Decided to remove my personal website dating from 2008 and added it here.
Things so I won't forget. And to honor God (testimonies).

Be one less person harming animals: 👉👈  
🌱Leef rechtvaardig. Kies plantaardig🌱

Jesus said I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil. 

Protect the weak!

Above all, these are the children and the animals.
The Kingdom is theirs. You, you need to fight for a place in the Kingdom.
We will be judged. The angels will be judged. Not the children. Not the animals.

Isaiah 11:6-9 The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling[a] together; and a little child will lead them.The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the cobra's den, and the young child will put its hand into the viper's nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. In those days no one will be hurt or destroyed on my holy mountain. I, the LORD, have spoken!

The old latin text on my neck does not say I run away.
It says Come and taste my sword. 
which the knights said when they went into battle (against injustice)

(June 2019) - it's always gratitude that fills the heart when watching the birth of a new day.
I found God here when I was a kid. Or He found me, I only remember I have never been alone. 

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds. This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight.

Angel After Prayer

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white (as in light, all light) serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. 

I was alone and slept in 'my room' on the ground floor, everything was locked. I woke up to the rattling of the windows, as if someone wanted to go in or check the windows to see if they were closed properly. I felt anxious. But now I heard it on every window frame, and I started to think someone was trying to get inside. The heavy materials are at the door, where is the axe, what should I take to run towards and confront...I thought.

Then I heard someone walking down the hall, so it was inside. I thought that is my father, until I suddenly heard him cough on the 1st floor, which was also locked with a key. So he didn't sleep on the ground floor. Now I was really scared because it felt evil and I knew this energy. That energy is not from here. It was not a human I could confront so I prayed to God to send me an angel to help me.

The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this (±  2 meter) white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear". Years after my son made a picture of me in the room in the morning, before we went to the beach. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown. No flash was used, no light was on, no light from outside. 

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

Prayer on top of mountain

Picture taken in 2016. My favorite spot 6 o'clock in the morning to pray on the top of the moutain behind the home I grew up in. Mountain top is reachable after 2 hours climbing. In 2018 I went with my son there to pray, and like in a fairy tale, the fields were covered with hundreds of butterflies around us.

Since 2016 I have asked up there to harvest because this world sick as shit. I prayed for war.
Since 2020 the prayer has been consistent asking for God to come and see what they do to his children (animals), while burning two scented candles that go up with the prayer; one for the children who suffer (animals..), and one for the warriors (angels and activists) that battle for the little ones. 
2021> I'm content. It will only get worse. The planet is sick. No more compromise. You can't stop destiny. 

practicing left and right hand 

End Times Are Here 

Nehemiah 4:17-18 "....each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other. And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built.."

Luke 11:21 When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe.

God gave us more than 700.000 edible plants, yet Satan thought us we should ignore Thou shall not kill and pretend we cannot live without bloodshed and eating corpses

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Gods being is not even treated as a living creature but as garbage. Demons in human bodies laugh about it, while others look away, making them just as guilty.

'With the measure you use, it will be measured to you - and even more." - Jesus Christ.


Yes a vegan could die too because the pandemic is not an imaginary one. But, vegans are less likely to get severely ill from coronavirus, according to a new study.

The research - which took place across six countries (under 3,000 health professionals took part) - showed that those who had plant-based diets were 73% less likely to develop severe symptoms from COVID-19. The findings were published in The BMJ Nutrition, Prevention and Health. 

"Trust Your Doctors" ... sure

None of those pro-vaccine pushers are vegans. They command you with underchins, meat bellies and dairy tits. 
The Hippocratic Oath is an oath of ethics historically taken by physicians. Its principles are held sacred by doctors to this day: as an important step in becoming a doctor, medical students must take the Hippocratic Oath.

The "Father of Medicine" Hippocrates "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" did not eat meat! And yes, fish is meat too, it's not a plant. And no, plants do not feel pain. Plants lack brains, a central nervous system, and anything else that neuroscientists know to cause setience. 

How much of these by the pharmatical industry paid assholes today eat no meat?.. And I am pissed. They sort of promised that lots of people would die, yet everywhere I look I still see cockroaches. See, the media and gov can never be trusted.

Vaccins are tested on animals. I do not support cruelty and neither am I prepared to live as a hypocrite.

Almost 24 million test animals were killed in the EU in 2017. How many do you think were killed for covid vaccin?
Animal experiments can be eliminated without substitution, because human data have long been available, or because their results are completely irrelevant to human health. No less than 87.5% of biomedical research is inefficient and wasteful.

"Trust Your Government"... sure

Your own choice

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

I have said for years now that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, even to suitors I do so not trying to emasculate a man; I do so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren.

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

2017 was the year in which I decided to join the Foreign Legion myself so (5 yrs) I would be able to help my soldier son when needed. Alas women could not apply at all. (pic left taken in Dalmatia in 2017). Bless Mika, I thought she would live for many more years.

People have not the slightest clue I pray persistent every single day, day in day out. My celibacy means not having a desire for a horny prince, but to long deeply (non sexual) for the touch of God and the hug of an angel.  

1 John 4:2 Testing the Spirits

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. For many false prophets have gone out into the world. 

By this you will know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God

This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and which is already in the world at this time.... Jesus spent time with activists (apostles; teachers, DO-ERS). Jesus was not a selfish turd only looking out for his own family.

You did not see him hang around most of the times doing nothing.  He and his apostles did not chase jobs with the intent to make themselves richer solemnly for own wealth. Jesus and his apostles were not focussed on this life but on the next. 

Philippians 3:19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.

My buddy, the Holy Spirit, is always around me (took him to the beach that day)

May 30, 2021 ~People are concerned about paying rent/mortgage, their landlord or bank while they should be paying rent to the bos of bosses, the one that owns all. They care and talk only about money. entertainment. possessions. relationships. They breathe his air, walk on his soil and came out of his Creation and what does He get? The devil made people run around like a hamster on a running wheel going nowhere but hell. This life is short, and satan made them focus on this short life, making them blind for what will come after that. My profound grief is becoming bearable because I asked and am receiving the spirit of understanding.
"2 Corinthians 12:2-4 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven".

A very strange day with many incidents, people have lost their minds due to covid. I achieved what I have hoped to achieve with martial arts for many years today, 12-12-2020. 

Be like Shep. 

(when you visit a 2000 year old well only to find a hippie fest built around it. Chalice is for new age escapists what Medugorje is for roman catholics and Disneyland for children. - at Chalice Well Glastonbury in 2019)

I watch the sky, day and night...

day and night

I built my healthy looking body upon smoking a lot of shag, 24/7 coffee, daily morning ice cream (winter, summer, always) and loads of candy and cakes for 2 decades. Hardly meat so I was practically a vegetarian for 20 years at least before going vegan. All the bitches who return to meat eating ways crying they missed something need to learn how to cook. You go vegan because you love animals, and you do not want to harm the innocent.

Favorite martial art memories

1st lesson kyokushinkaikan karate(2008), the reply on my question what comes after white belt. "Red belt with white dots". I must confess that the one inch punch was the most impressive. My heart stopped and skipped a beat. Pencak silat cimande (2012), after finally having done a set with ease. Big smile above you: now 50 more. Ninjutsu(2021), why did I not attend class last time. I said, 31 degrees, ninja's need shadow. "Excuses. Ninja's ARE the shadow", accompanied with mean pinch. Hilarious.

pull up bar made by my uncle 

Selfie 2019. I was not wearing a hat and no dress but a tanktop with short trousers. Nobody stood behind me. Weird shadow huh, looks medieval. 

Welcome to my world

Angels are sent to watch over us Psalm 91:11, 2 Chronicles 16:9, Proverbs 15:3, Heb 12:1 

2019 Short video during prayer, was checking if my effort was appreciated since I was so tired - 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! Nothing is as it seems. The most hideous looking bum (homeless, not showered for ages) I ever seen (in 2001) was also the most humble man I had ever seen with a big faith. A priest ((svecenik) in 2019*) seemingly friendly was a lusty whore in disguise full of lies. The bum was ignored by all people and the priest is popular, you see this constantly. That is why the most favorite costume of angels is that of a bum.
*(a filthy blob named Tom(o) from Austria who kept harassing me. When we virtually met I spoke about faith, while he kept saying I needed a man and about his sexual dream, I later on learned he had even lied to his own family about the ordeal, once again focusing on my  relationship status rather in my faith. This whore I blocked on FB
 would make another account and started liking my stuff on FB again)

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked pt at a medieval themed restaurant in 2014 to share her sandwich. 

If people can't even acknowledge that creatures like animals they can see are living beings - you can even communicate with ants, size does not matter - then why would they communicate with living beings their eyes cannot see. 

Ministering Spirits

There are some strange notions regarding the Angels. One such notion is that when we die we become an angel and do good for others. It contradicts the Biblical understanding of the Angelic which informs us that we will "Judge the Angels."

