at it for a while - and then it was gone. Lotus of blood

Oddities

3 Doors in the Clouds
2014 I've seen 3 doors in the clouds. Feeding the birds you are used to them flying above your head. I looked up and then my eye caught these 3 huge doors in the sky and I'm not talking about door shaped clouds.

Angels Play With The Cats
2014 I've seen my cat Poek being fed. By someone I could not see, as he started to eat something that was not there. In 2015 they play a lot with cat Michaela. In 2018 Michaela was speaking at least 2 nights with someone. In May 2020, I was in bed, just cuddled with M and being grateful for this kind little creature I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.

Time Is Illusion
I've seen someone fall in 2013, and in that time I could do things/walk around and actually think what I should be doing to help this man. In other words; I had TIME, as if time for me was slow and for the man was just 'normal'. We know there are many dimensions, but this to me is irrefutable proof that you can 'travel' thru time. Somehow. (bible: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years)

Quantum Mechanics?
10-09-2020 turned off the flickering lamp, has been bugging me for days
Storm
02-05-2021 a storm of lightflashes before me when I opened the balcony door in the night. Right, left, like a storm of falling stars, so many, so quick, so long, I tried to touch it but then it was gone

Jesus Christ Born on 19 June

19 June 2016. Day of full energy, lightflashes and all, everything which contains a bit of energy went off. Climax between 23-24.00. Made pictures, house was full of lights. Had no idea why. Now in 2020 I do.

Relationship With God

I sinned once deliberately. He warned me beforehand.

I was angry at God once. As reaction He showered me with love.

God uses animals as signs

On two occasions God showed me what was going on via insects. Both signs occured after sinning.

On another occasion I prayed for God to send me an angel to a rally I would probably be outnumbered in. I trained all week with and without but I also prayed. And the night before, I asked the Father to send me a guard. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by doves. Then, silence. Then crows. Silence again. Then sparrows. Silence again, and that went on with all possible birds you can imagine in the city. And then... they all sang together! This of course was not normal, it was the call of the animals in which they announced the arrival. Early in the morning I was awoken by a noise in the kitchen. My first reaction was fear, I mean someone was in my home (my son was with his dad). I gathered courage in the next minute after truly identifying the noise as a chair was moved too, and ran down the stairs with a knife in my hands. I kicked in every door as to come down with big noise but .. there was nobody there. Nobody. I remember my prayer and the birds in the night so I welcomed the guest. Before going to the rally, I kissed my cat goodbye and said, I hope to see you in good health later on, but opening the bible for one last prayer and it was written I would. On the rally itself a copper asked me something, about being on my own or such. I smiled. He of course could not know I never travel alone.

Your Gut Instinct; The Holy Spirit?

1996 ~ Justifiable rage (forgot which year exactly, think it was '96).

I was asked by X to join her at least once at her church service. I did. But when I came inside the building I felt I was getting angry. When the service began, I felt as if I was on fire and when the women started singing it felt as if demons were attacking my ears. I cursed and ran out of the church as I excused myself to X while crying as X came after me. I was so ashamed that I could not control my behaviour at times. Later we found out the church was rated number 1 on the list of dangerous cults.

Memorable Strangers

Tibetan monk in 2005. Called me in the crowded city with an astonished look on his face, pointing 'you are very lucky'. I know I replied and went my way. He just caught me in a conversation with..

2016 second time, again a Tibetan monk. Of course not the same one. So weird. How can people have a conversation with each other without speaking. The understanding, calmness and serenity. How can we from different faith systems connect so perfectly.

2006. I was in grief and walked into the library. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

2003 or so, a homeless man. I just had taken away my son to daycare and headed off to work. Single mum, little money, so once again broke. I had 1 slice of bread in my briefcase. No topping. As I was walking towards the metro station I heard a homeless man whispering asking for food as he stood next to a wall completely trying to bother no one. He did not want to disturb anyone at all, and his voice so soft. I said I am so sorry, I do not have money. But all he wanted was food, he was hungry. He literaly asked for a piece of bread. Lord and behold, what are the chances?? I only had 1 slice, but I was counting on money to be deposited that day and if not, well, I could live on coffee at work. I appologized for the bread having no topping, but he said it was ok because the mcdonald nearby would be open soon and he would put sugar on it. Till this very day I am glad I passed by. I had exactly what he wanted. And I was the one who noticed his humbleness.

