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Matt 13:9 (or Mark 4:23) Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I never have and never will try to convince anyone to follow Christ. I'm not here to hold your hand, you must make your own choice. (ps some like the pharaoh had God blinded on purpose, so how do you make someone see whose eyes are closed by God himself. Nope, not gonna try)

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

I have said for years now that males till age 39.5 can join the Foreign Legion, even to suitors I do so not trying to emasculate a man; I do so because every male has the opportunity to become a professional warrior. There you need no prior experience if you have none, and it can reactivate those who once did something like a prior few years army before. You get a paycheck, a redefined skillset and valuable contacts for life. I want our sons to be strong and to secure the safety of our grandchildren.

My aim is for you to be safe and fully capable of defending the weak.

Be the voice for the voiceless...

Ever tried the whip cracking trick - cutting a cig from the mouth? I did. And when I wanted to sell the whip, I was bombarded by pervs

Be like Shep. Take no Crap. 

People who have no children are in the forefront to send your sons and daughters to war. And the people who don't want you to defend yourself with a weapon hide behind armed men for their protection.

"With all this "gun control" talk, I haven't heard one politician say how they plan to take guns from criminals, just law abiding citizens. " guns protect banks and corrupt leaders while our children go to unprotected schools.

Nehemiah 4:17-18 "Who were building on the wall. Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way that each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other. And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built. The man who sounded the trumpet was beside me."Luke 11:21 When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe.

Prayer at home

2019 Short video during prayer, was checking if my effort was appreciated since I was so tired
 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually

Angel After Prayer

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white (as in light, all light) serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. 

I was alone and slept in 'my room' on the ground floor, everything was locked. I woke up to the rattling of the windows, as if someone wanted to go in or check the windows to see if they were closed properly. I felt anxious. But now I heard it on every window frame, and I started to think someone was trying to get inside. The heavy materials are at the door, where is the axe, what should I take to run towards and confront...I thought.

Then I heard someone walking down the hall, so it was inside. I thought that is my father, until I suddenly heard him cough on the 1st floor, which was also locked with a key. So he didn't sleep on the ground floor. Now I was really scared because it felt evil and I knew this energy. That energy is not from here. It was not a human I could confront so I prayed to God to send me an angel to help me.

The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this (± 2 meter) white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear". 

Years after my son made a picture of me in the room in the morning, before we went to the beach. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown. No flash was used, no light was on, no light from outside.

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. - Psalm 91:4

Prayer on top of mountain

Picture taken in 2016. My favorite spot 6 o'clock in the morning to pray on the top of the moutain behind the home I grew up in. Mountain top is reachable after 2 hours climbing. In 2018 I went with my son there to pray, and like in a fairy tale, the fields were covered with hundreds of butterflies around us. Since 2016 I have asked up there to harvest because this world sick as shit. I prayed for war. Since 2019 the prayer has been consistent asking for God to come and see what they do to his children. 

Company while in Prayer 

2009 ~ requested company after prayer (I was 'depressed') in Wallonia. I went for this walk (see also pic underneath this text) and asked God or his angels to accompany me. Depression fell upon me hard as I was confronted with earthly things (not because I wanted it, but because I saw it was admired by those I loved); someone who had everything, many friends, money and property, overall success. And I, getting older, still had 'nothing' of these worldly pursuits. He asked me 1 question only. He said, would you trade everything the person has for what you have? I immediately said no and understood. Because these things were all worldly, and none had faith. So quickly the depression was gone and I started to enjoy the walk. As I was walking and talking I found this little church and felt the need to go inside. Inside, I felt the need to sit down but I was afraid I would break the chair so didn't. When I came home, only then I noticed that where my feelings were the strongest in that conversation, the lights are shown on the pics. 

(when you visit a 2000 year old well only to find a hippie fest built around it. Chalice is for new age escapists what Medugorje is for roman catholics and Disneyland for children. - at Chalice Well Glastonbury in 2019)

Selfie 2019. I was not wearing a hat and no dress but a tanktop with short trousers. Nobody stood behind me. Weird shadow huh, looks medieval. 

a family member has seen the blue light itself as a large orb with her own eyes, and a loved one asked me if I was aware that there are non-stop flashes of light shooting through the house

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked pt at a medieval themed restaurant in 2014 to share her sandwich. 

