Decided to remove my personal website dating from 2008 and added it here. Things so I won't forget. And to honor God (testimonies). 

Welcome to my world

Nothing is as it seems. The most hideous looking bum I ever seen (in 2001) was also the most humble man I had ever seen with a big faith. A priest (in 2019) seemingly friendly was a lusty whore in disguise full of lies. The bum was ignored by all people and the priest is popular, you see this constantly. That is why the most favorite costume of angels is that of a bum. Same thing with males with an orange robe on that live or are from India. As if when putting on an orange robe you're all of a sudden some holy person and you gotta be quoted.

Angel after Prayer 

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. Years after a picture was made of the room. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown. 

As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear".

Can't find the original pic anymore. My son made the picture. I disliked my shorts and only had 'paint skills' back then.

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge; 

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

There are 60 minutes in one hour, a day contains 24 hours. So 24 times 60 is a total of 1440 minutes a day!  One minute has 60 seconds, one hour has 60 minutes and one day has 24 hours. Thus, 80 x 60 x 24 = 86,400 seconds in a day. If you can't even give God 1 minute or even a second of 'your' time a day to give thanks, don't expect anything in return either.

Butterflies of Hope 

September 2013 - butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

Prayer on top of mountain

Picture taken in 2016. My favorite spot 6 o'clock in the morning to pray on the top of the moutain behind the home I grew up in. Mountain top is reachable after 2 hours climbing. In 2018 I went with my son there to pray, and like in a fairy tale, the fields were covered with hundreds of butterflies around us.

Since 2016 I have asked up there to harvest because this world sick as shit. I prayed for war.
Since 2020 the prayer has been consistent asking for God to come and see what they do to his children, while burning two scented candles that go up with the prayer; one for the children who suffer, and one for the warriors that battle for the little ones.

The Wounded Butterfly

2018 - This was a wounded butterfly at work which I took home to recover in my tiny garden surrounded by fruit, water, shelter.

The butterfly stayed for the night and flew away the next day.  

Always in Good Company 

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked at a medieval themed restaurant in 2014 to share her sandwich.

Nobody Listening Anyway

'Coincidence'. Yes the doorbell rang. No, nobody was there if you paid attention.
Yes you can hear the wind chime, but if you pay attention you'd see there is no wind.
Yes I am aware of the lights in the home. No there is nothing wrong with your eyesight.
And those who initially did recognize the Lords work, would later on forget it. Like the turds in the desert did (no wonder Moses got fucking angry). You turn your back and they forget. But when they need you (God) suddenly they remember again and pray!! I show someone the power of prayer and they go off inspired and buy ghost hunting shit and start looking up demons. WTF. When you very carefuly show something, they get freaked out. 'It's creepy, it's scary'. The angels in their true form are not fluffy angels. They did not present themselves as 'don't be afraid' for no reason. I understand why some cannot have faith or have trouble believing. I also know why some things are as they are. But I cannot explain to people. Because they do not really care to know. If you really want to understand God, read 2 Esdras 4. What if I had asked you how many dwelling places there are at the bottom of the sea? How many rivers flow into the waters beneath the earth? How many rivers are there above the dome of the sky? Where are the exits from the world of the dead? Where are the entrances to Paradise?

The Son of God was hanged because nobody liked to hear his message.
The meat eater does not want to know his snack begged for their lives.
The whore who is after your body only, does not want to hear its superficial.
Jesus was like a mirror, and that's why people hated him. He did not want you to feel good, he wanted you to DO GOOD.
He was no 'social media motivator', 'influencer', 'a guru who asks you to seek your inner light'. Jesus was outspoken, Jesus was truth. Jesus at this very day and age, would be ignored or ridiculed. The only reason why he would not be hanged is because the people have such a big ego, that they would not even bother to listen even if He did spoke.

Never Alone

2012 ~ (visible) company after request prayer

Calling upon spirits is babylonian bullshit and invites assholes. But with faith as a mustard seed you can move mountains.

Ezekiel 1:26 And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance.

Company while in Prayer 

2009 ~ requested company after prayer (I was 'depressed') in Wallonia. 