1999 (I think it was) homeless man. I met a lot of homeless people in my life, trust me, not all are angels or just humble people. There are humans who just strayed on their way of life, like a musician that played Metallica on his guitar on my request after giving him bucks. Or one that I met a few times in my life, and very strangely each time when I was heading to a job interview, just a real bum but an entertaining one who made a real job out of begging. The very first time we met he was obsessed with the tattoo in my neck. What does it mean he said? I said I was part of a clan that all have this tattoo and that we burn homeless people in the night. LOL. Anyway, I was asked out by a man who that week stopped on the middle of the road in his sporty car and gave me his card, asking me if I wanted to be in his magazine and join car shows like those girls that walk around serving as eye candy. I was a young mum and our family was still one so I (yes it was legit, I visited his business, he was a car designer) declined, but since he was a busy man with never time off I asked him to join me and a friend on a night out, which we would meet later. He started to tell me how much money he had gambled away with his mother prior meeting me that evening. A homeless man then approached us. His hands open, he wanted to ask something. The car designer ignored him. But I wanted to hear what the homeless man had to ask. He said he only wanted to change the little many coins he had in his hand, lets say 100 cents, into 1 gulden as he needed to make a call or so but nobody wanted to accept the little coins. Keep the coins I said, and I gave him 5 gulden. The car designer then stepped up and said, then I will give you 10. The homeless man, as if he was dressed like a swamp thing, a black old man, fell to the ground after he looked at the money in his hands. On this cold, cold night, in the snow, the ground frozen, hard cold bricks, he let himself fall on his knees in the old trousers, started to cry and lifted his arms thanking God. I was so glad God let me pass thru his path at that time. In my heart, these are my treasures. This is my gold. Memories, of moments that touched my heart to the very core.

A Few Examples of Answered Prayers

God has humor

Example one. I prayed all week every evening for something else (for others). And all prayers were answered. When Sunday arrived I thought of how all prayers were answered like a wishing well and started to think, oh what do I want now? I opened the book, a habit in which I randomly open the book and point my finger to a sentence, and then look. There was written.. it's now time to say THANKS.

Example two. All prayers get answered - well, not all but these get resolved differently. Anyway, I asked God, look, I don't ask for much. I only want a Ducati. I could see myself driving a black devil in the night, dressed in black leather for the cold, black snake boots (wasn't vegan back then) because it seemed fitting, a whip, a karambit and a kali stick with me to visit pedophiles and bring a can of whoopass. His answer was; you won't get the money because you will spend it on things you don't need. WELL YEAH I don't need it but Jesus.. anyway, so no Ducati for me.

Stories I Cannot Share

1994 - foretell dream that saved my life, you'd not understand
1998 - the car accident, you'd not understand

From beauty to beast from beast to beauty

I remember always thinking up games so I could help my mother and play. I would play garbage man, so with a toy truck I would clean the house and play at the same time. I walked my friend home eventhough it was dark and I knew I would get into trouble for it, because I knew God would have my back. I defended little children in the daycare if they were treated unjustly, eventhough I knew it would make me end up at the principals room. I read to them, as I also did to my siblings and son every single night.

When we moved to the Netherlands I was about 8-9 years old. It was Christmas and as I was driving on my bicycle to school, where the tree and a class full of candles and joy was awaiting, I noticed this elderly home. Not a single window had any lights. I saw old people, alone, sad. So with a classmate we drew cards with christmas greetings and rang on each doorbell of that home. Imagine this: two kids, with a handmade card, wishing you a Merry Christmas. Many who opened the door did not even had a christmas card, as I quickly glanced inside. There were maybe 1 or 2 suspicious of us doing that, but the majority was over the moon so happy. And one even chased us as she insisted to give us money for it. We declined and she started to run after us. We stopped running as I was afraid she might fall so we took the 2.50 gulden and bought candy later on. Harassed by pedophiles one time too many around my 13-14th birthday the innocence faded. If there was something unjust, I was willing to help, and only asked travel expenses. When one pedophile in particular made me stop as I was on my bike and he in his car, I thought he wanted to ask the directions and I was so appalled by his vulgarity that from that moment on, I carried a knife and was determined to step into the car next time and cut his pedo-balls into the smallest pieces imaginable. But that moment, never came again. The pedophile had escaped his fate, and so did a journalist (no real one, just a piece of trash working for a trash site) years later. By sheer coincidence this wicked man stumbled up in a crowd nearby. I waited for him to open door number 1. But he decided to walk thru door number 2, never knowing what he had avoided that day.