The angelic has become very popular in recent years with the advent of the New Age (resurrection Sumeria) Movement. Its adherents often use Christian terminology such as "Guardian Angels" to describe consultation with the dead or evil spirits (<'ghosts'; demons).

The angels whom the Bible calls "Ministering Spirits" (Heb.1:14) have many varying different roles and functions to assist the Christians here on the earth. Not only do they minister to God before the Throne day and night but they also convey God's messages to His people. Some have specific roles and are created to perform specific tasks such as the Guardian Angels of countries, territories and individuals. We all have a guardian angel. From Jacob's ladder we know they descend up and down earth. That they listen to God. That you do not pray to angels and they surely won't listen either. If you pray to an angel and you get a reply, congratulations, you just summoned a demon. Angels are in service of God. Your phone line is the Holy Spirit. If you make that phone call to God, he dispatches an angel. Now take note; one angel alone, had the strength to remove the stone covering the tomb of Christ. One angel alone, slew in one evening 185000 Assyrians. Now that's a perfect companion if you ask me. A perfect witness as well. 

19-02-2021 It's just the two of us now

Magical July 2021

He pretends to be a star but he isn't. He can go up and in and out. 

Jeremiah 8:7 Yea, the stork in the heaven knoweth her appointed times; and the turtledove and the crane and the swallow observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the judgment of the Lord

26-07-2021 at 02.00 in the night

I'm happy, I have been waiting 40 years. Ogen gericht naar boven.


No oil lamp but soy candle that burns in the night on my balcony (Exodus 27:20, Lev 24:1-4) "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour." (Matthew 25:1-13)
Candles burn the whole night and evening, each candle represents a prayer for a cause or someone. Of course included the main candle, the gratitude to God. 

Lovely August 2021

in love with my own hairdo 

slowely but surely coming back  21.08.2021

vegan homemade pastry breakfast

19-08 John 14-16 Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to be with us permanently as our Helper (assistent, comforter, standby). I am grateful.

Cats hear better than humans, butterflies have better eyesight than humans, doves/pigeons are incredibly loyal, more than most humans. I cannot ask for beter friends.  

Gods children are kind to me.  

my one eyed buddy 

Rev 4:3 "And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne."

John explains the vision and tells us that the Spirit of God appeared with the likeness of precious jewels. He also indicates that an emerald rainbow circled God's throne. An emerald is green and symbolizes life. The rainbow first appeared to Noah after the Flood as a token of God's promise. The emerald rainbow around God's throne likely indicates that His promise of eternal life is guaranteed


My top 5 fav books

Sun Tzu Art of War (see also page 103 of book Strategic Weapons of our Warfare by Elsie Clark), BoF Rings Miyamoto Musashi, Wen Tzu Lao Tzu, Bible and Hagakure. Tsunetomo says don't be a bitch, you live you live, you die you die. Bible says don't be a coward, have no fear. So says Musashi. Every day is good. Be vigilant always. And be aware. Apathy is just as much a sin (in your ear whispering demon) as cowardice sloth greed defeatism etc. 

The greatest among you shall be your servant, said Jesus. 

And just like Jesus or a Musashi, you accept death.

Meekness is not weakness 

Two are stronger than one, but do not forget that the devil attacks when you are alone.
And you know what, you will not be betrayed by an outsider but by someone standing next to you. 
Fact: if you actively stand up for good you will be attacked regularly physically, spiritually and mentally : TAKE PRIDE IN PERSECUTION

2 Cor 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. Matthew 10:38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Take up your cross!

Mockery - Luke 23:11
Poverty and tribulation -Revelation 2:9
Imprisonment - Mark 6:17, Daniel 6:1-28
Torture - Isaiah 50:6, Acts 14:19
Death - Genesis 4:8
Threats - Acts 4:21, 4:29
Exile - Revelations 1:9
Persecution - 2 Timothy 3:12

If you serve the Lord, you become a target of Satan's envy. Satan will put you into endless and severe testing. Satan's attacks will never cease because you are shaking the foundations of hell.

Fun fact: the - samurai like - scorpio surrounded by fire will sting itself to death to avoid a painful demise in the flames. 

On one occasion, during the reign of King David, when the Angel of the Lord is about to destroy Jerusalem, God has to tell it to put his sword away. And when Jesus was arrested on the night before the crucifixion, one of the disciples grabbed a sword and sliced off the ear of one of the perpetrators. Jesus told him to put away the sword.

Angels were involved in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen 19:1, 12-13) and God used angels in bringing the plagues on Egypt (Psalm 78:43, 49). I like the angels, just as I like saint warriors. God blessed a skilled army, Judges 20:15-17 'all these were men of war', and Christ is a bad ass warrior. 

I had a friend once. Who went to war and had such injuries that he had pain every day. To whom sleeping was not a place of peace but of flashbacks. His body eventually gave up due to the effects of the war and the soul went to heaven. Then I have a friend with the voice of an angel that would never be able to kill an innocent animal (and now also does not eat animals). But killed humans - close combat, because there was no other option. Another veteran, a war angel. High standards in morals, a faith that cannot be shaken. Men of glory, the old school noble men. It is them, and like them, and ancestors who bled for us, who I remember and honor when a turd stands in front of me that does not believe in his Creator but will ridicule those who believe in something more than fucking around, consumin and 'enjoying life' when others suffer. Such creature spilt no blood, defended no soul. Lives without any honor. Sleeps peacefully in his bed. Like the demon worshippers who only enter an area to eat everything bare like grasshoppers and multiply like cockroaches. Therefore, out of respect, appreciation and love, I will never lower my standards. I always keep in mind the warriors of the past, of the present, and of the future. Every hidden tear that their soul shown me I carry in my heart. 

Majestic September 2021

The television was rarely turned on, but nowadays it stays off completely(you can't even watch National Geographic or whore/glutton related commercials are displayed). I started learning languages again, French (remembering), Italian and Indonesian. Having said this I see no difference between the whores on tv and my whore neighbours walking around in black robes pretending to be pious while their excistence is nothing more than lay around in their homes with open legs to birth more children, them not working, their deadbeat husbands not working and all praising their demons for having found such a willing host to parasite on. Even cockoaches can give birth, capiche? If they would raise their sons like men instead of swines, they would be civilised and not harrass women. To be completely honest, the only reason why some are alive is because it's forbidden to kill. My hands are tied (by obedience and loyalty that is), God has a plan and only defence is allowed. If I would get a free pass my feet would bathe in the blood of the wicked. I would have zero problem sending them back to hell.

With a clean body (no cigs, no alcohol, 9 years celebate, vegan), a calm heart and clear mind I should be able to become better than I have ever been before. 

bought my little nephew this. I think its hella cool. if the low IQ of the taliban multiplies in Europe (and it will), how will a man defend himself? Hit them with a pink unicorn bag or a disciplined black boot in da face. I see no brightness in this future so my only wish is for the little ones to become strong as lions

The hardest thing about being vegan isn't stopping eating delicious dishes you've known all your life, the life of a child is worth to me more than a 10 minutes meal.. But adjusting the swear words. Because pigs are not dirty and dogs are better than people. And the realization that people around you just don't care. 

21.09.21 I called my Father as loud as I could from the depth of my soul. Dad, bless my robe and fingers for what I might do to killers of the innocent.

dropped off a piggyback stowaway at a garden center

I leave the month behind with greater sadness than before. People whom you think get it, turn out to be even more indifferent than you thought and when I finaly did share a (spiritual) story to someone and provide pictures, you get laughed at. As if I photoshop my pictures. The greed the laziness the arrogance it is so present in people they crush my soul. At this point I feel only being burned alive would match the flesh with the soul within. 

A shop assistant offered me 2 hot sandwiches. They stood too long, he said, I could have them for free. I didn't like them so I thanked them, but when he said he would throw them away I took them for the birds. But when I walked out of the store, I saw exactly 2 homeless people. One dug his arm deep into the bin. I ran over and gave the sandwiches. What a coincidence. This made me think. So I sent an application to volunteer with the Salvation Army

3 Oct, as I spoke about me being volunteer for the salvation army. I can't think of a better organisation to help people. The people everybody ignore. I would love to shine a light in their hearts. If I get rejected by this army too, the world truly did deemed me unfit. Which is so funny because the animals and saints vouch otherwise.

I saw this young pigeon sitting under my balcony in the evening. It seemed unable to fly and was chased by a cat. I took it home. Neighbors said the bird had been wandering for two days. But help no, 'because there's football on TV'. After a few days brought her to Amsterdam by train, where the bird was lovingly taken care of by Bille the pigeon queen and receives medical care.  Bless her heart and that of a gallant young man that, without knowing so, warmed my heart. Of course I thanked him but he will never know that the little gesture of kindness just meant a lot.

