The Spartans, the Shaolins, so the strong ones I admire. But also the many intellectuals whose works I like to read, such as Einstein, Da Vinci, Tolstoy, Socrates, Hippocrates, Pythagoras, Tesla, Twain, all did not eat meat (dead bodies). I like talking to people who are compassionate, who are not morally corrupt and selfish. Who can control themselves (and actively battle their own flaws like Tesla did (read 'My Inventions'). 
šŸŒ±Leef rechtvaardig. Kies plantaardigšŸŒ± 

Non-drinking no soda no bullshit non-smoking no-tv-watching celibate vegan minimalist.

Did you know Enya (my fav singer) is a Christian, and so was J.R.R. Tolkien, author of the Lord of the Rings novel.

2022

Feel fat and thousand years old (pic right 11.04). Getting a few pics taken end May, but it turns out I have anemia related to premenopause so called in a pro to help me get my body back.

Soon I will be able to train hard every week of the month. What I asked God I got.

Relatives who laugh at animal cruelty, a neighbor who insists on belittling me, an acquaintance who wants to get in my pants, a coach who only cares about my wallet. Every so often I make the small circle around me even smaller. 

2 Corinthians 6:14-17 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?

Jesus said I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from every form of evil.

Protect the weak!

Above all, these are the children and the animals.
The old latin text on my neck does not say I run away.It says Come and taste my sword. which the knights said when they went into battle (against injustice) 

(June 2019) - it's always gratitude that fills the heart when watching the birth of a new day.
I found God here when I was a kid. Or He found me, I only remember I have never been alone. 

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds. This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight.

Angel After Prayer

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white (as in light, all light) serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. 

I was alone and slept in 'my room' on the ground floor, everything was locked. I woke up to the rattling of the windows, as if someone wanted to go in or check the windows to see if they were closed properly. I felt anxious. But now I heard it on every window frame, and I started to think someone was trying to get inside. The heavy materials are at the door, where is the axe, what should I take to run towards and confront...I thought.

Then I heard someone walking down the hall, so it was inside. I thought that is my father, until I suddenly heard him cough on the 1st floor, which was also locked with a key. So he didn't sleep on the ground floor. Now I was really scared because it felt evil and I knew this energy. That energy is not from here. It was not a human I could confront so I prayed to God to send me an angel to help me.

The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this (Ā±  2 meter) white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear". Years after my son made a picture of me in the room in the morning, before we went to the beach. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown. No flash was used, no light was on, no light from outside. 

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

2019 Short video during prayer, was checking if my effort was appreciated since I was so tired
 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually

Prayer on top of mountain

Picture taken in 2016. My favorite spot 6 o'clock in the morning to pray on the top of the moutain behind the home I grew up in. Mountain top is reachable after 2 hours climbing. In 2018 I went with my son there to pray, and like in a fairy tale, the fields were covered with hundreds of butterflies around us. Since 2016 I have asked up there to harvest because this world sick as shit. I prayed for war. Since 2019 the prayer has been consistent asking for God to come and see what they do to his children.

Love the #MeToo movement

Every single woman has been harrassed by men. And its always the married/ugly/old/fat ones, the ones it even makes you frustrated to react but you must or they wont leave you alone with their perverted 'innocent' 'funny' comments. I always responded with anger, but its tiresome. To cover their whoredom and failure they start telling people there is something wrong with you. Even poor Joan of Arc was harrassed by pervs when she was imprisoned, and because she wanted to fight them off in pants and not in a skirt, this made her even more hated by the elite and lead to her death.  You experience something every day. Example: a male colleague who noticed that the customer (a father) who wants to have a tape transferred to DVD has been filming during a performance of his child and zoomed in on the breasts and buttocks of young teenagers... BTW Not all women find it annoying to be harassed. These are the women who have a chronic shortage of attention,

aspire to get many likes on fb and many followers. Without compliments, they don't feel validated.

Ever tried the whip cracking trick - cutting a cigarette from the mouth? I did. And when I wanted to sell the whip, I was bombarded with a lot of disgusting males who with their couchpotato asses can only think of whorish things.  Who is a shallow pervert can expect aggressiveness, and who is civilized will receive kindness. 