Do you want me to talk about the day me and a comrade confidently headed up to a lion's den, only the two of us vs expected 50 opponents? Well, we both had a substance with us which is not illegal if you carry it alone. Mixing the two together would create, ..... their problem. In the beginning it sounded like music to my ears when I heard an opponent say 'ACAB'. But the word of a coward is worth nothing, you think you have free game but the first thing they do is run to the ones they supposedly detest so much.
Then I think about the diamond/art thief who I joined twice, not as thief but as observant due to my curious nature. Or the time me and another comrade started arguing about who would strip down the victim of a what I now see as a prank/warning gone too far because neither one of us wanted to see his naked butt. The intention was to kick him out naked at the border and let him walk home. But the person sensed something was up and jumped out of the driving car.

What is the point of sharing the above?
Maybe just for amusement, I don't know.
Maybe because assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
Maybe because it's sickening that evil people have their mind set bullying harrassing and abusing those they consider weak and easy to control. Children. Animals. Women.

7 Day fasting

2019 - On the 7th day I created this video just to show my physical condition. When fasting, don't be like pagans who only postpone glutton for a small period. I ate nothing and only drank coffee tea and water. On the 7th day there was written the advice to take, and this I took with me. The advice was not taken but sela, man has the free will and that is the gift God will never take away. Fasting makes a prayer stronger. 

Angel Encounter

I think it was 2005. Me and a non-Christian friend were collecting signatures for a cause. We stood in front of the library. At some point an old man came out of the the library and I asked if he could sign the paper. He wanted to, but soon saw the signature would be useless without an address; he turned out to be homeless. He came from Greece and his mandolin was stolen in the homeless shelter. All he had left was the jacket in his hands. He did not want to eat. He declined to take money (I offered half I had, which was 5€, could not offer all as I had a kid at home, same reason why I could not offer to stay in my house), he only accepted a bit of water. He started to talk about the evolution of people, the rise of the cities, the demonic nature of human experimentation on animals and so on. My friend joined in the conversation and got swept away as I was, as if a vision was shown before our eyes. The Greek's face seemed to change, his grey hairs seem to turn silver.
There was something extraordinary about him. A moment of distraction, someone wanted to place their signature. He walked away so I called after him, is there anything I can do for you? He smiled, held his hands in the air and said "God is Great". When I came home, I prayed for him and opened the bible, and there was written "God is Great". Does anybody know how often this exact words are written like that in the bible? Like maybe once?? Even my non-Christian friend is convinced to this very day that this was no random man but an angel in disguise.

Heb 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

UFO

Least interesting to me but adding them here in name of documenting all rarities.

First of all; UFO means nothing else than an object not identified. If your brain sees one and you decide it's not an airplane, a drone, a bird or whatever, than it's simply an object that has not been identified.

I have seen unidentified objects a few times in my life.

1) Once when I was a young teenager looking at the stars on the garden swing alone. Two passed flew over my head without any noise and disappeared in sight, vanished.

2) Saw one (at age 30) in the middle of the (Rotterdam) city hovering above a very busy traffic intersection in the morning. I was surprised nobody else noticed. I did not want to take my camera because I was afraid it would be gone quickly so instead I kept watching it. Fascinating.

3) In 2019. I was in bed, it's 2-3 in the night. I just went to bed and it is next to the window so I can watch the moon and stars. I saw a UFO flying and then dissapeared into a cloud.

It gave me a very uncomfortable feeling so I immediately turned off the light. Then I noticed my room was the only one that had a light on, all those houses, flats, not a single light anywhere. So I was the only one awake. To my horror. I wondered if I was noticed. Then suddenly my bedroom window made a big sound as if a huge pressure was applied to the 4 corners of the window, it was the sound of a blast. Pretty scary actually.

4) Also in 2019. I was sitting first row in the airplane on my way home from Split to Rotterdam after visiting my father, who was ill. The weather was bad, rain, thunder, the lightening was kissing the airplane. Seat belts had to be on the entire flight and the flight attendents seemed to be worried. When I saw the lightening playing with the clouds I asked myself if I was ready to die. I decided quickly I was, my son is grown up and has a girl, all I care about have a partner by their side and my father in good hands. Only my cat would need care but my mum or son would surely take care of my child as if it was theirs. So yes, I was ready. Then I looked out of the window and saw big lights, like gigantic headlights in formation, standing still. I have no idea why I dismissed it, but my brain actually decided 'oh, those must be from the airport' and took a nap.

When my soul leaves this realm and there actually is a poor sucker left who wants to visit my grave, don't stand there for too long. I ain't there. Dancing is allowed. Marzipan cake a must.