I went for this walk (see also pic underneath this text) and asked God or his angels to accompany me. Depression fell upon me hard as I was confronted with earthly things (not because I wanted it, but because I saw it was admired by those I loved); someone who had everything, many friends, money and property, overall success. And I, getting older, still had 'nothing' of these worldly pursuits. He asked me 1 question only. He said, would you trade everything the person has for what you have?

I immediately said no and understood. Because these things were all worldly, and none had faith. So quickly the depression was gone and I started to enjoy the walk. As I was walking and talking I found this little church and felt the need to go inside. Inside, I felt the need to sit down but I was afraid I would break the chair so didn't. When I came home, only then I noticed that where my feelings were the strongest in that conversation, the lights are shown on the pics. 

Governments, Industries and Media; Satans Tools

Dobri Dobrev did not watch tv: "I do not accept those things from the devil" Dobri is a saint I wanted to meet when he was alive, or even watch him from a distance. I was declined by his superficial family member because unlike Dobri, she believed media lies. Dobri is someone I look up to and might end up like. 

I hardly watch television (only National G. or so when I need background noise so I don't hear the pagan demon summoning neighbour) and when I turn the telly on, you're immediatelly being lied to while looking up even a channel. Such as an advertisement on television about dairy in the Netherlands in 2020. The government and industry that earn from it misleads people from birth. The dairy industry is worldwide the same. It is not like the past, where a small village was able to drink from cows and the calves were kept alive and with their mothers. Humans are with so many, that the animals do not even have living space outside anymore. 

I grew up eating eggs from chickens that had lots of living space and a completely free life. I did not know about this satanic form of farming that has taken over the world. 

I am an eternal student, so I keep developing myself. The corona outbreak thought me a lot about zoononses where others decide to stay the same shallow pricks as they were before. 

Do not trust industries that earn from animals and certainly do not trust the govenments or media without research.  

Another example of deception: "Poland wants out of the European treaty that combats violence against women" in the Dutch media:

The Istanbul Convention is a misleading treaty that pretends to protect women: with the treaty migrants will not be allowed to send back, paedophilia would be legalized and God denied by pushing the gender ideology. The state will decide how YOU raise your children instead. An Orwellian nightmare. Istanbul Convention Article 3 - Definitions f .: "Women" includes girls under the age of 18...

Animal Cruelty Free Please

I never was a big meat eater so the fact that I stopped eating meat didn't change much, when I found out animal cruelty is not happening in some cases, but ALL THE TIME. 
I stopped drinking milk in 2020 before corona outbreak when I learned/realized about the dairy industry. Stopped eating candy. For Frederiq to show up out of the blue at the exact same moment I was sad about chicken farms I consider a sign once again.

Day 1. Felt so sad when I saw this picture. I would have taken the child home for sure. At the same moment dad called me  "you've got a visitor"

Day 2. He is so humble and quiet that I am wondering is he is a rooster or a chicken. I named him Frederiq. 

Still day 1. The visitor, a little rooster came by seeking shelter from the rain. 

Day 3. Frederiq follows me around, I am prepared to take him home. He is tame and sits on my lap, closes his eye when I pet and kiss him. 

On the verge of taking him home with me, I took Frederiq to other chickens/roosters nearby just to try and see if he'd mingle. When I was there, he slowely jumped off my lap, looked around, then crows 3 times after only 'mumbling' for 3 days. He morphed back into a confident rooster. Then he stood on his toes, looked into my eyes so thoroughly, as if he wanted to remember me forever, and went on his way. Eyes really are mirrors of the soul. (Feb 2020) 

We can all do something.....

Got this printed and placed it at my window for all to see

When you brought up your child without knowledge of factory farming and he adores meat, and decides to 'give it a shot', making me proud once again

Got stickers printed which I add with orders

All Lives Matter

March 2020, a bumblebee on the street. I picked him up, still moving a bit. Took him home, gave water and all but he didn't make it. Never ever in my lifetime an animal of that size looked at me like this one did. Following my eyes, my movements with his head turning left and right. He wanted to live. He grabbed onto my finger but his upperbody could not move. I talked to him and prayed and he breathed. I started to do other things in the house and when I checked again he did not breathe anymore. Tiny child, see we all want to live. And be loved.

Your own choice

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice. 

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

I have said for years now that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, even to suitors  I do so not trying to emasculate a man; I do so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren. 