15.10 Woke up at 4.30am to a nightmare of eggs being smashed. The mother birds had been shot and kicked. They frantically tried to protect their nest. I turned on the computer and signed up to volunteer for hunt saboteur

Madonna at age 47. physically a role model, just like Gérald Michiara is

Steady October 2021

Liever sterf ik een gruwelijke dood dan leven met een onrechtvaardige ziel. ONACCEPTABEL is dierenleed en het wegkijken ervan, en onverbiddelijk is mijn standpunt erin. 

2 Oct My tv broke. Not getting it fixed. Listening to Enya.

05.10 listening to Chris Isaak  

Zelfs Mike Tyson heeft gevonden hoe mellow je wordt en dat gewoon fijn is, zeker met trainen ga je gewoon door en blijft lekker. Bob Marley had zijn ding, ieder de zijne. Manna was meer dan een paddestoeltje.

A contact sent me a message. Many words, while I prefer to the point telegram style. I scan the message and see bullpoop. You don't get it he wrote. OK, shorten the message. He was not able to, he kept sending me messages and I realised I was not talking to a man. I was talking to the depths of his dark hole, his anus. He was talking with his ass. I was talking to two flapping buttcheeks. So I stopped responding. I cherish my time and did 100 sit-ups instead.

as agreed upon, pooping at the neighbours, not on my side

and so ends the month Oct. No reply from orgs so I collected activists myself and will be doin what I wanted to do myself. You are the ALF. You are a salvation army. Everything begins and ends with you, your willpower. Changing the world starts with you. Not by waiting on others.

my daily dose of hugs and face licks

26.10 Was sobbing about the loss of my dad again. And my child. But, I do know what you did for me and what has happened, so do not mistake my grief for ungratefulness, I said to God. And then the light appeared.

November 2021

Praise the Lord for my boy. We got the same humor and dislike pussies. Always rational, objective, no tears and complaints but solutions and deeds and always room for a chuckle. And when I tell him something, he knows who Simo Häyhä is. 
I keep thinking about how many homeless people there are. How can one sleep peacefully in his warm bed when others are hungry and cold unprotected so close to home. Met a strong woman this month, Slavic blood so you know; with the same caring hand with which the biscuit is lovingly baked, an evildoer can get a fist in his face. She is hella lot like me. Her tradition is baking cookies, so we're going to bake them together for the homeless and find them and hand them out. 

December 2021

Started the month on water, moderate coffee and green and with daily breathing exercises. 

who would have ever imagined that cookie monster was able to switch to.. healthy snacks

Dancing to soul train A LOT. 
And instead of the annual sadness that I step into december with I had a nice dream where I was basking in the sun in a speedboat on the Adriatic sea with Marilyn Manson. Poor sucker should have made it work with Dita

The tri-fold  Christmas card I created for this year. I did not mention the loss of Michaela and my father. That is too fresh and they are with my Father. I will do so with the ressurection. 

Amazing experience with my son at Skydive Rotterdam "The Flying Dutchmen" - June 2021
Afterwards vegan treat, of course. I did not remove mask because I like to be comfy. 

My shimmering dream

Thankfully I won't need to go to the USA to chase a tornado the way things are looking.
Nahum 1:3 The Lord is slow to anger and great in power, and the Lord will by no means clear the guilty. His way is in whirlwind and storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet. 

26 Day Fasting  (3-2021) No solid food fasting. Craving for vegan cake, fries and all that but need to sit it out till after Easter. When I decided to fast I did not think about Easter. But it is fitting, because so many will now feast on concentration camp eggs which mocks Jesus who compared himself to a hen. And eat lamb flesh, which pleases Satan, because it was the blood of Christ itself, the lamb of God, who took away our sins. 

I can't believe that the fasting actually ends on 6 april, so exactly after Easter. Honor to Christ. Will have a vegan festive meal afterwards.

"But the one who slaughters an ox is like one who kills a person; The one who sacrifices a lamb is like one who breaks a dog's neck; One who offers a grain offering is like one who offers pig's blood; One who burns incense is like one who blesses an idol. As they have chosen their own ways, And their souls delight in their abominations" Isaiah 66:3

Picture above taken 22-03 in evening. 17th day of fasting. Thinking about the people I fast for, one being stupidly proud because 'that's the way his ancestors did it', the second I'm pretty sure he hates my guts like nobody on this planet. But I continue to pray for them all because being Christian actually has nothing to do with yourself. This type of prayer is called intercession (1 Tim 2:1). Abraham's cousin was saved only because of Abraham's intercession. The Father loved Abraham so much and valued his friendship with him, He actually looked at Abraham while He was sleeping, asking if He should wake Abraham up for what He was about to do...  (pic underneath 03-04-2021). Today 04-04. I'm genuinely hungry now. Fasting ends 06-04 at 00:00.

Just for fun, playin around.  10.04.2021

24 July 2021

You are looking at the (calm center) eye of the storm. I have deliberately not shared certain information so I will never have to waste time with frauds. 

Everything is Connected

One of the stories in the childrens book I wrote in 2012 is about a friendship between a child and it's vehicle.. (everything is energy/connected)

Butterflies of Hope 

Did you know that insects have the best vision in the entire animal world? and of the insects the butterflies have the best vision?

September 2013 (4th floor in Delft)- butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

Celibate Life 

2021 Feb - 1th floor in Krimpen aan den IJssel 

The more you sacrifice your own sins and wishes, the closer you get to God.
Your wallet cannot be full when others have nothing to eat.
The body is a temple and the Holy Spirit needs a clean house to live in, so the stomach cannot be
tainted with meat that depends on the slaughter of innocent blood (when not survival but glutton!)
No dairy built up by pus, screams and tears. No soda. No alcohol. No cigs. No slutties.
And with no slutties I mean I have faced sweet temptation, but did not act upon (contemplated for 7 years and pursued none). So not like pervert Gandhi
Temptation: like stopped smoking as promise to God (aah I loved smoking, it was delicious), and all of a sudden I got me a new neighbour who speaks Croatian and every single day offered me a cig, pleading I should take one. Lord knows I wanted to, but I cannot. I am bound.

Some explanations...

God is jealous

"Thou shalt have no other gods before Me" is one of the Ten Commandments.

God is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14, Exodus 20:5).

Now let me give an example. You are married. You have a happy marriage and your wife would do everything for you. On the walls of your home there are pictures. Of you and your wife, of the children she gave birth to. Your children. Now imagine you being such a dipshit to fancy another woman and to put her face up on the wall. Is that not, ungratefulness? Is that truly the respect you would give your wife? Same goes for God. Stop putting pictures of losers on the wall. It pisses him off. 

Fearing God

Most think God is some hippie and it's all about love. That is partly true, this actually goes hand in hand with holiness truth and justice. God is a righteous God. A Father. And like with earth fathers, when we were small, if we did something wrong we feared to get a can of whoop ass. Now if you have a living relationship with the living God, then you feel the same fear when you even slightly think you might do wrong. I do not want to anger my Father. He does not deserve disobedience either. No parent does, therefore one of the commandments is to honor your father and mother. I fear my Father in a healthy way, as in I do not want Him to be ashamed of me, I do not want to dissapoint Him. I do not want to break his trust. 

WWJD? Let me tell you what Jesus would do. Each time I went to HR I sat down at the table where it mattered the most. Where would Jesus want to sit down if he was there briefly, in a house where there is always joy and company and food, or there where there is nobody and barely any food.

My father 12.03.2021

My father did not use washing powder for the last decades as he said it polluted the sea. And when I told him Shakespeare (one of his fav writer, as well as mine) wrote McBeth when he experienced a pandemic (locked in his apartment in London for months), he wanted to read it. His eyes however were no good anymore, so he asked me to send audio which I did. And dad knew who Ivan Roso was. I miss my dad. I had often sent ipods with music, and in the nursing home he suddenly started talking to me in spanish (or french); but he was listening to Guevara's speech (to the UN) that I also put on it. He took us for walks in the woods every weekend, cooked delicious food, always took us to the latest movies and burgers afterward. The kitchen drawer was always full of sweets. He was sick, but not crazy. My first ten years were so impressive that I always remembered him as strong. I did not see that the rock itself needed a rock. 

what I don't understand is the extreme cold I experienced that evening a hour after hearing the news. so cold that I chattered my teeth so hard this resulted in a root canal treatment (when I came back). the computer (websites, all payment systems) suddenly malfunctioned for hours, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half submerged. but when I came back after the funeral everything worked again

A video I made in the airplane. You can see the airplane blades, right? Well, with my naked eye I could no see them move at all. The camera registers this because of the shutter speed. 'Try to swat a fly and it will soon become clear that they're faster than you. Flies, compared with you and me, essentially see the world in slow motion. Some flies see six times faster than us, catching prey in mid-air in less than a second.