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Veganism is the only right way, because, for example, for milk and eggs, the animals are also mistreated and they also end up in slaughter. Being a vegetarian is not enough

Gods being is not even treated as a living creature but as garbage. Demons in human bodies laugh about it, while others look away, making them just as guilty.

'With the measure you use, it will be measured to you - and even more." - Jesus Christ.

Pandemic

Yes a vegan could die too because the pandemic is not an imaginary one. But, vegans are less likely to get severely ill from coronavirus, according to a new study.

The research - which took place across six countries (under 3,000 health professionals took part) - showed that those who had plant-based diets were 73% less likely to develop severe symptoms from COVID-19. The findings were published in The BMJ Nutrition, Prevention and Health. 

"Trust Your Doctors" ... sure

None of those pro-vaccine pushers are vegans. They command you with underchins, meat bellies and dairy tits. 
The Hippocratic Oath is an oath of ethics historically taken by physicians. Its principles are held sacred by doctors to this day: as an important step in becoming a doctor, medical students must take the Hippocratic Oath.

The "Father of Medicine" Hippocrates "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" did not eat meat! And yes, fish is meat too, it's not a plant. And no, plants do not feel pain. Plants lack brains, a central nervous system, and anything else that neuroscientists know to cause setience. 

How much of these by the pharmatical industry paid assholes today eat no meat?.. And I am pissed. They sort of promised that lots of people would die, yet everywhere I look I still see cockroaches. See, the media and gov can never be trusted.

Vaccins are tested on animals. I do not support cruelty and neither am I prepared to live as a hypocrite.

Almost 24 million test animals were killed in the EU in 2017. How many do you think were killed for covid vaccin?

Animal experiments can be eliminated without substitution, because human data have long been available, or because their results are completely irrelevant to human health. No less than 87.5% of biomedical research is inefficient and wasteful. 

"Trust Your Government"... sure

#SmashEgo #Empty the Tanks #End the Cage Age 

ps i'm not anti-vax. Those who want to take take, some also benefit from placebos. I am for free will. Eating meat is of course not free will, because animals do not want to die. I mean free will over your own body.

Your own choice

Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

I have said for years now that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, even to suitors I do so not trying to emasculate a man; I do so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren.

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

2017 was the year in which I decided to join the Foreign Legion myself so (5 yrs) I would be able to help my soldier son when needed. Alas women could not apply at all. (pic left taken in Dalmatia in 2017). Bless Mika, I thought she would live for many more years.

A very strange day with many incidents, people have lost their minds due to covid. I achieved what I have hoped to achieve with martial arts for many years today, 12-12-2020. 

Be like Shep. 

(when you visit a 2000 year old well only to find a hippie fest built around it. Chalice is for new age escapists what Medugorje is for roman catholics and Disneyland for children. - at Chalice Well Glastonbury in 2019)

I watch the sky, day and night...

day and night

I built my healthy looking body upon smoking a lot of shag, 24/7 coffee, daily morning ice cream (winter, summer, always) and loads of candy and cakes for 2 decades. Hardly meat so I was practically a vegetarian for 20 years at least before going vegan. All the bitches who return to meat eating ways crying they missed something need to learn how to cook. You go vegan because you love animals, and you do not want to harm the innocent.

Fun fact; both vains as anisocoria are triggered when I get angry, which is hilarious

pull up bar made by my uncle 

Selfie 2019. I was not wearing a hat and no dress but a tanktop with short trousers. Nobody stood behind me. Weird shadow huh, looks medieval. 

Welcome to my world

Angels are sent to watch over us Psalm 91:11, 2 Chronicles 16:9, Proverbs 15:3, Heb 12:1 

Nothing is as it seems. The most hideous looking bum (homeless, not showered for ages) I ever seen (2001) was also the most humble man I had ever seen with a big faith. A priest (svecenik 2019*) seemingly friendly was a lusty perv in disguise full of lies. The bum was ignored by all people and the priest is popular, you see this constantly. That is why the most favorite costume of angels is that of a bum. 

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked pt at a medieval themed restaurant in 2014 to share her sandwich. 

If people can't even acknowledge that creatures like animals they can see are living beings - you can even communicate with ants, size does not matter - then why would they communicate with living beings their eyes cannot see. 