If people can't even acknowledge that creatures like animals they can see are living beings - you can even communicate with ants, size does not matter - then why would they communicate with living beings their eyes cannot see. 

September 2013 (4th floor in Delft)- butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

Celibate Life 

Nobody is as badass as Jesus is. The fiery rider, with flames of Justice blazing thru his eyes.

I am smitten with Jesus, I really am. Always was, always will be. Nobody is as badass as he is.

The Rider on the White Horse Rev 19:12 Then I saw heaven standing open, and there before me was a white horse. And its rider is called Faithful and True. With righteousness He judges and wages war. He has eyes like blazing fire, and many royal crowns on His head. He has a name written on Him that only He Himself knows. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and His name is The Word of God...

Matthew 9:36-37 

Don Poekie - Friendship Almost 20 years

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015

Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for 8 months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.

The picture above was taken right after the prayer on 5 April 2015 at 10:48 am. The angel watched over him day and night and left with him on 13 nov 2015.

After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

the angel arrived was visible day and night and did not leave his side  

We were like a married couple, slept next to each other. Night after night, year after year.

When a cat dies he wants to hide. Don Poek initially wanted too, but I kissed him crying and he came to me and we laid on the bed. He comforted me in his last hours in pain, until it was time. That is love.

He would sit on my pregnant belly and slide off as it was so big. From the little family created in 1996 he was the only one left living with me.

My sweet child, my mini mummy, my lifeline, my Gift from God left this realm on 05.02.2021. Every single day in all those years together she woke me up by licking my face and hair. Sleeping next to me every single night, running towards the bed the cutey. She was so loveable and caring and intelligent. Her death struggle was so hard and sudden and rough. 

here we spent so many happy hours together, looking out of the window, at the rain, the birds.

Here is my child the first day we met under my balcony. 

May God strike me with blindness if I did not see what I should have been able to see. I wish to see not if I don't see at all.

She was always by my side, we crafted, we chilled, if I worked out my legs she would sit on my stomach. She was my girl. She was the one who wanted me to stop smoking, who wanted me to act like a lady, who disliked the knife throwing and was a pure pacifist. She kept an eye on me by looking at me via the mirror. Who was unbelievably intelligent as she understood all I said (her own name directly, to which direction to walk etc), was grateful for each gift I brought her and if there was one word I could describe her, it was TRUST. It showed on a lot of ways, like me taking her to the vet without a cage, because she trusted me. I would say, you can let yourselves fall, I have you. And she would let herself fall in my arms. She was as beautiful as a snowflake and I told her this many times.

I caressed her in those bloody last moments and prayed My Father as this always calmed her down. It did so even in that terrible moment, she was so helpless. I prayed for none other than to ease her pain. I sought no angel (via God) to prolong her life as I did with Poek, I did not want more suffering. Nor do I want another companion, there is a cruel world out there with children suffering each day that never had a single moment of love because ego has given man the illusion that one animal deserves love and comfort and the other torture and death. They as we do share the same breath, and what will be done to them, will be done to us. Her name was trust, my name is loyalty. I was beyond happy with her and all the moments spent together were done in full awareness of being happy and grateful. I love you forever Mika.

The very first moment we met

Most memorable dreams

Jesus on the Cross - 2005

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw a man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering - not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand - but then I woke up.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams - it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight. It was so beautiful I never forgot about it.

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.

2023 - shooting a hunter between the eyes

In the dream I was walking outside with others in a field. Innocent people. Innocent animals were released, and someone started blasting them to shreds. People didn't look surprised as if it was normal for them. I saw the animals explode, blood over their white fur. I asked the humans and the hunter why, and they showed no empathy. Then, without emotion but decisiveness, I sank to my knees, aimed my rifle at the hunter's head, and placed an aimed shot between the eyes. The hunter was instantly dead. And while in the dream I acted out of rationality in calmness and the muscles functioned out of muscle memory, so opposite was the immediate awakening from the dream. My heartbeat was racing and didn't calm down for the first ten minutes.