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

2017 was the year in which I decided to join the Foreign Legion myself so (5 yrs) I would be able to help my soldier son when needed. Alas women could not apply at all. (pic taken in Dalmatia in 2017). 

I'd love to meet my soulmate one day. He will put on his boots and walk thru hell with me. 

Unshakeable Faith

Why would I doubt the One in any way who always was since young age and is still around to catch me when I fall. 

Since 2015 I noticed there seems to be a new light present, as it is the first one that carries a very visible rainbow colored radiance around it.
Ezekiel 1:28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.

2019 Short video during prayer, was checking if my effort was appreciated since I was so tired - 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Pictures are all made with different camera's (digital or smartphone) during the years, day, night with or without flash.Different locations. Countries. But mostly at home.

God is a righteous judge.

March 2020 - My son baffled me this weekend. He gave me some facts about a subject and as it turned out, he thought I had done something questionable. Well not questionable but simply dead wrong. I said no son, I did not and if you had done such, we would have a problem. If you doubt, always ask me. If I was wrong, correct me. If I would do something which is not righteous, I would lose the hotline with dad. Then I started to think.. I too.. have a doubt. And did not ask dad straight up. So I did.. see dad.. I was looking into cattle and what bothers me is that Lot offered his two virgin daughters.
>Yes, LOT DID. I didn't, Lot did. What did I say to Abraham when he asked me about sparing the life of the righteous people in Sodom?
You said if there are 40, I will not destroy it.
> If there are 30, I will not destroy it. If there are 10, I will not destroy it.

God's patience with sinning people explained

22 March 2020 - I wondered why God is so patient with bad people. Then I dreamed this. A shepherd walked through the fields with his sheep. This allowed them to graze where they wanted and he watched them. Then he saw a field of hungry wolves further on. The sheep in his vicinity were safe, so he did not have to worry about them. The sheperd called the sheep that stood at a distance and had separated themselves from the rest. Some were hit because they didn't want to turn around until they were on the safe side. The wolves would tear apart the sheep alive. He loved his sheep and he did not want that fate for them, even though they were stupid and stubborn. Then there were sheep so stubborn and selfish that the shepherd had to run after them. After tripping a few times, under the scratches, tired of shouting and running, and now far from his safe flock, the shepherd let's them go, shaking his head. They were torn apart by the wolves.

Human traditions still worth more than Gods word to bellies

30 March 2020 One short word for the traditionalists. Who care more for human traditions than Gods word. Boasting sitting in church on Sundays with fat bellies. I was not the first who noticed the same behaviour. St. Paul did so too. Who is it, that calls someone else 'Father'. Who baptize babies with water when Jesus or John touched not even one like that. Who is it who pray to the one not even a single sentence was devoted to by God or Jesus with request to pray to her? It is these who find it strange I care not much for birthdays (I tend to forget the year and age with people), because I am grateful for every day. Even in that, the bible stands on my side; 
There are only three birthday parties described in the entire Bible. Absolute disaster occurred on each occasion! If God felt birthday celebrations were something positive and good, why wouldn't He have recorded one other account where something either good or positive happened? Yet, there is no such account. 

Wasp friendship 

My love for wasps started in 2015. A wasp came by every single day for at least 2 weeks a work. I found out quickly due to his behaviour that they recognize you by your scent as they come close and sniff you, and that they tell their mates/brothers? about you who will greet you too. 
My colleague said it was not the same wasp that returned each day. I said he was. Then the wasp stopped coming. After a few days I looked outside the window, only to notice someone had squashed my friend when they had closed it. 

Tommy the Cat & the Rat

One day I got home and saw a cat attacking a rat. I ended the fight, saved the rat and gave the cat treats.
The poor thing's ear was damaged, but after getting bread he quickly restored in spirit. I ended up going home on one boot because the other made him a fine home. Now Tommy turned out to be a neighbourhood cat. He would since that day, wait for me every day for treats.

Open line of communication


God is a a living God. Just because you don't see Him doesn't mean He ain't there. The blind man doesn't have to see the sun to feel it's there. He is not somewhere in the distance. Miracles aren't something that only happened in the past. He is here still, he is now, he is alive. I call him dad, and he keeps sending me friends so I'm never alone. If any it's always crowded, or with animals or with what I reckon are angels. You must be open to the communication forms. You communicate with everybody differently. Everybody has a guardian angel(s), everybody can talk to God/Father, it's nothing special really. To see it as something strange is as strange as to me is this: the animal friend that does not kill that is seen as an extremist because he is against killing. I wrote a love poem in 2019 to praise dad, and by God when I stood up I got a bit startled as a white figure of light had been reading over my shoulder. 