19-02-2021 It's just the two of us now

August 2021

vegan homemade pastry breakfast

Cats hear better than humans, butterflies have better eyesight than humans, doves/pigeons are incredibly loyal, more than most humans. I cannot ask for beter friends.  

Gods children are kind to me.  

my one eyed buddy 

20-08

My top 5 fav books

Sun Tzu Art of War (see also page 103 of book Strategic Weapons of our Warfare by Elsie Clark), BoF Rings Miyamoto Musashi, Wen Tzu Lao Tzu, Bible and Hagakure. Tsunetomo says don't be a bitch, you live you live, you die you die. Bible says don't be a coward, have no fear. So says Musashi. Every day is good. Be vigilant always. And be aware. Apathy is just as much a sin (in your ear whispering demon) as cowardice sloth greed defeatism etc. 

The greatest among you shall be your servant, said Jesus. 

And just like Jesus or a Musashi, you accept death.

Meekness is not weakness 

Two are stronger than one, but do not forget that the devil attacks when you are alone.
And you know what, you will not be betrayed by an outsider but by someone standing next to you. 
Fact: if you actively stand up for good you will be attacked regularly physically, spiritually and mentally : TAKE PRIDE IN PERSECUTION

2 Cor 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 

Mockery - Luke 23:11
Poverty and tribulation -Revelation 2:9
Imprisonment - Mark 6:17, Daniel 6:1-28
Torture - Isaiah 50:6, Acts 14:19
Death - Genesis 4:8
Threats - Acts 4:21, 4:29
Exile - Revelations 1:9
Persecution - 2 Timothy 3:12

Matthew 10:38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Take up your cross! 

If you serve the Lord, you become a target of Satan's envy. Satan will put you into endless and severe testing. Satan's attacks will never cease because you are shaking the foundations of hell.

I had a friend once. Who went to war and had such injuries that he had pain every day. To whom sleeping was not a place of peace but of flashbacks. His body eventually gave up due to the effects of the war and the soul went to heaven. Then I have a friend with the voice of an angel that would never be able to kill an innocent animal (and now also does not eat animals). But killed humans - close combat, because there was no other option. Another veteran, a war angel. High standards in morals, a faith that cannot be shaken. Men of glory, the old school noble men. It is them, and like them, and ancestors who bled for us, who I remember and honor when a turd stands in front of me that does not believe in his Creator but will ridicule those who believe in something more than fucking around, consumin and 'enjoying life' when others suffer.

Such creature spilt no blood, defended no soul. Lives without any honor. Sleeps peacefully in his bed. Like the demon worshippers who only enter an area to eat everything bare like grasshoppers and multiply like cockroaches.
Therefore, out of respect, appreciation and love, I will never lower my standards. I always keep in mind the warriors of the past, of the present, and of the future. Every hidden tear that their soul shown me I carry in my heart.   

Sept 2021 

bought my little nephew this. I think its hella cool. if the low IQ of the taliban multiplies in Europe (and it will), how will a man defend himself? I see no brightness in this future so my only wish is for the little ones to become strong as lions

21.09.21 called upon the Father for a blessing for robe and fingers against the slayers of animals 

December 2021

Ik doe mee: www.aangiftehugodejonge.nl net zoals ik me in 2019 (als particulier) aansloot bij de aangifte van dierenrechtenorganisaties tegen Grapperhaus voor zijn uitspraken tijdens de ALV van POV op 25-11-2019. Dit soort schorem denkt boven iedereen verheven te zijn.
Petitie 'De sportbranche moet aangemerkt worden als essentiƫle sector' natuurlijk getekend.

Meanwhile my son continues to impress me. I like many books, like Dostojevski, Tolstoy,  fairy tale books when I was small. I have many favs and this is also the case in the practical street wisdom genre: Feral's Hitman(chapter 8 reminded me of the unabomber), Iceman, Andy McNab, my son expressed interest and reads them. That is very good. Deployment coming up again. I have deep faith in my son. That's why I don't have that fear that others have. Plus I consider time an illusion. 

This year I applied as volunteer for hunt sab, the salvation army and a few more. Trying to be useful.

Started the month on water, moderate coffee and green and with daily breathing exercises. 