I believe in the power of dreams, in the symbolism, not the literalness of it. The internet gave the following explanation which I can agree with: "This dream is not about any actual violence. Instead, it is a literal illustration of the figurative expression, "shot between the eyes." The metaphor refers to hitting something directly on the mark, or making exactly the point you wanted to make in an argument. It can refer to just about any achievement where you did something exactly right, often in competition with an opponent. So this dream refers to something that you achieved or that you hope to achieve, probably in competition."

Two days later another ('violent') dream...

Four men whispered, then ridiculed, then intimidated, then threatened me. When they were around me I asked, ok, are we going to Pencak? (are we going to fight silat style?) And then I beat them up. And I woke up satisfied

... days later.. 
Well, I keep beating people up in my dreams. Not innocent people of course. I feel good. I also had nightmares, in one of them I woke up bathing in sweat and suddenly the tv turned on as well in the living room. Doesn't matter, I will win. In this life and the next. Fuck you Satan.

2023 - old love

I dreamed about someone I loved. He sat naked (he was always very comfortable with it) at the water's edge. I only saw his reflection in the water (pond, lake or something), of him and his motorcycle. As I read the handwritten note he sent me. In it he wrote that he regrets his immaturity at the time. 

Foretell dream in 2006

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on - thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed - he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it's not only feathers that make fine birds.

Sharks

I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up. One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.

1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings - friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it - even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this - white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it's good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.

2022 a recurring dream, once in so many years

It takes place deep in the sea. But the starting point is always the same. I'm standing at a crossroads, half in the water. On the right I see Turkey on the left Malta. I avoid Turkey every time and start the journey under water (walking on the ocean floor, not swimming!) along Malta. Very strange. And there is always someone with me who protects me, guides me and loves me in the dream but I have never seen who it is. A patron. In real life I find the depth of the sea frightening.

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.
Another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don't look up or think about the fact that it's weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

Aztlan

In 2005 I had a dream where i was standing on a mountain. The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around - and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing. Like children, sweet playful and just kind. I wrote a poem about it calling them the children of the rainbow and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year thinking about him I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind.

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

God's patience with sinning people explained

22 March 2020 - I wondered why God is so patient with bad people. Then I dreamed this. A shepherd walked through the fields with his sheep. This allowed them to graze where they wanted and he watched them. Then he saw a field of hungry wolves further on. The sheep in his vicinity were safe, so he did not have to worry about them. The sheperd called the sheep that stood at a distance and had separated themselves from the rest. Some were hit because they didn't want to turn around until they were on the safe side. The wolves would tear apart the sheep alive. He loved his sheep and he did not want that fate for them, even though they were stupid and stubborn. Then there were sheep so stubborn and selfish that the shepherd had to run after them. After tripping a few times, under the scratches, tired of shouting and running, and now far from his safe flock, the shepherd let's them go, shaking his head. They were torn apart by the wolves.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you. 

Materialisation

Materialisation (1997 and 2005 of money): I've had money to the last cent deposited (the exact ammount needed, like a 326,74!) on my bank account which I asked for (not for myself) twice. Two witnesses by the by (both times), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept. I paid with my rent money and all, the things I bought. The exact same ammount spent was deposited on my account a week later. It was deposited by very large companies, the transactions could not be found in their system

Unidentified flying object

If your brain sees one and you decide it's not an airplane, a drone, a bird or whatever, than it's simply an object that has not been identified. I have seen unidentified objects a few times in my life.

1) Once when I was a young teenager looking at the stars on the garden swing alone. Two passed flew over my head without any noise and disappeared in sight, vanished.
2) Saw one (at age 30) in the middle of the (Rotterdam) city hovering above a very busy traffic intersection in the morning looking at the Van Ghent Barracks. I was surprised nobody else noticed. I did not want to take my camera because I was afraid it would be gone quickly so instead I kept watching it. Fascinating.
3) In 2019. I was in bed, it's 2-3 in the night. I just went to bed and it is next to the window so I can watch the moon and stars. I saw a UFO flying and then dissapeared into a cloud. It gave me a very uncomfortable feeling so I immediately turned off the light. Then I noticed my room was the only one that had a light on, all those houses, flats, not a single light anywhere. So I was the only one awake. To my horror. I wondered if I was noticed. Then suddenly my bedroom window made a big sound as if a huge pressure was applied to the 4 corners of the window, it was the sound of a blast, I thought the window would break.
4) Also in 2019. I was sitting first row in the airplane on my way home from Split to Rotterdam after visiting my father, who was ill. The weather was bad, rain, thunder, the lightening was kissing the airplane. Seat belts had to be on the entire flight and the flight attendents seemed to be worried. When I saw the lightening playing with the clouds I asked myself if I was ready to die. I decided quickly I was, my son is grown up and has a girl, all I care about have a partner by their side and my father in good hands. Only my cat would need care but my mum or son would surely take care of my child as if it was theirs. So yes, I was ready. Then I looked out of the window and saw big lights, like gigantic headlights in formation, standing still. I have no idea why I dismissed it, but my brain actually decided 'oh, those must be from the airport' and took a nap.