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

.

Golden Gift

Split City of Saints

1980 Nun school in Croatia. Pic right is Grgur Ninski, who took a stand against the church as he wanted the people to be able to read the bible in their own language.

It would have been easy for me to follow the Croatian tradition of praying to saints and Mary. But neither God, Jesus or Mary herself asked us to pray to Mary.

animal friendly fishing hahaha

Gift from God

1997 Birth of my son. When I was young I knew I would give birth to a boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Hence in his birthcard I had added the text 'predestined, so he came'. Long before it was official the baby would be a boy, I had enlisted him at a daycare center (you had to reserve a place beforehand) with his full name. I cried when I heard I was pregnant, from the hospital to the way home, and fell on my knees at home thanking God for this wonderful gift.

He has 3 first names, one of them means bear, another one means lion (French pronouncing) (+ of course one traditional Christian name). I read the bible to him every evening, took him to the librairy every wednesday for 2 hours where we read books before taking him to martial arts class.

Growing up as child

Grew up by the sea, under the sun.
A few favorite memories of mine:
* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience

(step)dad entertaining my son when he was small.
I always say I have 3 dads. My biological, my step-, and my Father in Heavens.

mum with friends
Fun fact: mum (who instilled the love for reading) when she was a small kid loved to read, so because she would just turn up in a bookstore constantly she was asked to do little choirs for which she would receive a card she could pick out. Now as for me: I would at some point skip school and spent time in the librairy instead which I found far more interesting. Reading mostly biographies and history books. 

Mum looked like an angel

dad (who trained 15 years kyokushin karate) motivated me for martial arts

as a martial artist once said to me, women and men are biologically different, specialize in something but not in that which in you biologically have no advantage. unless you are a transgender...

Doll house mum made. Mum motivated me into reading books, crafing, baking, cooking etc

My Grandson - 2020

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for seven months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.

After Prayer his guardian was visibly present for 7 months. The picture above was taken right after the prayer.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel was visible day and night and did not leave his side

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, years after year.

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love.

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me.

Michaela - Gift from God

Michaela joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer.

This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers.

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha.

She is the first cat ever that always responds when I ask something. It has nothing to do with the tone of voice or eye contact. I can't explain. Maybe we are morphed into one, we see and hear and respond on same things at the same time.

Mika has a lot of Friends who like to play with her

Listening to the rain

Mika and Noa Piccolo the snail
Noa died in July 2020.

Don Poek had his own Facebook account. Now Mika's account

Bed & Breakfast Bird 

2018 A bird, of which an ornithologist whome I spoke to later that year declared an adult bird, came to my balcony on a hot summer day. I was watering plants in my miniature garden and then myself. The bird sat on a branch and I could tell he wanted too. So I invited him and he came. Had a bath, dinner, slept in a box on the balcony and left after breakfast in the morning. The bird didn't come back, but the next new guest was waiting under the balcony....

New Surprise Guest

I like it how they show up out of nowhere and call.
Same with a female duck, this is the 2nd year she stopped by

Bumblebee

2019 this little fella was exhausted. I was on my way to work when I saw him.

I had an injury so I didn't walk fast. To notice this little one fighting even harder to move the choice was obvious, I stumbled back home with the little one and placed him on my littl balcony/sanctuary.  

Noa Piccolo the Snail

- New Years Eve 2016 on the picture above, for me, Mika en Noa had her own fruit filled pineapple - 
After Mika's arrival I wanted to give her a friend to play with. So Noa Piccolo the snail came in the picture. Snails are extremely social animals like little dogs, who love to bathe. In Loving Memory 06/2016 - 07/2020. Here is Noa taking a bath

My buddy Max

Never met a rooster as social as Max. We were pals from the first second we saw each other. 
Like love at first sight. The wild cranky rooster was cuddly and sweet with me and I was crazy about him. 

The municipality had killed my friend Max the rooster "we sent them to a better place" they claimed (gassed). 