Thanks to a loving organization, the dumped sweet children also have a safe home. we went to catch them on December 31st

when it's winter but you insist on wearing your heels: leg warmers. careful

Instead of the annual sadness that I step into december with I had a nice dream where I was basking in the sun in a speedboat on the Adriatic sea with Marilyn Manson. Poor sucker should have made it work with Dita

one-on-one with the gatekeeper 2nd Christmas Day

2022...

Gettin pics taken with son in June. There is a certain tranquility in me that I cannot articulate and explain. My house guest also lives in me.

asking a friend (Pablo, my longtime consigliere) if he is ready. 

I had already forgotten, but this article reminded me of this morning. I woke up on 25-02-2022 around 6:30 am because a bird was singing beautifully, a familiar tune. It was... Wagner's Ring des Nibelungen.. Ride of the Valkyries..so I opened the window to listen because I was stunned. Beautiful, so beautiful, so pure, and at the same time in this time of war on the doorstep, creepy.
"Mommy is on standby". Always radical

Amazing experience with my son at Skydive Rotterdam "The Flying Dutchmen" - June 2021
Afterwards vegan treat, of course. I did not remove mask because I like to be comfy. 

My shimmering dream

Thankfully I won't need to go to the USA to chase a tornado the way things are looking.
Nahum 1:3 The Lord is slow to anger and great in power, and the Lord will by no means clear the guilty. His way is in whirlwind and storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet. 

Everything is Connected

One of the stories in the childrens book I wrote in 2012 is about a friendship between a child and it's vehicle.. (everything is energy/connected)

Butterflies of Hope 

Did you know that insects have the best vision in the entire animal world? and of the insects the butterflies have the best vision?

September 2013 (4th floor in Delft)- butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

Celibate Life 

Nobody is as badass as Jesus is. The fiery rider, with flames of Justice blazing thru his eyes.

I am smitten with Jesus, I really am. Always was, always will be. Nobody is as badass as he is.

The Rider on the White Horse Rev 19:12 Then I saw heaven standing open, and there before me was a white horse. And its rider is called Faithful and True. With righteousness He judges and wages war. He has eyes like blazing fire, and many royal crowns on His head. He has a name written on Him that only He Himself knows. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and His name is The Word of God.... Meine Ehre heiƟt Treue

The more you sacrifice your own sins and wishes, the closer you get to God.
Your wallet cannot be full when others have nothing to eat.
The body is a temple and the Holy Spirit needs a clean house to live in, so the stomach cannot be
tainted with meat that depends on the slaughter of innocent blood (when not survival but glutton!)
No dairy built up by pus, screams and tears. No soda. No alcohol. No cigs. No slutties.
And with no slutties I mean I have faced sweet temptation, but did not act upon (contemplated for 7 years and pursued none). So not like pervert Gandhi
Temptation: like stopped smoking as promise to God (aah I loved smoking, it was delicious), and all of a sudden I got me a new neighbour who speaks Croatian and every single day offered me a cig, pleading I should take one. Lord knows I wanted to, but I cannot. I am bound.

WWJD? Let me tell you what Jesus would do. Each time I went to HR I sat down at the table where it mattered the most. Where would Jesus want to sit down if he was there briefly, in a house where there is always joy and company and food, or there where there is nobody and barely any food.

My father 12.03.2021

ik hou van je pap. 09-03 opgenomen naar de hemelen

My father did not use washing powder for the last decades as he said it polluted the sea. And when I told him Shakespeare (one of his fav writer, as well as mine) wrote McBeth when he experienced a pandemic (locked in his apartment in London for months), he wanted to read it. His eyes however were no good anymore, so he asked me to send audio which I did. And dad knew who Ivan Roso was. I miss my dad. I had often sent ipods with music, and in the nursing home he suddenly started talking to me in spanish (or french); but he was listening to Guevara's speech (to the UN) that I also put on it. He took us for walks in the woods every weekend, cooked delicious food, always took us to the latest movies and burgers afterward. The kitchen drawer was always full of sweets. He was sick, but not crazy. My first ten years were so impressive that I always remembered him as strong. I did not see that the rock itself needed a rock. 

22.4.21 elke stap in huis is een stap naar diepe bedroevenis. elke stap is loodzwaar doch het licht wijkt geen seconde van mijn zijde. ik mis mijn meisje. het huis is vervuld met kaarsjes en gebeden

If you pay attention you see our guardian with us  

02-05-2021 With my curtain closed I forgot it normaly was always open, and Mika would be on the right, and the dove outside on the left, only seperated by glass. Always looking at me when waking up. They make such a sweet sound.