This happens because animals see the world around them like a continuous video. But in reality, they piece together images sent from the eyes to the brain in distinct flashes a set number of times per second. Humans average 60 flashes per second, turtles 15, and flies 250. The difference between our perception of time and a fly's (or any other animal's) comes down to the speed at which the eye, and ultimately the brain, can record repeated rapid flashes of light. This is called the flicker fusion rate'. 

I don't always see the spirit with my naked eye, but I do feel (or hear) it's presence always. Like the soft sound of wings. I am very known with that sound since I befriended a hella lot of birds in the last 2 decades. Many of them loyal crows, and one raven of which bystanders (even a car driver once stopped his car and got out to ask) think they are always the same ones and belong with me. Hell no, they belong outside, Father gave them trees. 

22.4.21 elke stap in huis is een stap naar diepe bedroevenis. elke stap is loodzwaar doch het licht wijkt geen seconde van mijn zijde. ik mis mijn meisje. het huis is vervuld met kaarsjes en gebeden

If you pay attention you see our guardian with us  

02-05-2021 With my curtain closed I forgot it normaly was always open, and Mika would be on the right, and the dove outside on the left, only seperated by glass. Always looking at me when waking up. They make such a sweet sound.

3-05-21 new friend. used the soft vest Mika took her last breath on as pillow for a long time


Allround secretaresse, vestigingsassistente, juridisch secretaresse bij verschillende kantoren, directieassistente (op mijn 20ste).  Vanaf 2010 de creatieve kant opgegaan, pt eigen business (B2B, B2C) met pt administratieve job bij een middeleeuws themarestaurant in een pand van het jaar 1500. Vanaf 2015 een diversiteit aan projecten waaronder programma manager branded content (in 2016) bij een tv producent (formats voor RTL4). Veel interesses, altijd te weinig tijd. Als kind vijgen verkocht in Kroatië op het strand aan toeristen, als jong tiener nep tatoeages gezet/verkocht op het strand in Scheveningen, diploma banketbakker op zak, enz enz, divers divers.. 
In 2021 heb ik het idee opgegeven les te geven aan kleine kinderen. Dit nadat ik een tweetal kinderen geholpen had in mijn buurt door ze schoon water te geven waar ze om vroegen en ze niet meer met het riool te laten spelen. Werd kort erop herhaaldelijk driftig aangebeld door een dolle niet werkende moslim baardaap die uit zijn grot was gekomen, dat waren dus.. zijn kinderen. Ik realiseerde me dat ik niet had nagedacht, en het lerarentekort niet voor niets aanwezig is. Dat de toekomst en de demografische cijfers er niet om liegen. Ik ga geen slangenkinderen lesgeven. 

I understand.

Much to your dismay, you find out that people don't mind that little BABIES are taken from their mothers (calves of the cows) for milk. That they are then slaughtered. That animals are kicked, tortured. Experience unprecedented suffering. That is against the will of God. That is Satanism. God can also use cruelty, and sometimes tenfold with anger. But always out of justice.  I mean, eating veal? A baby? A baby sheep? Go ahead eat your own limbs or kids.

Whoever asks God for insight, gets it.   

I feel I am drifting away from humans in general.  It's like speaking the language that was lost, but nobody speaks it, nobody wants to speak it anymore. The communication with the other side becomes stronger. 

The world becomes nothing but noise.

Nobody Listening Anyway

'Coincidence'. Yes the doorbell rang. No, nobody was there if you paid attention.
Yes you can hear the wind chime, but if you pay attention you'd see there is no wind.
Yes I am aware of the lights in the home. No there is nothing wrong with your eyesight.
And those who initially did recognize the Lords work, would later on forget it. Like the turds in the desert did (no wonder Moses got fucking angry). You turn your back and they forget. But when they need you (God) suddenly they remember again and pray!! I show someone the power of prayer and they go off inspired and buy ghost hunting shit and start looking up demons. WTF. When you very carefuly show something, they get freaked out. 'It's creepy, it's scary'. The angels in their true form are not fluffy angels. They did not present themselves as 'don't be afraid' for no reason. I understand why some cannot have faith or have trouble believing. I also know why some things are as they are. But I cannot explain to people. Because they do not really care to know. If you really want to understand God, read 2 Esdras 4. What if I had asked you how many dwelling places there are at the bottom of the sea? How many rivers flow into the waters beneath the earth? How many rivers are there above the dome of the sky? Where are the exits from the world of the dead? Where are the entrances to Paradise?

The Son of God was hanged because nobody liked to hear his message.
The meat eater does not want to know his snack begged for their lives.
The whore who is after your body only, does not want to hear its superficial.
Jesus was like a mirror, and that's why people hated him. He did not want you to feel good, he wanted you to DO GOOD.
He was no 'social media motivator', 'influencer', 'a guru who asks you to seek your inner light'. Jesus was outspoken, Jesus was truth. Jesus at this very day and age, would be ignored or ridiculed. The only reason why he would not be hanged is because the people have such a big ego, that they would not even bother to listen even if He did spoke.

28 January 2021 - sometimes i can't believe what I am hearing. Theoretical bullpoop crap about what is a trinity blah blah. Was Jesus God, blah blah. Read the bloody bible and you will know. Ask God, and you will know. My spiritual trinity is God his Son and the Spirit, but my mental trinity is based on BIBLE, SCIENCE AND HISTORY. These three are so well grounded together that I have zero interest in theoretical mumbo jumbo discussions from sects that can easily be recognized by their fruits. 

Company while in Prayer 

2009 ~ requested company after prayer (I was 'depressed') in Wallonia. 

I went for this walk (see also pic underneath this text) and asked God or his angels to accompany me. Depression fell upon me hard as I was confronted with earthly things (not because I wanted it, but because I saw it was admired by those I loved); someone who had everything, many friends, money and property, overall success. And I, getting older, still had 'nothing' of these worldly pursuits. He asked me 1 question only. He said, would you trade everything the person has for what you have?

I immediately said no and understood. Because these things were all worldly, and none had faith. So quickly the depression was gone and I started to enjoy the walk. As I was walking and talking I found this little church and felt the need to go inside. Inside, I felt the need to sit down but I was afraid I would break the chair so didn't. When I came home, only then I noticed that where my feelings were the strongest in that conversation, the lights are shown on the pics. 

Matthew 3:9

And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. 

Do not tell me you are my family member by blood but you do wicked things. I might pick a stone over you.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil.

God is a righteous judge.

March 2020 - My son baffled me this weekend. He gave me some facts about a subject and as it turned out, he thought I had done something questionable. Well not questionable but simply dead wrong. I said no son, I did not and if you had done such, we would have a problem. If you doubt, always ask me. If I was wrong, correct me. If I would do something which is not righteous, I would lose the hotline with dad. Then I started to think.. I too.. have a doubt. And did not ask dad straight up. So I did.. see dad.. I was looking into cattle and what bothers me is that Lot offered his two virgin daughters.
>Yes, LOT DID. I didn't, Lot did. What did I say to Abraham when he asked me about sparing the life of the righteous people in Sodom?
You said if there are 40, I will not destroy it.
> If there are 30, I will not destroy it. If there are 10, I will not destroy it.

God's patience with sinning people explained

22 March 2020 - I wondered why God is so patient with bad people. Then I dreamed this. A shepherd walked through the fields with his sheep. This allowed them to graze where they wanted and he watched them. Then he saw a field of hungry wolves further on. The sheep in his vicinity were safe, so he did not have to worry about them. The sheperd called the sheep that stood at a distance and had separated themselves from the rest. Some were hit because they didn't want to turn around until they were on the safe side. The wolves would tear apart the sheep alive. He loved his sheep and he did not want that fate for them, even though they were stupid and stubborn. Then there were sheep so stubborn and selfish that the shepherd had to run after them. After tripping a few times, under the scratches, tired of shouting and running, and now far from his safe flock, the shepherd let's them go, shaking his head. They were torn apart by the wolves.

Human traditions still worth more than Gods word to bellies

30 March 2020 One short word for the traditionalists. Who care more for human traditions than Gods word. Boasting sitting in church on Sundays with fat bellies. I was not the first who noticed the same behaviour. St. Paul did so too. Who is it, that calls someone else 'Father'. Who baptize babies with water when Jesus or John touched not even one like that. Who is it who pray to the one not even a single sentence was devoted to by God or Jesus with request to pray to her? It is these who find it strange I care not much for birthdays (I tend to forget the year and age with people), because I am grateful for every day. Even in that, the bible stands on my side; 
There are only three birthday parties described in the entire Bible. Absolute disaster occurred on each occasion! If God felt birthday celebrations were something positive and good, why wouldn't He have recorded one other account where something either good or positive happened? Yet, there is no such account. 

Golden Gift

animal friendly fishing hahaha

Nothing more satisfying than a son applying for commandos whose namesake lead a skillfull army of God and (one of his other names) was named after Leon the Professional which also means.. lion.

when you find your child's old toy box

Gift from God

1997 Birth of my son. When I was young I knew I would give birth to a boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Hence in his birthcard I had added the text 'predestined, so he came'. Long before it was official the baby would be a boy, I had enlisted him at a daycare center (you had to reserve a place beforehand) with his full name. I cried when I heard I was pregnant, from the hospital to the way home, and fell on my knees at home thanking God for this wonderful gift.