Max his daughter, it was cool seeing her growing up. She and her baby were killed as well, since I never saw them again. 

I don't forget any of my friends, no matter how small. They all walk around in my heart.

Little children of God

These two chickens came from a place where I worked, they were kept in the dark as entertainment for guests. But they would be locked up in the dark in a small cage during most of the days and nights. One of the two got sick and died (at the vet), and the black one came home with me. The chickens were not replaced. And will not be replaced. 

Staying with me at home for the night.

Her first steps outside with other chickens.

The Ocassional Balcony Snail Friends

While snailies always get water and food, after Noa's arrival Noa would get a balcony snail as guest as long as the guest wanted to stay.

The last guest was Clarabella, her house was broken so I patched it up.

2019. Received 3 angel figurines from 3 different people. One from a customer, one from a lady where I rented a room and one from a new neighbour.

A few of them I know at least 8 years by now, they always hang around on the same spot. Once a man followed me at least 3 miles with his car and came to stop to ask if these were my birds and if I had trained them to follow me. I explained they were all different birds from different trees and they all have their own territories. I recognize them by distinctive features (a broken leg, a certain bold spot or so) and they recognize me. 

It's not that I seek, they just happen to cross my path
To be honest I even carry bandages and handkerchiefs with me in the summer because I
 have seen children falling off their bikes. Was able to help twice by now.

The toad was surrounded by ten crows when I saw them. Gave the crows nuts and placed him where he could hide. Added him a crown for the picture because I like all things cute and he just ain't 

So many thirsty bees I have been seeing that I decided to sell little 'help the bees'bottles. Not for profit but for people to be aware of the little ones. If sold, money goes to charity.

Found a pigeon on my way home and took the bird home.  Injury unknown, died shortly after I came home. 

Found a child half paralyzed on my way home. Took her to the vet but while waiting for the animal ambulance she died. She was poisoned. The jackdaw bird can live up to 15 years. They are monogamous and stick together for a lifetime 

Angel Encounter

I think it was 2005. Me and a non-Christian friend were collecting signatures for a cause. We stood in front of the library. At some point an old man came out of the the library and I asked if he could sign the paper. He wanted to, but soon saw the signature would be useless without an address; he turned out to be homeless. He came from Greece and his mandolin was stolen in the homeless shelter. All he had left was the jacket in his hands. He did not want to eat. He declined to take money (I offered half I had, which was 5€, could not offer all as I had a kid at home, same reason why I could not offer to stay in my house), he only accepted a bit of water. He started to talk about the evolution of people, the rise of the cities, the demonic nature of human experimentation on animals and so on. My friend joined in the conversation and got swept away as I was, as if a vision was shown before our eyes. The Greek's face seemed to change, his grey hairs seem to turn silver.
There was something extraordinary about him. A moment of distraction, someone wanted to place their signature. He walked away so I called after him, is there anything I can do for you? He smiled, held his hands in the air and said "God is Great". When I came home, I prayed for him and opened the bible, and there was written "God is Great". Does anybody know how often this exact words are written like that in the bible? Like maybe once?? Even my non-Christian friend is convinced to this very day that this was no random man but an angel in disguise.

Heb 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Materialisation

Materialisation (1997 and 2005 of money): I've had money to the last cent deposited (the exact ammount needed, like a 326,74!) on my bank account which I asked for (not for me) twice. Two witnesses by the by (both times one), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept. 