3-05-21 new friend. used the soft vest Mika took her last breath on as pillow for a long time

Curriculum in een notendop

Allround secretaresse, vestigingsassistente, juridisch secretaresse bij verschillende kantoren, directieassistente, office manager.  Vanaf 2010 de creatieve kant opgegaan, pt eigen business (B2B, B2C) met pt administratieve job bij een middeleeuws themarestaurant in een pand van het jaar 1500. Vanaf 2015 een diversiteit aan projecten waaronder programma manager branded content (in 2016) bij een tv producent (formats voor RTL4). Veel interesses, altijd te weinig tijd. Als kind vijgen verkocht in KroatiĆ« op het strand aan toeristen, als jong tiener nep tatoeages gezet/verkocht op het strand in Scheveningen, diploma banketbakker op zak, enz.. 

the psychologist

In 2021 I thought for a while that I could be a good psychiatrist. I opened the door for a person who was visibly carrying some mental problem. But his problems were petty and selfish. By the time he finished talking I wanted to smash a brick on his head. I fear I have divided the world. In the half that are suitable for Sparta, and the half that are not suitable. 

Golden Gift

Gift from God

1997 Birth of my son. When I was young I knew I would give birth to a boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Hence in his birthcard I had added the text 'predestined, so he came'. Long before it was official the baby would be a boy, I had enlisted him at a daycare center (you had to reserve a place beforehand) with his full name. I cried when I heard I was pregnant, from the hospital to the way home, and fell on my knees at home thanking God for this wonderful gift.

He has 3 first names, one of them means bear, another one means lion (French pronouncing) (+ of course one traditional Christian name). I read the bible to him every evening (and fairy tales), took him to the librairy every wednesday for 2 hours where we read books before taking him to martial arts class. Nothing more satisfying than a son applying for commandos whose namesake lead a skillfull army of God and (one of his other names) was named after Leon the Professional which also means.. lion.  And he - without me telling him ever - knows who Simo HƤyhƤ is.

In this house I had a swing on the front door that immediately made jr popular in our new neighborhood. I also placed a large second-hand sofa in the room where children could simply jump on.  

chatting with son while him being deployed. I have no worries. Yes, Beketje hehe

2021 - Birdhouse for Fathersday. My (step)dad is a very good man. Always helps out, always caring. Two right hands. Gentle soul. His kindness is taken advantage off sometimes by others. The only reason why those people get away with it and are not tasing my fists is due to his kindness. I respect my father. I have 3 of them. The one by blood went to heaven, with the heavenly father.

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for 8 months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.

The picture above was taken right after the prayer on 5 April 2015 at 10:48 am. The angel watched over him day and night and left with him on 13 nov 2015.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel arrived was visible day and night and did not leave his side  

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, year after year.

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love.

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me.

Michaela was loved, not just by me. I think God lent her to me. There was daily close and loving contact, not only between us, but also between her and the angel/spirit/God?

Michaela - Gift from God

Michaela joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer.

This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers.

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha.

She is the first cat ever that always responds when I ask something. It has nothing to do with the tone of voice or eye contact. I can't explain. Maybe we are morphed into one, we see and hear and respond on same things at the same time.

Mika has a lot of Friends who like to play with her

the song that always played in my head when Mika entered the room 

Exodus 14:24 During the last watch of the night the Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud ... Exodus 19:16 On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain.. Exodus 19:9 The Lord said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud

The magical view from my bedroom window 

7 december 2020 - we are all awake till late

Listening to the rain

Mika and Noa Piccolo the snail
Noa died in July 2020. 

Don Poek had his own Facebook account. Now Mika's account

Michaela's death 5.2.2021

My sweet child, my mini mummy, my lifeline, my Gift from God left this realm on 05.02.2021. Every single day in all those years together she woke me up by licking my face and hair. Sleeping next to me every single night, running towards the bed the cutey. She was so loveable and caring and intelligent. Her death struggle was so hard and sudden and rough. 

here we spent so many happy hours together, looking out of the window, at the rain, the birds.

May God strike me with blindness if I did not see what I should have been able to see. I wish to see not if I don't see at all.