He has 3 first names, one of them means bear, another one means lion (French pronouncing) (+ of course one traditional Christian name). I read the bible to him every evening, took him to the librairy every wednesday for 2 hours where we read books before taking him to martial arts class.

2021 - when my son works out in his free time..

When you brought up your child without knowledge of factory farming and he adores meat, and decides to 'give it a shot', making me proud once again 

chatting with son while him being deployed. I have no worries. Yes, Beketje hehe

A Token of Appreciation. Sent to my ex for Father's Day (2021).

I have so many photo albums and he doesn't. After all those years. I also wanted to let him know that he was/is a wonderful father.

At the nursery, the children were once asked who their best friend was. Everyone pointed to someone. But my son replied that his father was his best friend.

2021 - Birdhouse for Fathersday. My (step)dad is a very good man. Always helps out, always caring. Two right hands. Gentle soul. His kindness is taken advantage off sometimes by others. The only reason why those people get away with it and are not tasing my fists is due to his kindness. I respect my father. I have 3 of them. The one by blood went to heaven, with the heavenly father.

Growing up as child

A few favorite memories of mine:
* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience
* Hair als golden as the sun, eyes as blue as the sea, feet as fast as mine, always ending up at the same time on the finish line. The first boy I ever fell in love with. Milan from a place named Kamen. I think I was about 6. 

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for 8 months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.

The picture above was taken right after the prayer on 5 April 2015 at 10:48 am. The angel watched over him day and night and left with him on 13 nov 2015.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel arrived was visible day and night and did not leave his side  

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, year after year.

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love.

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me.

Michaela was loved, not just by me. I think God lent her to me. There was daily close and loving contact , not only between us, but also between her and the angel/spirit/God?

Michaela - Gift from God

Michaela joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer.

This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers.

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha.

She is the first cat ever that always responds when I ask something. It has nothing to do with the tone of voice or eye contact. I can't explain. Maybe we are morphed into one, we see and hear and respond on same things at the same time.

Mika has a lot of Friends who like to play with her

Exodus 14:24 During the last watch of the night the Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud ... Exodus 19:16 On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain.. Exodus 19:9 The Lord said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud

The magical view from my bedroom window 

7 december 2020 - we are all awake till late

Listening to the rain

Mika and Noa Piccolo the snail
Noa died in July 2020. 

Don Poek had his own Facebook account. Now Mika's account

Michaela's death 5.2.2021

My sweet child, my mini mummy, my lifeline, my Gift from God left this realm on 05.02.2021. Every single day in all those years together she woke me up by licking my face and hair. Sleeping next to me every single night, running towards the bed the cutey. She was so loveable and caring and intelligent. Her death struggle was so hard and sudden and rough. 

here we spent so many happy hours together, looking out of the window, at the rain, the birds.

May God strike me with blindness if I did not see what I should have been able to see. I wish to see not if I don't see at all.

She was always by my side, we crafted, we chilled, if I worked out my legs she would sit on my stomach. She was my girl. She was the one who wanted me to stop smoking, who wanted me to act like a lady, who disliked the knife throwing and was a pure pacifist. She kept an eye on me by looking at me via the mirror. Who was unbelievably intelligent as she understood all I said (her own name directly, to which direction to walk etc), was grateful for each gift I brought her and if there was one word I could describe her, it was TRUST. It showed on a lot of ways, like me taking her to the vet without a cage, because she trusted me. I would say, you can let yourselves fall, I have you. And she would let herself fall in my arms. She was as beautiful as a snowflake and I told her this many times.

I caressed her in those bloody last moments and prayed My Father as this always calmed her down. It did so even in that terrible moment, she was so helpless. I prayed for none other than to ease her pain. I sought no angel (via God) to prolong her life as I did with Poek, I did not want more suffering. Nor do I want another companion, there is a cruel world out there with children suffering each day that never had a single moment of love because ego has given man the illusion that one animal deserves love and comfort and the other torture and death. They as we do share the same breath, and what will be done to them, will be done to us. Her name was trust, my name is loyalty. I was beyond happy with her and all the moments spent together were done in full awareness of being happy and grateful. I love you forever Mika.

Mika's suffering

17.02 Prayer. Mika's death was truly horrible, so helpless as she was and this has been nagging me. She was a gift, why did you allow her struggle. Why does my faith not make a difference, where were you to take away her pain. 

I prayed thinking of Mika remembering how calm it always made her, even in those moments of struggle and opened the book, after which I made the picture where you can see the white light shown. There is written (exactly these few sentences) that Jesus himself suffered tremendously and he was Gods son. That even Judas did not know that all was in Gods plan. That satan too did not know. What do you know is asked. I said Mika was and is TRUST. Trust in the Lords ways. And yes, I continued, my name will always remain to be LOYALTY. I will never bow down for monstrosities. There is only ONE. Acts 4:12

The darker it gets the more light I see. In the end days more and more people even the elected ones will say look there is no God, how can God be so cruel, and they will curse the humans God created. This pleases satan. 

After I buried her, I asked my mother's cat to watch over her grave. And this sweet cat, who avoids crowds, did something she never did before and never did again. She did something Michaela always did with me, she stretched out her paw to touch my face.

The very first moment we met

Athair Ar Neamh

22.02.2021 As I could not stop thinking about the loss of what can only be described as perfect love, the tremendous gratitude for having experienced it, my head filled with flashbacks of my child. One song kept playing in my head and I was surprised when I translated the words...... Athair Ar Neamh. Father in Heaven, God help us.Father in Heaven, God help me. My soul, my heart, my voicepraise to you, oh God. I praise you from day to day. I praise you night after night.The moon, the sun, the wind, praise be to you, oh God.

A month later my father died. He died in his sleep, whereas my angel had a horrific long death battle. Her body laid on the floor as if she was crucified. I wanted to pick her up but I was so afraid it would hurt even more so I laid down next to her. I fully believe this angel of God took the pain upon her. 

It is hard to explain and you might think what kind of God lets his children suffer. But then think what his own Son went thru. I think Mika truly was God sent, due to all she did and has happened. And I think, God borrowed me this angel and took her back. Because I remember cuddling with Mika in 2020 and being grateful for this kind little creature and all of a sudden I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.  

A woman that has a very strong relationship with God too said exactly this too, while I did not even mention my thoughts about the matter. Because 5 years is too young for a child to get that sick all of a sudden. Her whole being was symbolical, her arrival, her death. 

The night I heard that my father had passed away I got very cold. So cold that I set the heating to 23-25 degrees. I was so cold and my teeth chattering so hard that I took a hot shower for half an hour to get warm. Then everything I touched broke, the internet connection went down, the mouse stopped working, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half flooded, I couldn't book a trip for hours because every page gave errors. Didn't sleep because of the headache. A week later at the dentist because of persistent headaches it turned out that a root canal treatment was necessary because of the chattering teeth that evening.

Noa Piccolo the Snail

- New Years Eve 2016 on the picture above, for me, Mika en Noa had her own fruit filled pineapple - 
After Mika's arrival I wanted to give her a friend to play with. So Noa Piccolo the snail came in the picture. Snails are extremely social animals like little dogs, who love to bathe. In Loving Memory 06/2016 - 07/2020. Here is Noa taking a bath

My grandkids

Most memorable dreams 

as child always dreams about wars between angels, in young adult life many small foretell dreams and as adult mostly symbolic dreams as answers to prayers/questions

Dream in 2005 ~ of Jesus on the Cross

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw a man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering - not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight. It was so beautiful I never forgot about it.

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

Foretell dream in 2006

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on - thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed - he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it's not only feathers that make fine birds.


I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up. One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.

1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings - friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it - even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this - white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it's good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand - but then I woke up.


In 2005 I had a dream where i was standing on a mountain. The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around - and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing. Like children, sweet playful and just kind. I wrote a poem about it calling them the children of the rainbow and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year thinking about him I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind. 

It was him who pointed out the spirits on my pictures. I had never noticed them before. 

A decade later a picture was taken of me while sleeping, and 3 (green, blue and white) spirits are hovering near my head, isn't that fascinating? 

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.
Another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don't look up or think about the fact that it's weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

2021 - rage control

A dream after praying for help to control my growing rage against utter injustice. The lack of compassion is disturbing, the manner people continue their ways after being warned thru the pandemic. The sorrow, the sadness, the pain, the horrible horrific injustice and deceit that is taking place... So I went to bed praying for help because I do not want to chase away the last few people around me. In the dream suddenly a cat showed up, a little kitten that comforted me and that in the dream turned out to be Michaela's sister. Eventhough I felt calmer, my rage was still brewing. Then some force restrained me. I resisted, then I let go. Some presence held me in its arms and I felt the rage flowing away. I could feel it being beside me when I woke up. Slept like a baby.