1996: A woman from the maternity care came by each day after I gave birth. She was a lovely caring woman and I had noticed she was wearing a golden necklace, but without pendant. I found out she loved to have a child some day too, as well as what kinda flowers she loved, so we chatted quite a bit. One day while taking a walk thru the city with the little one my ex and I stood in front of a jewelry store and saw a beautiful small golden pendant of a pram. It was 70 guilders (not euro's back then). I knew this was meant to be for her. But I was fired because I was pregnant, and my ex's paycheck would not arrive for surely a week. We had little to spend. But I was sure God would want me to give this to the caring woman. So then the last week arrived that she would come by. We went to the city to check our bankaccounts every day, but no penny was deposited. Then the last day arrived, Friday, and I woke up my ex and said, we must go now, it is there, I am sure of it. Full of confidence I went to check my bankaccount, and there it was, 75 guilders. So we bought the golden pendant of 70, and spent the other 5 for flowers she loved (sunflowers). So we did not spent one cent for ourselves. Because this was Gods gift for her. When she opened the gift she cried, she was grateful. I am confident, that after having met us, her child wish was granted.
28-07-2020> we bumped into each other (20 years later)...  I told her I sometimes regret in life not telling people the story behind the gift, and told her about the prayer and money. She was deeply touched and told me that she had given birth to a boy, and has 3 kids now. I told two people about this encounter. They call it coincidence. My heart sank. 'Coincidence'. 'Just a dream'. 'Just a dust particle' . I decided not to share these stories anymore, only here. Because the responses are now on the verge of them committing the sin that will not be forgiven. Give Honor Where Honor Is Due (Proverbs 3:27). My heart sank not because they do not believe me. It is because it hurts me that they do not acknowledge Gods hand in it. His work. His grace. Not me. Him.
I asked God, prayed for the money for the gift, He came thru with the exact ammount. The gift came with a meaning, that God would give her a child. I am glad I had the opportunity to tell her about it.

On this same day and hour (28.07.2020) this email above reached me. Which warms my heart. A child to choose a creation of yours to honor God is beyond special. 

2005 was similar as to the 1997 situation; exact ammount of money needed was deposited. And again I was in a position of being broke, fired, unjust. Again I asked money not for me but for someone else. I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

What is similar to the two situations is that the money came from big companies. Companies that make a lot of money, and can do good but do not. Both denied having deposited the money, both said the money is not found in their administration.

In 2018 materialisation of a plate. My favorite beautiful tiny plate.. had it for years, already had cracks. All of a sudden I noticed TWO of them. One was brand new. I did not buy it, where did it come from. When getting used to having two of these plates... the old one had dissapeared!!! Materialism like with the money in 1997 and 2005. But on a whole other level. It reminds me of Don Poek and Michaela, the exchange. 

Oddities

3 Doors in the Clouds
2014 I've seen 3 doors in the clouds. Feeding the birds you are used to them flying above your head. I looked up and then my eye caught these 3 huge doors in the sky and I'm not talking about door shaped clouds.

Angels Play With The Cats
2014 I've seen my cat Poek being fed. By someone I could not see, as he started to eat something that was not there. In 2015 they play a lot with cat Michaela. In 2018 Michaela was speaking at least 2 nights with someone. In May 2020, I was in bed, just cuddled with M and being grateful for this kind little creature I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname

Time Is Illusion
I've seen someone fall in 2013, and in that time I could do things/walk around and actually think what I should be doing to help this man. In other words; I had TIME, as if time for me was slow and for the man was just 'normal'. We know there are many dimensions, but this to me is irrefutable proof that you can 'travel' thru time. Somehow. (bible: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years)

Meditation

A leaf of a green plant, sharp edges. My finger was cut because of the sharpness, the blood dripped from the leaf - small nice beautiful red drops of blood fell on the ground and then flew in the air. I focused on these drops that clinked together and then formed a red lotus - which opened. And then fell apart - and again the red blood balls - drops clinked together and a red lotus was formed and opened his leafs. Have been lookin at it for a while - and then it was gone. Lotus of blood

Memorable Strangers

Tibetan monk in 2005. Called me in the crowded city with an astonished look on his face, pointing 'you are very lucky'. I know I replied and went my way. He just caught me in a conversation with..

2016 second time, again a Tibetan monk. Of course not the same one. So weird. How can people have a conversation with each other without speaking. The understanding, calmness and serenity. How can we from different faith systems connect so perfectly. 

2006. I was in grief and walked into the library. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

Stories I Cannot Share

1994 - foretell dream that saved my life, you'd not understand
1998 - the car accident, you'd not understand

A Few Examples of Answered Prayers

God has humor

Example one. I prayed all week every evening for something else (for others). And all prayers were answered. When Sunday arrived I thought of how all prayers were answered like a wishing well and started to think, oh what do I want now? I opened the book, a habit in which I randomly open the book and point my finger to a sentence, and then look. There was written.. it's now time to say THANKS.

Example two. All prayers get answered - well, not all but these get resolved differently. Anyway, I asked God, look, I don't ask for much. I only want a Ducati. I could see myself driving a black devil in the night, dressed in black leather for the cold, black snake boots (wasn't vegan back then) because it seemed fitting, a whip, a karambit and a kali stick with me to visit pedophiles and bring a can of whoopass. His answer was; you won't get the money because you will spend it on things you don't need. WELL YEAH I don't need it but Jesus.. anyway, so no Ducati for me. 