She was always by my side, we crafted, we chilled, if I worked out my legs she would sit on my stomach. She was my girl. She was the one who wanted me to stop smoking, who wanted me to act like a lady, who disliked the knife throwing and was a pure pacifist. She kept an eye on me by looking at me via the mirror. Who was unbelievably intelligent as she understood all I said (her own name directly, to which direction to walk etc), was grateful for each gift I brought her and if there was one word I could describe her, it was TRUST. It showed on a lot of ways, like me taking her to the vet without a cage, because she trusted me. I would say, you can let yourselves fall, I have you. And she would let herself fall in my arms. She was as beautiful as a snowflake and I told her this many times.

I caressed her in those bloody last moments and prayed My Father as this always calmed her down. It did so even in that terrible moment, she was so helpless. I prayed for none other than to ease her pain. I sought no angel (via God) to prolong her life as I did with Poek, I did not want more suffering. Nor do I want another companion, there is a cruel world out there with children suffering each day that never had a single moment of love because ego has given man the illusion that one animal deserves love and comfort and the other torture and death. They as we do share the same breath, and what will be done to them, will be done to us. Her name was trust, my name is loyalty. I was beyond happy with her and all the moments spent together were done in full awareness of being happy and grateful. I love you forever Mika.

Mika's suffering

17.02 Prayer. Mika's death was truly horrible, so helpless as she was and this has been nagging me. She was a gift, why did you allow her struggle. Why does my faith not make a difference, where were you to take away her pain. 

I prayed thinking of Mika remembering how calm it always made her, even in those moments of struggle and opened the book, after which I made the picture where you can see the white light shown. There is written (exactly these few sentences) that Jesus himself suffered tremendously and he was Gods son. That even Judas did not know that all was in Gods plan. That satan too did not know. What do you know is asked. I said Mika was and is TRUST. Trust in the Lords ways. And yes, I continued, my name will always remain to be LOYALTY. I will never bow down for monstrosities. There is only ONE. Acts 4:12

The darker it gets the more light I see. In the end days more and more people even the elected ones will say look there is no God, how can God be so cruel, and they will curse the humans God created. This pleases satan. 

After I buried her, I asked my mother's cat to watch over her grave. And this sweet cat, who avoids crowds, did something she never did before and never did again. She did something Michaela always did with me, she stretched out her paw to touch my face.

The very first moment we met

Athair Ar Neamh

22.02.2021 As I could not stop thinking about the loss of what can only be described as perfect love, the tremendous gratitude for having experienced it, my head filled with flashbacks of my child. One song kept playing in my head and I was surprised when I translated the words...... Athair Ar Neamh. Father in Heaven, God help us.Father in Heaven, God help me. My soul, my heart, my voicepraise to you, oh God. I praise you from day to day. I praise you night after night.The moon, the sun, the wind, praise be to you, oh God.

A month later my father died. He died in his sleep, whereas my angel had a horrific long death battle. Her body laid on the floor as if she was crucified. I wanted to pick her up but I was so afraid it would hurt even more so I laid down next to her. I fully believe this angel of God took the pain upon her. 

It is hard to explain and you might think what kind of God lets his children suffer. But then think what his own Son went thru. I think Mika truly was God sent, due to all she did and has happened. And I think, God borrowed me this angel and took her back. Because I remember cuddling with Mika in 2020 and being grateful for this kind little creature and all of a sudden I heard a voice very clear saying very sweet Michaela's nickname. The deep soothing voice sounded coming from a very old and gentle man.  

A woman that has a very strong relationship with God too said exactly this too, while I did not even mention my thoughts about the matter. Because 5 years is too young for a child to get that sick all of a sudden. Her whole being was symbolical, her arrival, her death. 

The night I heard that my father had passed away I got very cold. So cold that I set the heating to 23-25 degrees. I was so cold and my teeth chattering so hard that I took a hot shower for half an hour to get warm. Then everything I touched broke, the internet connection went down, the mouse stopped working, the washing machine broke down and the kitchen was half flooded, I couldn't book a trip for hours because every page gave errors. Didn't sleep because of the headache. A week later at the dentist because of persistent headaches it turned out that a root canal treatment was necessary because of the chattering teeth that evening.