My hometown


"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

A wonderful sign in the mountains asking people to leave only their footprints behind

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman....

15  - 20  - 25 degrees color nude shoes
I effin hate 40 degrees. Flipflops are not my thing.

You realize you have a shoe thing when you are looking thru pictures and notice you have a lot of shoe pics...

could not resist making this picture. I noticed the sign while I was waiting for someone in front of that closed shop

Fun times

"Now the title bitch isn't applied to just women (sings DeCalifornia) cause too many motherfuckers gotta lot of bitch in them." As I already mentioned, I hate male whores. But they share a spot with cowards, the (often liberal "oh let everybody just be" who will not stand up with passion to defend children or animals) couch potato men who have neither ideology or faith. Boneless and balless. 
additional: I'm always interested in training and actions. geen actie: geen reactie. vegan vereiste.

Men should dress like...

and I don't mean a suit in blue like creeps put on where they misuse the color blue to instill confidence like politicians.


Riooljournalisten: De Haas wilde een interview afnemen (NA tijdperk). Niet door te bellen of emailen, maar door doodleuk IN MIJN HUIS te stappen omdat de deur openstond ivm buitenspelend kind. Ik weigerde. Vervolgens schreef hij een artikel waarin ik geassocieerd werd met mensen waar ik niets mee te maken had. En werd de anti-ajax sticker aan de deur gekregen van de Feyenoord fanatieke buurman beschreven als een anti-joden sticker.

Toen jaren later Breivik in het nieuws kwam, werd ik wederom thuis lastig gevallen voor een interview. Ik was niet thuis, mijn kind werd ondervraagd en zo gingen ze daarna rechtstreeks naar mijn werk toe. Daar kreeg ik (in Delft) steeds berichten op email dat ze voor de deur stonden. Mijn collega's lieten de rat niet binnen. De rat bleef me met berichten torpederen, hij zou in een café zitten aan de overkant. Zou ik niet reageren zou ik alsnog worden genoemd schreef hij.

Om de chantage te stoppen mailde ik dit keer terug dat ik Breivik niet kende en er niets van wist. Helaas weet ik niet meer voor welke omroep deze zwijn werkte.

Ik herinner me ook een andere rioolrat in de begintijd van de NA. Die viel mij ook lastig. Ik werkte niet mee, en hij bleef me maar lastig vallen. Dus om de aanval te pareren sprak ik af. Op het moment dat hij aan zijn glaasje nipte in het café, mailde ik "op dit moment zit je in het café (Engels bij Rotterdam CS) te wachten op mijn komst. Ik kom dus niet zoals je ziet.". Toen hij dit bij thuiskomst las kreeg ik nog wat verwensingen toe.

Voor wie deze rioolrat werkte weet ik niet meer, ik moest toen zoveel aanvallen pareren links en rechts dat ik matig alles documenteerde. Ik had andere prioriteiten.

My Poetry

The Ancient Call

Prone to extremes am I
Satisfied with only the best
The best healer, the best combatant, the best poet
The best of the best with no place for the rest.
I am a lover, but it's not love that bonds me
I am a fighter, I strive for devotion and loyalty
For the sword must be molded in fire and thunder
in trials and tribulations, a pure and ultimate force
I call upon the four elements and stand before the four winds
a natural intoxication of knowledge and energy unified
I like Gods legion to be amused as well when the kingdoms fall
When we wash our feet in the blood of the wicked
I want them to attack in fury, merciless and full of wit
before the ancient winds will whisper in their ears
"Come back holding your shield or being carried upon it!"


Aimlessly wondering - bathing in disgrace
Sold their souls to pleasure, no dignity remained.
The flock, the sheep, awaiting to get devoured
the helpless ignorant mass - living their final hours,
Their weights crushed by responsibility ignored
For in last days of judgment - they all shall taste the sword.

Nameless poem, written in 2019:

like a lioness in a cage
the wall so tall
a little bite
a little blood
a little lick
a little bit to satisfy the thirst
alas one drop will release the beast
it's a pigeon anyway

Nameless poem, written in 2020

the days bring no peace
the nights bring no sleep
deprived of sleep and peace
months on a row
I continue to train my fingers for battle
time and patience have became my grooms

Finis erit, prima Fuit

The devoted love of Penelope awaiting Oddyseus
Samsons love for Delilah
Real love knows no limits, no boundries,
Its unconditional. Its Divine.
It waits and gives. Hopes.
Remains in faith against all odds.
When one loves with a pure love that succeeds petty emotions, the love looses its impatience,
selfishness and expectations.

Changing Seasons

Years are passing by
wrinkles are forming around the eyes
black cat's whiskers turning white
sending prayers by candlelight
There is no cure for the occassional loneliness
and as long as I remember,
no remedy for December.

When you are close but still too far,
It does not matter where, but who you are.

Groundhog Day

Elke keer een stukje verder zwemmen
op dat stukje hout, zo oud
en wanneer dan de kust in zicht is,
pakken donkere wolken zich samen,
gaat het onweren en hagelen
en sleept de woeste zee je weer terug

De dag breekt aan de zon schijnt
en je gaat weer zwemmen vol goede moed
Soms kom je een drenkeling tegen
je biedt een stuk van je hout aan
en samen zwem je verder
je denkt, als ik nu rust kan jij zwemmen
en andersom, zo komen we er wel
maar het was geen mens, het was een meerman
die zich vermaakte om je leed
en toen hij uitgelachen was,
weer terug in de diepte gleed

En wanneer dan de vermoeidheid zijn tol eiste
en het lied van de sirenes zo lieflijk klonk
De zon tot hallucinaties zorgdroeg
en je van de zoute zee dronk
het water langzaam je longen vult
is daar een stuk hout,
die plotsklaps uit de hemelen valt

Koor: Maar bekijk het van de zonnige kant!
Je zwemt in de zee, maakt dingen mee. Wat een genot!

Niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen

The Case of Discipline

Oh but we have needs they say
We all have basic human desires.
Don't be a spineless chunk
and wisely use the powerful svadhisthana chakra.
Don't be like sleezy douchebags
jumping in each others bed,
work out instead!

Alles is te verslaan behalve bedroefdheid.
Je kan je overal tegen wapenen behalve verraad.

Black Consumption

Satan was thrown out of Heaven because of his pride
Many are jailed because they were blinded by pride
Justifiable pride comes not out of love for thyself but for others
Like a mothers pride when her child learns well
So there are two different sources where pride comes out off
Be aware of which one you have
- the wrong one consumes you,
And will throw you out of Heaven too

Red Rose (sent to a soldier once)

Oh ye brave men, scattered around the globe
How I crave for this delight
The moment in which we all walk together
To enter the final fight.
I can hear all their hearts beating,
as loud as thunder.
Thus, courageous soldier
Let not alone my letters follow you,
wherever thoust might be,
For see the warmth of the sun as my extended arms,
when the sunbeam shines upon thee.
For as God shaped man in His likeness,
The blood debt shall be repaid
Tyranny, corruption, deceit and confusion
Cutting with a sharp blade the veil of disillusion
The ancient war - the time is now
The endless line drawn in the sand
Blood for Blood
- by the righteous hand.


Een slechte tegenstander is een aanval op je intellect.
Het toont van geen enkel respect
Hoe wil je een mens analyseren die zijn mentale condities beheersen kan
Die je beter kent dan jij jezelf.
Die weet dat hij altijd op het toneel staat,
omdat de wereld toekijkt of hij door het ijs zal zakken
Hoe wil je plannen smeden in het geniep
Als de ander ze in zijn dromen ziet.
Hoe wil je de ziel uit de mens halen.
Dat lukt je niet.

Damocles and Pandora meet Deus ex Machina

I have a curse that needs to be lifted
A therapist will blame it on childhood
A psychic will talk about bad karma and what I did wrong in a past life
A priest will tell me to pray and repent my sins
A drunk will tell me to raise a glass until I forget about it
Therefore chose your friends carefuly.
narrow minds, will give narrow opinions
Hateful minds, will give hateful speeches
None will lift you up, but drag you down in their sorrow
Now I say, this was just a moment of weakness,
for yes there is a curse
but just like with every great gift comes a lot of responsibility so I stick by Aristophanes's side..
just wait for the plot twist

Just a thought

Do not trust in man.
The heart of man is full of deceit,
He spends most of his money on himself
His words endless, his praise worthless,
his deeds few and shallow.
The apostles were mocked tortured and killed.
Yet man sits comfortably out of his chair and judges.
Like a Pharisee safe from his cave he points his sausage finger,
while animals suffer and children fall prey to pedophiles.
Soldiers taking their own lives dissapointed by man,
because they forget their service belongs to God.
On his empty shelf of deeds sits the cross he never picked up, collecting dust.
You will recognize them by their deeds. Words are cheap.