God uses animals as signs

On two occasions God showed me what was going on via insects. Both signs occured after sinning.

On another occasion I prayed for God to send me an angel to a rally I would probably be outnumbered in. I trained all week with and without but I also prayed. And the night before, I asked the Father to send me a guard. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by doves. Then, silence. Then crows. Silence again. Then sparrows. Silence again, and that went on with all possible birds you can imagine in the city. And then... they all sang together! This of course was not normal, it was the call of the animals in which they announced the arrival. Early in the morning I was awoken by a noise in the kitchen. My first reaction was fear, I mean someone was in my home (my son was with his dad). I gathered courage in the next minute after truly identifying the noise as a chair was moved too, and ran down the stairs with a knife in my hands. I kicked in every door as to come down with big noise but .. there was nobody there. Nobody. I remember my prayer and the birds in the night so I welcomed the guest. Before going to the rally, I kissed my cat goodbye and said, I hope to see you in good health later on, but opening the bible for one last prayer and it was written I would. On the rally itself a copper asked me something, about being on my own or such. I smiled. He of course could not know I never travel alone.

Relationship With God

I sinned once deliberately. He warned me beforehand.
I was angry at God once. As reaction He showered me with love.

Your Gut Instinct; The Holy Spirit?

1996 ~ Justifiable rage (forgot which year exactly, think it was '96).

I was asked by X to join her at least once at her church service. I did. But when I came inside the building I felt I was getting angry. When the service began, I felt as if I was on fire and when the women started singing it felt as if demons were attacking my ears. I cursed and ran out of the church as I excused myself to X while crying as X came after me. I was so ashamed that I could not control my behaviour at times. Later we found out the church was rated number 1 on the list of dangerous cults.

Most memorable dreams 

as child always dreams about wars between angels, in young adult life many small foretell dreams and as adult mostly symbolic dreams as answers to prayers/questions

Dream in 2005 ~ of Jesus on the Cross

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw a man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering - not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight. It was so beautiful I never forgot about it.

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

Foretell dream in 2006

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on - thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed - he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it's not only feathers that make fine birds.

Sharks

I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up. One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.

1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings - friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it - even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this - white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it's good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand - but then I woke up.


Aztlan

In 2005 I had a dream where i was standing on a mountain. The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around - and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing. Like children, sweet playful and just kind. I wrote a poem about it calling them the children of the rainbow and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year thinking about him I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind. It was him who pointed out the spirits on my pictures. I had never noticed them before. A decade later a picture was taken of me while sleeping, and 3 (green, blue and white) spirits are hovering over my head, isn't that fascinating?

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.
Another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don't look up or think about the fact that it's weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

My hometown

Butterfly sitting on dad. Right: sign found in the mountains asking to leave only your footprints behind in nature

2019. Who ever knew the devil would even take away from me my own room where an angel hugged me (which nobody thought was interesting while sitting in church on Sundays). My poor dad, his biggest fear - not growing old in his own house, became reality.  The holy spirit reminded me of Jesus's words

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

My Poetry

The Ancient Call

Prone to extremes am I
Satisfied with only the best
The best healer, the best combatant, the best poet
The best of the best with no place for the rest.
I am a lover, but it's not love that bonds me
I am a fighter, I strive for devotion and loyalty
For the sword must be molded in fire and thunder
in trials and tribulations, a pure and ultimate force
I call upon the four elements and stand before the four winds
a natural intoxication of knowledge and energy unified
I like Gods legion to be amused as well when the kingdoms fall
When we wash our feet in the blood of the wicked
I want them to attack in fury, merciless and full of wit
before the ancient winds will whisper in their ears
"Come back holding your shield or being carried upon it!" 

Lullaby

Aimlessly wondering - bathing in disgrace
Sold their souls to pleasure, no dignity remained.
The flock, the sheep, awaiting to get devoured
the helpless ignorant mass - living their final hours,
Their weights crushed by responsibility ignored
For in last days of judgment - they all shall taste the sword.