Memorable Strangers

Angel Encounter - I think it was 2005. Me and a non-Christian friend were collecting signatures for a cause. We stood in front of the library. At some point an old man came out of the the library and I asked if he could sign the paper. He wanted to, but soon saw the signature would be useless without an address; he turned out to be homeless. He came from Greece and his mandolin was stolen in the homeless shelter. All he had left was the jacket in his hands. He did not want to eat. He declined to take money (I offered half I had, which was 5€, could not offer all as I had a kid at home, same reason why I could not offer to stay in my house), he only accepted a bit of water. He started to talk about the evolution of people, the rise of the cities, the demonic nature of human experimentation on animals and so on. My friend joined in the conversation and got swept away as I was, as if a vision was shown before our eyes. The Greek's face seemed to change, his grey hairs seem to turn silver. There was something extraordinary about him. A moment of distraction, someone wanted to place their signature. He walked away so I called after him, is there anything I can do for you? He smiled, held his hands in the air and said "God is Great". When I came home, I prayed for him and opened the bible, and there was written "God is Great". Does anybody know how often this exact words are written like that in the bible? Like maybe once?? Even my non-Christian friend is convinced to this very day that this was no random man but an angel in disguise.

Heb 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Had 2 encounters with real Tibetan monks (weird in the middle of the city so far from their home but they were visiting), one in  2005 and one in 2016. The only humans I ever met that saw everything and connected instantly without speaking. In 2006 I was in grief and walked into the library. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

Stories I Cannot Share

1994 - foretell dream that saved my life, you'd not understand
1998 - the car accident, you'd not understand

Relationship With God

I sinned once deliberately. He warned me beforehand. And I was angry at God once. As reaction He showered me with love. Like a parent holds his baby and keeps kissing it because it's so cute and even though the baby doesn't want to haha

God is a righteous judge.

March 2020 - My son baffled me that weekend. He gave me some facts about a subject and as it turned out, he thought I had done something questionable. Well not questionable but simply dead wrong. I said no son, I did not and if you had done such, we would have a problem. If you doubt, always ask me. If I was wrong, correct me. If I would do something which is not righteous, I would lose the hotline with dad. Then I started to think.. I too.. have a doubt. And did not ask dad straight up. So I did.. see dad.. I was looking into cattle and what bothers me is that Lot offered his two virgin daughters. >Yes, LOT DID. I didn't, Lot did. What did I say to Abraham when he asked me about sparing the life of the righteous people in Sodom? You said if there are 40, I will not destroy it. > If there are 30, I will not destroy it. If there are 10, I will not destroy it. 

Hallucinations during MDMA

did some microdosing in the past as it would keep me up relaxed all night crafting (I don't use anything anymore and non, je ne regrette rien) you start to think like Boes Boes or... suddenly see the northern lights and keep looking (certainly not against the use of manna, example 1, example 2)

2021 - rage control

A dream after praying for help to control my growing rage against utter injustice. The lack of compassion is disturbing, the manner people continue their ways after being warned thru the pandemic. The sorrow, the sadness, the pain, the horrible horrific injustice and deceit that is taking place... So I went to bed praying for help because I do not want to chase away the last few people around me. In the dream suddenly a cat showed up, a little kitten that comforted me and that in the dream turned out to be Michaela's sister. Eventhough I felt calmer, my rage was still brewing. Then some force restrained me. I resisted, then I let go. Some presence held me in its arms and I felt the rage flowing away. I could feel it being beside me when I woke up. Slept like a baby.