They don't talk to you but about you
good or right, does not matter
Lonesome my Father must be
when they speak of him in sheer vanity
Only in their darkest moments
they remember his name

Jacket of Deep Grief (2021)

When I create, when I work out, when I dance, when I talk or when I walk, my new jacket is off.
When I stop, as if a butler is standing next to me, to not waste a good moment, the jacket slips on.
An eery but warm comfortable jacket.
Quite heavy on the shoulders
In it the physical body stands firmly grounded
while the soul is on it's knees.
The jacket gives clarity,
and I will not depart from it. 
My heart is broken beyond repair.

het verdriet besluipt me
het is als een zware nevel om mij heen gewikkeld
het verstikt me
het knijpt me ineens fijn, diep als een citroentje
en vele tranen plengen er dan uit
als de laatste inwendige kreet geslaakt is
de laatste traan op de kin is opgedroogd
laat de greep los
ik weet niet wanneer het terugkomt.
Het verast me. steeds weer.


Materialisation (1997 and 2005 of money): I've had money to the last cent deposited (the exact ammount needed, like a 326,74!) on my bank account which I asked for (not for me) twice. Two witnesses by the by (both times one), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

1996: A woman from the maternity care came by each day after I gave birth. She was a lovely caring woman and I had noticed she was wearing a golden necklace, but without pendant. I found out she loved to have a child some day too, as well as what kinda flowers she loved, so we chatted quite a bit. One day while taking a walk thru the city with the little one my ex and I stood in front of a jewelry store and saw a beautiful small golden pendant of a pram. It was 70 guilders (not euro's back then). I knew this was meant to be for her. But I was fired because I was pregnant, and my ex's paycheck would not arrive for surely a week. We had little to spend. But I was sure God would want me to give this to the caring woman. So then the last week arrived that she would come by. We went to the city to check our bankaccounts every day, but no penny was deposited. Then the last day arrived, Friday, and I woke up my ex and said, we must go now, it is there, I am sure of it. Full of confidence I went to check my bankaccount, and there it was, 75 guilders. So we bought the golden pendant of 70, and spent the other 5 for flowers she loved (sunflowers). So we did not spent one cent for ourselves. Because this was Gods gift for her. When she opened the gift she cried, she was grateful. I am confident, that after having met us, her child wish was granted.
28-07-2020> we bumped into each other (20 years later)... I told her I sometimes regret in life not telling people the story behind the gift, and told her about the prayer and money. She was deeply touched and told me that she had given birth to a boy, and has 3 kids now. I told two people about this encounter. They call it coincidence. My heart sank. 'Coincidence'. 'Just a dream'. 'Just a dust particle' . I decided not to share these stories anymore, only here. Because the responses are now on the verge of them committing the sin that will not be forgiven. Give Honor Where Honor Is Due (Proverbs 3:27). My heart sank not because they do not believe me. It is because it hurts me that they do not acknowledge Gods hand in it. His work. His grace. Not me. Him.
I asked God, prayed for the money for the gift, He came thru with the exact ammount. The gift came with a meaning, that God would give her a child. I am glad I had the opportunity to tell her about it.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

On this same day and hour (28.07.2020) this email above reached me. Which warms my heart. A child to choose a creation of yours to honor God is beyond special.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

2005 was similar as to the 1997 situation; exact ammount of money needed was deposited. And again I was in a position of being broke, fired, unjust. And again I asked money not for me but for someone else.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.

What is similar to the two situations is that the money came from big companies. Companies that make a lot of money, and can do good but do not. Both denied having deposited the money, both said the money is not found in their administration.

In 2018 materialisation of a plate. My favorite beautiful tiny plate.. had it for years, already had cracks. All of a sudden I noticed TWO of them. One was brand new. I did not buy it, where did it come from. When getting used to having two of these plates... the old one had dissapeared!!! Materialism like with the money in 1997 and 2005. But on a whole other level. It reminds me of Don Poek and Michaela, the exchange.

I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later.


A leaf of a green plant, sharp edges. My finger was cut because of the sharpness, the blood dripped from the leaf - small nice beautiful red drops of blood fell on the ground and then flew in the air. I focused on these drops that clinked together and then formed a red lotus - which opened. And then fell apart - and again the red blood balls - drops clinked together and a red lotus was formed and opened his leafs. Have been lookin at it for a while - and then it was gone. Lotus of blood


3 Doors in the Clouds
2014 I've seen 3 doors in the clouds. Feeding the birds you are used to them flying above your head. I looked up and then my eye caught these 3 huge doors in the sky and I'm not talking about door shaped clouds.

Angels Play With The Cats
2014 I've seen my cat Poek being fed. By someone I could not see, as he started to eat something that was not there. In 2015 they play a lot with cat Michaela. In 2018 Michaela was speaking at least 2 nights with someone. In May 2020, I was in bed, just cuddled with M and being grateful for this kind little creature I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.

Time Is Illusion
I've seen someone fall in 2013, and in that time I could do things/walk around and actually think what I should be doing to help this man. In other words; I had TIME, as if time for me was slow and for the man was just 'normal'. We know there are many dimensions, but this to me is irrefutable proof that you can 'travel' thru time. Somehow. (bible: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years)

02-05-2021 a storm of lightflashes before me when I opened the balcony door in the night. Right, left, like a storm of falling stars, so many, so quick, so long, I tried to touch it but then it was gone
2021 June - in one week I saw 3 apparitions. One was present in the dojo, at the dentist and in human form outside. They really take the forms you would least expect. The human version; unbelievable, the one you would not notice. or not give it a second thought.

Jesus Christ Born on 19 June

19 June 2016. Day of full energy, lightflashes and all, everything which contains a bit of energy went off. Climax between 23-24.00. Made pictures, house was full of lights. Had no idea why. Now in 2020 I do.
Addition: is it not 'coincidence'?? that Satan choose this month to celebrate 'pride' (the sin that made Satan fall), abusing God's rainbow...

Relationship With God

I sinned once deliberately. He warned me beforehand.

I was angry at God once. As reaction He showered me with love.

God uses animals as signs

On two occasions God showed me what was going on via insects. Both signs occured after sinning.

On another occasion I prayed for God to send me an angel to a rally I would probably be outnumbered in. I trained all week with and without but I also prayed. And the night before, I asked the Father to send me a guard. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by doves. Then, silence. Then crows. Silence again. Then sparrows. Silence again, and that went on with all possible birds you can imagine in the city. And then... they all sang together! This of course was not normal, it was the call of the animals in which they announced the arrival. Early in the morning I was awoken by a noise in the kitchen. My first reaction was fear, I mean someone was in my home (my son was with his dad). I gathered courage in the next minute after truly identifying the noise as a chair was moved too, and ran down the stairs with a knife in my hands. I kicked in every door as to come down with big noise but .. there was nobody there. Nobody. I remember my prayer and the birds in the night so I welcomed the guest. Before going to the rally, I kissed my cat goodbye and said, I hope to see you in good health later on, but opening the bible for one last prayer and it was written I would. On the rally itself a copper asked me something, about being on my own or such. I smiled. He of course could not know I never travel alone.

Your Gut Instinct; The Holy Spirit

1996 ~ Justifiable rage (forgot which year exactly, think it was '96).

I was asked by X to join her at least once at her church service. I did. But when I came inside the building I felt I was getting angry. When the service began, I felt as if I was on fire and when the women started singing it felt as if demons were attacking my ears. I cursed and ran out of the church as I excused myself to X while crying as X came after me. I was so ashamed that I could not control my behaviour at times. Later we found out the church was rated number 1 on the list of dangerous cults.

Memorable Strangers

Tibetan monk in 2005. Called me in the crowded city with an astonished look on his face, pointing 'you are very lucky'. I know I replied and went my way. He just caught me in a conversation with..

2016 second time, again a Tibetan monk. Of course not the same one. So weird. How can people have a conversation with each other without speaking. The understanding, calmness and serenity. How can we from different faith systems connect so perfectly.

2006. I was in grief and walked into the library. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

2003 or so, a homeless man. I just had taken away my son to daycare and headed off to work. Single mum, little money, so once again broke. I had 1 slice of bread in my briefcase. No topping. As I was walking towards the metro station I heard a homeless man whispering asking for food as he stood next to a wall completely trying to bother no one. He did not want to disturb anyone at all, and his voice so soft. I said I am so sorry, I do not have money. But all he wanted was food, he was hungry. He literaly asked for a piece of bread. Lord and behold, what are the chances?? I only had 1 slice, but I was counting on money to be deposited that day and if not, well, I could live on coffee at work. I appologized for the bread having no topping, but he said it was ok because the mcdonald nearby would be open soon and he would put sugar on it. Till this very day I am glad I passed by. I had exactly what he wanted. And I was the one who noticed his humbleness.