Nameless poem, written in 2019:

like a lioness in a cage
self-imposed,
the wall so tall
a little bite
a little blood
a little lick
a little bit to satisfy the thirst
alas one drop will release the beast
it's a pigeon anyway

Nameless poem, written in 2020

the days bring no peace
the nights bring no sleep
deprived of sleep and peace
months on a row
I continue to train my fingers for battle
time and patience have became my grooms 

Finis erit, prima Fuit

The devoted love of Penelope awaiting Oddyseus
Samsons love for Delilah
Real love knows no limits, no boundries,
Its unconditional. Its Divine.
It waits and gives. Hopes.
Remains in faith against all odds.
When one loves with a pure love that succeeds petty emotions, the love looses its impatience,
selfishness and expectations.

Changing Seasons

Years are passing by
wrinkles are forming around the eyes
black cat's whiskers turning white
sending prayers by candlelight
There is no cure for the occassional loneliness
and as long as I remember,
no remedy for December.

When you are close but still too far,
It does not matter where, but who you are.

Arrow

They don't talk to you but about you
good or right, does not matter
Lonesome my Father must be
when they speak of him in sheer vanity
Only in their darkest moments
they remember his name.

The Case of Discipline

Oh but we have needs they say
We all have basic human desires.
Don't be a spineless chunk
and wisely use the powerful svadhisthana chakra.
Don't be like sleezy douchebags
jumping in each others bed,
work out instead!

Black Consumption

Satan was thrown out of Heaven because of his pride
Many are jailed because they were blinded by pride
Justifiable pride comes not out of love for thyself but for others
Like a mothers pride when her child learns well
So there are two different sources where pride comes out off
Be aware of which one you have
- the wrong one consumes you,
And will throw you out of Heaven too

Red Rose (sent to a soldier once)

Oh ye brave men, scattered around the globe
How I crave for this delight
The moment in which we all walk together
To enter the final fight.
I can hear all their hearts beating,
as loud as thunder.
Thus, courageous soldier
Let not alone my letters follow you,
wherever thoust might be,
For see the warmth of the sun as my extended arms,
when the sunbeam shines upon thee.
For as God shaped man in His likeness,
The blood debt shall be repaid
Tyranny, corruption, deceit and confusion
Cutting with a sharp blade the veil of disillusion
The ancient war - the time is now
The endless line drawn in the sand
Blood for Blood
- by the righteous hand.

Oorworm

Een slechte tegenstander is een aanval op je intellect.
Het toont van geen enkel respect
Hoe wil je een mens analyseren die zijn mentale condities beheersen kan
Die je beter kent dan jij jezelf.
Die weet dat hij altijd op het toneel staat,
omdat de wereld toekijkt of hij door het ijs zal zakken
Hoe wil je plannen smeden in het geniep
Als de ander ze in zijn dromen ziet.
Hoe wil je de ziel uit de mens halen.
Dat lukt je niet.

Damocles and Pandora meet Deus ex Machina

I have a curse that needs to be lifted
A therapist will blame it on childhood
A psychic will talk about bad karma and what I did wrong in a past life
A priest will tell me to pray and repent my sins
A drunk will tell me to raise a glass until I forget about it
Therefore chose your friends carefuly.
narrow minds, will give narrow opinions
Hateful minds, will give hateful speeches
None will lift you up, but drag you down in their sorrow
Now I say, this was just a moment of weakness,
for yes there is a curse
but just like with every great gift comes a lot of responsibility so I stick by Aristophanes's side..
just wait for the plot twist

Just a thought

Do not trust in man.
The heart of man is full of deceit,
He spends most of his money on himself
His words endless, his praise worthless,
his deeds few and shallow.
The apostles were mocked tortured and killed.
Yet man sits comfortably out of his chair and judges.
Like a Pharisee safe from his cave he points his sausage finger,
while animals suffer and children fall prey to pedophiles.
Soldiers taking their own lives dissapointed by man,
because they forget their service belongs to God.
On his empty shelf of deeds sits the cross he never picked up, collecting dust.
You will recognize them by their deeds. Words are cheap. 

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman....

15  - 20  - 25 degrees color nude shoes

You realize you have a shoe thing when you are looking thru pictures and notice you have a lot of shoe pics...

could not resist making this picture. I noticed the sign while I was waiting for someone in front of that closed shop