Noa Piccolo the Snail

- New Years Eve 2016 on the picture above, for me, Mika en Noa had her own fruit filled pineapple - 
After Mika's arrival I wanted to give her a friend to play with. So Noa Piccolo the snail came in the picture. Snails are extremely social animals like little dogs, who love to bathe. In Loving Memory 06/2016 - 07/2020. Here is Noa taking a bath

My grandkids

My hometown

Growing up as child

A few favorite memories of mine:

* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience
* Hair als golden as the sun, eyes as blue as the sea, feet as fast as mine, always ending up at the same time on the finish line. The first boy I ever fell in love with. Milan from a place named Kamen. I think I was about 6.

2019. 

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"

A wonderful sign in the mountains asking people to leave only their footprints behind

I have a thing for shoes. Said almost every woman....

15  - 20  - 25 degrees color nude shoes
I effin hate 40 degrees. Flipflops are not my thing.

You realize you have a shoe thing when you are looking thru pictures and notice you have a lot of shoe pics...

could not resist making this picture. I noticed the sign while I was waiting for someone in front of that closed shop

this is what happens when you listen to seventies disco music for evenings (leg warmers)

Old Stuff

It is the intention as a human being that you continue to learn and therefore become more intelligent as you get older. I haven't been involved in politics for at least 16 years? and I don't know most names and parties anymore.  I like activists and thinkers like Gary Yourofsky and Georges G. Hayek, and I stay away from the simpletons. As a lover of fine arts I am fond of Pigcasso. I don't watch television because I think it's a waste of my time and I only read the headlines of the news virtually so that I stay informed. I no longer have a real active Facebook and no instagram or other social media. I once googled on my own name I think at least 10 years ago and I found so much bullshit I never did so again, it was so childish and false. I was therefore surprised when someone told me (last year, in 2021) that so many years later there are people that still live in the past and continue to spread lies.  I didn't do anything with that information because it doesn't interest me. I wish everyone wisdom.

I said goodbye to Dutch politics in 2005, when a father and grandmother told a journalist (at our anti-pedo rally) that they would rather see a pedophile than us. I came home, opened the bible after prayer and read that God had taken his hands off them (withdrew protection).

Yet in 2012 I was aggressively approached by journalists. And in mid-2014 I noticed that my websites (was busy with cakes and candy jewelry then) had strange visitors.

Wat is extremisme?

"Extremisme is het fenomeen waarbij personen of groepen bewust over de grenzen van de wet gaan en illegale acties plegen om hun doel te bereiken."> de grootste extremist, de overheid, die past de wet gewoon aan wanneer het ze uitkomt. 

Het houden van slaven was ook ooit legaal.

Dieren gruwelijk martelen voor onnodige tests alleen omdat er geld mee wordt verdiend, dat is legaal. Dat is pas extremisme. 

Tanden en staartjes onverdoofd knippen bij biggetjes, snaveltjes bij kuikens, eenden levend aansnijden, dat is extremisme. Ondanks miljoenen dieren die levend verbranden in stalbranden, is een brandmelder niet verplicht. Dieren die wekenlang levend opgekookt worden in transporten over zee, is legaal. De manier hoe de staat hand in hand met de industrieĆ«n vanwege de heilige euro omgaat met dieren, dat is extremisme.

Een pedofiel laag straffen zodat ze zelf moedwillig het risico nemen door de lage straffen, dat is extremisme.
Een gezond mens willen dwingen testmedicatie te geven, dat is extremisme.
120.000 moslims die in Nederland een petitie ondertekenen dat er geen tekening mag worden gemaakt van hun geloof en het strafbaar gesteld moet worden als reactie op een onthoofding van een leraar in Frankrijk, dat is pas extremisme.
Dit alles vindt plaats in Nederland. Wat is de definitie van extremist klaarblijkelijk in Nederland? Iemand die tegen de verwerpelijke praktijken is van de heersende elite en industrieƫn. Extremisme, dat is een Kaag die miljoenen weggeeft om popi-jopi te doen bij een 'zangeresje' uit de VS, een overheid die een schilderij aankoopt voor miljoenen en aanhoudend migranten binnenlaat terwijl het volk niet eens meer huisvesting heeft en 1 op de 13 kinderen hier in bittere armoede leeft en soldaten hun eigen materialen moeten kopen.