1999 (I think it was) homeless man. I met a lot of homeless people in my life, trust me, not all are angels or just humble people. There are humans who just strayed on their way of life, like a musician that played Metallica on his guitar on my request after giving him bucks. Or one that I met a few times in my life, and very strangely each time when I was heading to a job interview, just a real bum but an entertaining one who made a real job out of begging. The very first time we met he was obsessed with the tattoo in my neck. What does it mean he said? I said I was part of a clan that all have this tattoo and that we burn homeless people in the night. LOL. Anyway, I was asked out by a man who that week stopped on the middle of the road in his sporty car and gave me his card, asking me if I wanted to be in his magazine and join car shows like those girls that walk around serving as eye candy. I was a young mum and our family was still one so I (yes it was legit, I visited his business, he was a car designer) declined, but since he was a busy man with never time off I asked him to join me and a friend on a night out, which we would meet later. He started to tell me how much money he had gambled away with his mother prior meeting me that evening. A homeless man then approached us. His hands open, he wanted to ask something. The car designer ignored him. But I wanted to hear what the homeless man had to ask. He said he only wanted to change the little many coins he had in his hand, lets say 100 cents, into 1 gulden as he needed to make a call or so but nobody wanted to accept the little coins. Keep the coins I said, and I gave him 5 gulden. The car designer then stepped up and said, then I will give you 10. The homeless man, as if he was dressed like a swamp thing, a black old man, fell to the ground after he looked at the money in his hands. On this cold, cold night, in the snow, the ground frozen, hard cold bricks, he let himself fall on his knees in the old trousers, started to cry and lifted his arms thanking God. I was so glad God let me pass thru his path at that time. In my heart, these are my treasures. This is my gold. Memories, of moments that touched my heart to the very core.

A Few Examples of Answered Prayers

God has humor

Example one. I prayed all week every evening for something else (for others). And all prayers were answered. When Sunday arrived I thought of how all prayers were answered like a wishing well and started to think, oh what do I want now? I opened the book, a habit in which I randomly open the book and point my finger to a sentence, and then look. There was written.. it's now time to say THANKS.

Example two. All prayers get answered - well, not all but these get resolved differently. Anyway, I asked God, look, I don't ask for much. I only want a Ducati. I could see myself driving a black devil in the night, dressed in black leather for the cold, black snake boots (wasn't vegan back then) because it seemed fitting, a whip, a karambit and a kali stick with me to visit pedophiles and bring a can of whoopass. His answer was; you won't get the money because you will spend it on things you don't need. WELL YEAH I don't need it but Jesus.. anyway, so no Ducati for me.

Stories I Cannot Share

1994 - foretell dream that saved my life, you'd not understand
1998 - the car accident, you'd not understand

From beauty to beast from beast to beauty

I remember always thinking up games so I could help my mother and play. I would play garbage man, so with a toy truck I would clean the house and play at the same time. I walked my friend home eventhough it was dark and I knew I would get into trouble for it, because I knew God would have my back. I defended little children in the daycare if they were treated unjustly, eventhough I knew it would make me end up at the principals room. I read to them, as I also did to my siblings and son every single night.

When we moved to the Netherlands I was about 8-9 years old. It was Christmas and as I was driving on my bicycle to school, where the tree and a class full of candles and joy was awaiting, I noticed this elderly home. Not a single window had any lights. I saw old people, alone, sad. So with a classmate we drew cards with christmas greetings and rang on each doorbell of that home. Imagine this: two kids, with a handmade card, wishing you a Merry Christmas. Many who opened the door did not even had a christmas card, as I quickly glanced inside. There were maybe 1 or 2 suspicious of us doing that, but the majority was over the moon so happy. And one even chased us as she insisted to give us money for it. We declined and she started to run after us. We stopped running as I was afraid she might fall so we took the 2.50 gulden and bought candy later on. Harassed by pedophiles one time too many around my 13-14th birthday the innocence faded. If there was something unjust, I was willing to help, and only asked travel expenses. When one pedophile in particular made me stop as I was on my bike and he in his car, I thought he wanted to ask the directions and I was so appalled by his vulgarity that from that moment on, I carried a knife and was determined to step into the car next time and cut his pedo-balls into the smallest pieces imaginable. But that moment, never came again. The pedophile had escaped his fate, and so did a journalist (no real one, just a piece of trash working for a trash site) years later. By sheer coincidence this wicked man stumbled up in a crowd nearby. I waited for him to open door number 1. But he decided to walk thru door number 2, never knowing what he had avoided that day.

Do you want me to talk about the day me and a comrade confidently headed up to a lion's den, only the two of us vs expected 50 opponents? Well, we both had a substance with us which is not illegal if you carry it alone. Mixing the two together would create, ..... their problem. In the beginning it sounded like music to my ears when I heard an opponent say 'ACAB'. But the word of a coward is worth nothing, you think you have free game but the first thing they do is run to the ones they supposedly detest so much.
Then I think about the diamond/art thief who I joined twice, not as thief but as observant due to my curious nature. Or the time me and another comrade started arguing about who would strip down the victim of a what I now see as a prank/warning gone too far because neither one of us wanted to see his naked butt. The intention was to kick him out naked at the border and let him walk home. But the person sensed something was up and jumped out of the driving car.

What is the point of sharing the above?
Maybe just for amusement, I don't know.
Maybe because assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
Maybe because it's sickening that evil people have their mind set bullying harrassing and abusing those they consider weak and easy to control. Children. Animals. Women.

7 Day fasting

2019 - On the 7th day I created this video just to show my physical condition. When fasting, don't be like pagans who only postpone glutton for a small period. I ate nothing and only drank coffee tea and water. On the 7th day there was written the advice to take, and this I took with me. The advice was not taken but sela, man has the free will and that is the gift God will never take away. Fasting makes a prayer stronger. 

Angel Encounter

I think it was 2005. Me and a non-Christian friend were collecting signatures for a cause. We stood in front of the library. At some point an old man came out of the the library and I asked if he could sign the paper. He wanted to, but soon saw the signature would be useless without an address; he turned out to be homeless. He came from Greece and his mandolin was stolen in the homeless shelter. All he had left was the jacket in his hands. He did not want to eat. He declined to take money (I offered half I had, which was 5€, could not offer all as I had a kid at home, same reason why I could not offer to stay in my house), he only accepted a bit of water. He started to talk about the evolution of people, the rise of the cities, the demonic nature of human experimentation on animals and so on. My friend joined in the conversation and got swept away as I was, as if a vision was shown before our eyes. The Greek's face seemed to change, his grey hairs seem to turn silver.
There was something extraordinary about him. A moment of distraction, someone wanted to place their signature. He walked away so I called after him, is there anything I can do for you? He smiled, held his hands in the air and said "God is Great". When I came home, I prayed for him and opened the bible, and there was written "God is Great". Does anybody know how often this exact words are written like that in the bible? Like maybe once?? Even my non-Christian friend is convinced to this very day that this was no random man but an angel in disguise.

Heb 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.


Least interesting to me but adding them here in name of documenting all rarities.

First of all; UFO means nothing else than an object not identified. If your brain sees one and you decide it's not an airplane, a drone, a bird or whatever, than it's simply an object that has not been identified.

I have seen unidentified objects a few times in my life.

1) Once when I was a young teenager looking at the stars on the garden swing alone. Two passed flew over my head without any noise and disappeared in sight, vanished.

2) Saw one (at age 30) in the middle of the (Rotterdam) city hovering above a very busy traffic intersection in the morning. I was surprised nobody else noticed. I did not want to take my camera because I was afraid it would be gone quickly so instead I kept watching it. Fascinating.

3) In 2019. I was in bed, it's 2-3 in the night. I just went to bed and it is next to the window so I can watch the moon and stars. I saw a UFO flying and then dissapeared into a cloud.

It gave me a very uncomfortable feeling so I immediately turned off the light. Then I noticed my room was the only one that had a light on, all those houses, flats, not a single light anywhere. So I was the only one awake. To my horror. I wondered if I was noticed. Then suddenly my bedroom window made a big sound as if a huge pressure was applied to the 4 corners of the window, it was the sound of a blast. Pretty scary actually.

4) Also in 2019. I was sitting first row in the airplane on my way home from Split to Rotterdam after visiting my father, who was ill. The weather was bad, rain, thunder, the lightening was kissing the airplane. Seat belts had to be on the entire flight and the flight attendents seemed to be worried. When I saw the lightening playing with the clouds I asked myself if I was ready to die. I decided quickly I was, my son is grown up and has a girl, all I care about have a partner by their side and my father in good hands. Only my cat would need care but my mum or son would surely take care of my child as if it was theirs. So yes, I was ready. Then I looked out of the window and saw big lights, like gigantic headlights in formation, standing still. I have no idea why I dismissed it, but my brain actually decided 'oh, those must be from the airport' and took a nap.